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anonymous Anonymous

Q & A

How would you go about telling your spouse that you were unhappy in the marriage and wanted out of the relationship. There is no love here for me anymore and it seems he has no clue that I have fallen out of love with him. We haven’t had sex in a long time and when we do its just a hump and grind and he’s done. I want more in that area along with other areas in our marriage and he can’t give it. I have tried numerous times to speak with him on these issues that concern me but all I get is “I’m tired and I have a lot on my plate, my mind is far from what, your talking about.” And that also shows me that his mind isn’t on me either. I’m just not happy anymore and want out. And just for those of you who may say it: NO!!! there is no other people in either of our lives, I feel we’ve grown apart. I’ve been with him for 12 years.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Aug 1, 2009
    • Hello!, telling someone you don’t love them is NEVER easy and especially when it’s your spouse, this is a very hard thing. You’ve stated that you’ve tried talking to him but it doesn’t help the situation any, have you requested counseling for you both or many just for yourself? Sometimes a professional can help in situations like this, if he doesn’t opt for the couseling sessions maybe you should try them first before walking out the door, I know its hard to be with someone and not feel loved I have been there once myself even though we weren’t married it was still a hurting thing I walked and moved on. But whatever your outcome I pray it all works out best for you, my prayers are with you and your hubby.happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Aug 1, 2009
    • Those things to happen. When I felt that way before I made any other moves I had another conversation with my spouse and nothing changed. I was comfortable and secure with my decision and one day I just said,“I’ve had enough and I want you to move out“. It’s never easy even when it’s what you want. I just did it. I’d rather be alone than sick, literally.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Aug 1, 2009
    • It’s never easy to fight for happiness. I would never tell you NO because outside of those involved in the marriage NO ONE has a clue as to what happens with a couple.
      Just prepare yourself if this is what you finally decide to do. Prepare to be out of your comfort zone, unhappier at times, nervous, ecstatic, confused, lonely (yes!), financially different, insecure, sad, rejected, failure and gosh probably a whole lot of other things too. But if you are committed to this and believe your future can be better than it is all worth it!
      I hope it works out either way.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angell Villafañe wrote Aug 1, 2009
    • I’ve also been there and it came down to me just letting him know I wanted out of the relationship. I packed his things and asked him to leave. It wasn’t really what I wanted but I was miserable and I wanted out. I was getting nothing positive from him. Your happiness is so important. There is nothing worse than being in a loveless and unhappy marriage. I pray that God will give you the right words to speak to your husband and give him an ear to listen. Good luck! happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Aug 1, 2009
    • I just did tell my husband a few days ago.  After serious consideration, evaluation, comtemplation, I decided it is best for me to get out.  So I just waited he was sitting down and I just said “I want a divorce.”  That is.  

      Saying is not that bad, the challenge is “Ok, what’s next“?

      If he is a violate person, make sure you have someone to be with you when you announce that.  On second thought, best to have someone stand by (not necessary to be present).  Then stay as calm as you could, as firm as you could.  His response could be a variation... angry, shock, sad, mad, confused or even acusation of an affair... whatever, just ignore what he said for they need time to digest.....  

      I am here to help ... just a few step ahead of you, that’s all.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carolnphil wrote Aug 1, 2009
    • I am so sorry for all the women suffering through this very hard and difficult decision.  I went through it a very long time ago after six years of marriage.  We had two little boys so the decision wasn’t just about what I wanted in life but what was also best for them.  I know what you decide will be the best choice for you and God bless!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Aug 2, 2009
    • Anonymous and Chinadoll, best of luck to you both. May joy find you both~!

      Hugs~




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Aug 2, 2009
    • I’m so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. I can only say that there is a lot of support for you as you walk this path. Many have worn a trail in that path for you  and can offer help but ultimately you will do what is best for you. We are here.

      When I divorced my first husband, I told him in front of a therapist. We had been going to marriage counseling and it just wasn’t working so one day in there I told him I wanted a divorce. Painful but the process went smoothly.

      Then after a 10 year relationship with someone I just left. He was abusive and I was afraid of him and what he may do if I told him I was breaking up with him and then stayed in his presence.

      So you will have to decide which exit strategy is best for you in your situation.

      Wishing you well.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenni0811 wrote Aug 2, 2009
    • This is one of the most difficult places a woman can find herself in. I have been there twice, after 10 and 9 years of marriage respectively. Both times have been under very different circumstances and with very different outcomes. The one constant is expect a lot of pain and anger...no matter how far apart you know or believe you have grown. The amount of that resulting chaos will determine how and where you will have the discussion. As was said, keep your safety a priority and make that announcement with the proper back up plan/ or exit strategy in place.

      You may contact me at any time if you wish to talk.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Aug 2, 2009
    • I have given this more thoughts... best is to avoid saying “I don’t love you anymore“... I think that is very harsh.  I say to my tobeX, “I love you still but it has grown from a spousal love to a deep friendship love” “I care and now with limits”  

      I do think the more civilized we are, the easier it will get.  We need no more pain, thus let’s be an adult and handle this like a bus. (i.e. breakup of a partnership etc).




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jypseygal wrote Nov 29, 2009
    • If you are serious then just tell him. There is no easy way let him know you are not happy and need to move on. Once you tell him move on, cut the strings and don’t look back.




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