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Q & A

If you found out your friend and her hubby and a large number of their friends, who you have hung out with were into swinging, would you dump them as friends?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Jul 25, 2009
    • happyOnly if they tried to force that lifestyle on me knowing I’m not into it. And I feel that eventually the friendship would deminish on its own, when people get off into other things like that that you have no interest in you tend to go your separate ways anyhow, poor things they have no clue what their up against my prayers be with them all. I just did a past blog on this subject about a friend of mine who went to one of those kinds of parties and it is so sad the lifestyles they live in doing this, but to each their own, just leave me out of it.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Laurie Zieber wrote Jul 25, 2009
    • The value of this activity escapes me. I like to be the center of my husband’s attention. I’m not the jealous type either. But why would I introduce another woman into my husband’s bed? Why?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Jul 25, 2009
    • My only issue with this is having someone think that I am into this alternative lifestyle. I’ve been out with these people and have never been approached/invited to participate. It has never even really come up for discussion, my oldest son was approached by a friend of a friend, when my son told me I picked up the phone called my friends friend and let her know I didn’t think that was cool. She apologized and that was the end of that. I don’t get it either. I also had a frank discussion with my son and assured him I wasn’t into that scene.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Jul 25, 2009
    • I might find myself pulling away from them a bit. Can’t say for sure if I would dump them completely, but my activities with them would be severely curtailed.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Laurie Zieber wrote Jul 25, 2009
    • A lot of activity might be stimulating where sex is concerned but in terms of building a marriage relationship? Lacks wisdom in my opinion.  

      If you only focus on the entertainment of sex and don’t nurture the mental/emotional/spiritual intimacy there’s not a lot to work with when one or the other or both are going through one of those less sexually attractive times of life.

      I think, like everything else, you must be intentional about what you allow into your life and what you won’t.
      That’s what you did today. I don’t think you have to eliminate the friend unless they will not respect your position on the subject.

      Dan and I were approached by a couple years ago whom we really like.  We have often reflected on that moment. Had we allowed our sex life to become stagnant or had we not made the decision to purposefully protect our emotional intimacy and set an example of marriage for our boys to observe,
      we might have been vulnerable at 20 something to add a little excitement to our lives that were filled with work, daycare, laundry.  

      Now,after 20+ yrs of real life together- I’m glad I don’t have visions in my head of him with the girlfriends of my youth to taunt and ridicule me as my body ages.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Jul 25, 2009
    • And just to add I had a girlfriend who was married and I had known her for years but didn’t know her and hubby were swingers when she let the cat out of the bag one day myself and some other friends were all gathered at their home playing cards and the hubby just came right out and said how he was so happy I was friends with his wife and how he always admired me he went on and on about me till he finally said he wanted to sleep with me my mouth dropped i turned and looked at her waiting for her to slap him or something it never happened I stopped going around them because it made me feel uncomfortable, I said all that to say this they may not be tryin you right now but if you keep on hanging out with them eventually someone is going to approach you so don’t be fooled. Like to old saying goes: IF YOU LAY DOWN WITH DOGS YOU‘LL GET UP WITH FLEAS. Just beware.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Jul 25, 2009
    • I’ve pulled away quite a bit, I may do lunch one on one but I don’t need the added drama of having anyone thinking I belong to their club. I’m just amazed by the large number in such a small town.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Laurie Zieber wrote Jul 25, 2009
    • sorry - that was so long. must be sleep deprivation. lol




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janet Wooley wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • When people do immoral things they tend to want to get as many involved as possible for one they are not alone and two if so many are doing it, it must be ok, no this is where I draw the line, step over it and you and I will have a problem. Boundaries are healthy. This happened in my small town too all of those involved in this activity are now divorced, there was nothing to gain from it.It never turns out ok or even kinda good, it’s bad news.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • Good saying Neicy  IF YOU LAY DOWN WITH DOGS YOU'LL GET UP WITH FLEAS

      Lola let me say all the action happens in small towns - everyone thinks big cities bright lights and the devils play pen - people are too busy earning a crust and don’t know their neighbours to be jumping in and out of beds .....




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • I guess some people would enjoy this type of activity while others do not.  I do know a couple that engaged in this in their 20’s and they are still together, 28 years of marriage I believe...personally if a person’s marriage is strong and healthy, there is no reason for it...there are other ways to spice things up without dragging others into your most intimate space.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • I’m so with you girls on this. I don’t see the value added to a relationship by participating. I think there are much more effective ways of deepening a marital relationship than sharing the marriage bed with others.  

      Fortunately, I’ve never been approached, and I’d be shocked if any of our friends were in to this. And I’m hard to shock! As far as dropping the friends, like Lu said, I’d feel so awkward that my contact with them would probably be curtailed.  

      and [Link Removed]!!!


      Coachmombabe, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • One thing I’ve discovered is that I have a lot of gay, bi and swinging friends, I have no issue with personal orientation, and I’ve never had my personal space invaded, never been hit on (Unless it happens and I’m too dense to get it)never been uncomfortable with any of it. If I like someone it is because of who or how they are as a person, if I dislike them it is usually because of who or how they are as a person.  

      This question comes about as a cousin of mine recently lost a large circle of female friends, ever since her friendships with these women ended she has had a lot of other people tell her that she didn’t belong in that circle of friends due to the lifestyle these women led (lots of partying and picking up random men)she misses the camaraderie she had with the women and a I’m sure she misses all the Ladies night outings. It just got me to thinking that if she is out with these “wild” women her reputation was also on the line, hence my reflecting on my relationship with my friends. She also tells me that her friends have been involved in partner swapping and girl on girl and pretty much about anything else.

      I am not easily shocked, but the sheer number of people in alternate lifestyles in this small town still astounds me. (population about 95,000 give or take) I’ve always had a “to each his own attitude, as long as it doesn’t affect me” But in agreeing with her friends that perhaps they are right, and as Neicy put it “IF YOU LAY DOWN WITH DOGS YOU'LL GET UP WITH FLEAS” I almost feel as a hypocrite, I’ve always tried looking at a person for how they treat me, how I get along with them, always mindful that we all have our differences, and while I may do things they don’t agree with or vice versa we should respect our differences.

      was I going somewhere with this....sheesh, to early in the morning to lose my train of thought (again, I blame it on the drugs) I may come back if I remember my point, or if I had one...I appreciate all the responses




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • That must have been really difficult on you, Renee...some men can be very selfish..glad you got out..happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • Renee, this may not be something you may be comfortable answering so if you are not comfortable you can skip the question....

      In your experience do you find swapping to be initiated by men? Is this something men ask of their women or women talk their men into participating?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Laurie Zieber wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • Aside from a personal conviction re: my own life practices; I have far less and, likely, no issues with same sex relationships.  

      Although I still think it is dangerous and destructive, the relationship that was never represented as monogamous is certainly free to swing with, from, or wherever, each individual is inclined to swing. At least both parties knew what they signed up for and they, each, can reap what they sow.

      Its the decay that happens at the soul of the marriage, when one spouse is confronted with “alternatives” to what was originally represented as a vow that makes me cringe.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • I could no longer be their friend. I would feel as if I suddenly had nothing more in common with them. Knowing this I couldn’t socialize with them anymore.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deanna Moon wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • Swinging eventually ruins friendships and relationships.  Been there, done that, and never again, it’s not worth the after effects and fallout.  I agree with Neicy.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deanna Moon wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • Wow, Right-On Bernadette, I just read your post!  Gotta love a woman that tells it like it is..estatic




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • It’s not my thing so it’s probably unlikely that I would be friends with anyone into swinging. But if I was friends I am pretty sure that I would limit the amount of activities I/we were involved with them. I would imagine that if we were at a party and the majority were into swinging it would probably occur at a party. And people may assume if I/we were there we were ok with that sort of thing.
      I think monagomy and marriage go hand in hand....




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Termite wrote Jul 26, 2009
    • I think I would have to limit the time I spend with them. That is their choice to live that lifestyle, but I want nothing to do with it, nor do I want people to think I have anything to do with that.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Jul 27, 2009
    • Personally I don’t get it.  Why get married in the first place?  I think it’s gross.  I couldn’t imagine my man with another woman/women and watching and myself with another man!tongue out




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Esther Bloom wrote Jul 27, 2009
    • I would keep the same friendship with her as long as we did not talk about her adventures and kept our relationship as it was before I was told. We would have to be good enough friends to agree to disagreeestaticestaticestaticestaticestatic




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kandykahne 5 wrote Jul 27, 2009
    • I would not dump them as friends but I would not want them to discuss it around me either. I don’t get how people do this as I would not share my husband with anyone! I am not the jealous type as I am pretty secure in my marriage but no way would I get involved in it!happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Robinesque wrote Jul 27, 2009
    • While I TRY not to judge, I know that I would not be comfortable with the KNOWLEDGE of their activities and am sure that would be at the forefront of my mind the entire time we were together!  So, if I found out, knowing me, I’d start making excuses not to be with them, and eventually, that would take care of our friendship.

      So dump them?  Yes!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tamra wrote Jul 29, 2009
    • OMG....I must be so naive.....




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