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My daughter is starting her Sr. year of HS. She has no drive to prepare for her ACT, or even attend college. If a college had a major for laying around and snuggle with boyfriend, she would be ready to go! Any ideas or advice on how to get her to wake up?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Aug 18, 2009
    • Great Question! I have a son in the same boat....Hope you get some good answers !




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Freedom66 wrote Aug 19, 2009
    • It drives me crazy!! My husband and I have always been hardworking. We get up and the crack of dawn and don’t sit down until 7-8pm. We live life with meaning and purpose. I love my daughter and wouldn’t trade her( like I have that option?). I can’t get her to do anything! I just get so burnt out and frusterated. She seems to think that life is going to slow down for her whenever she feels ready to jump on the merry-go-round of life. tongue out




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Aug 19, 2009
    • I know what you mean, my son does play sports, does alot of work with that, but school work is another story. He is perfectly ok with getting by, never studies at home, says they study in class. He has no idea what he is going to do after high school. He did take his ACT , but did not study. I guess he must know it all? lol




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Freedom66 wrote Aug 19, 2009
    • Thanks Diana, nice to have someone to vent to.
      It doesn’t help that the bf doesn’t have a job, has absolutely “0” ambition and also no goals. My daughter atleast has a very parttime job for now and is supporting this just wonderful boyfriend of hers?? Last night I woke up at 12:30 am and guess who was still here sleeping in her room??? OH, not happy!!! not happy at all!! Not to mentional also that they never left the couch yesterday! Absolutely a perfect day outside. What a waste,So neadless to say I’ve slept for maybe 1.5 hours and now heading off to work. Somedays I just want to give up and say, “Your life baby, live it as you choose“. But, I just can’t sit back and watch her do nothing, but then again, me nagging every 10 minutes doesn’t seem to be doing anything either!
      OMG! STOP THE RIDE, I WANT TO GET OFF!!
      Thanks again Diana, have a wonderful day!!  happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Aug 19, 2009
    • Why on earth would you, as the mom, ever allow a boyfriend to be in the house past the time when you leave the room???????????  Set some boundaries!! And enforce them!!!!  

      Some kids just aren’t ready for college when they graduate.  When she graduates, maybe you need to kick her out and let her fend for herself in the real world and figure out how to pay rent and eat.   She might be a little more motivated to continue her education after that year.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Aug 19, 2009
    • I have to agree with tulip on that, I would never allow a daughter that young ( or even older if not married ) to have a boy over in her room alone, let alone all night. I would have woke them up and sent him home and told them both that will not happen in your home again.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Termite wrote Aug 19, 2009
    • My oldest daughter is starting college next week. She took a year off between high school and college. She worked, paid her bills and decided she was ready to get her butt in gear. Some kids do need that break. I was so upset when she didnt go last year right out of high school, but now I see how taking that year off gave her a chance to see how her life would be without a good education. Living paycheck to paycheck is no fun!!  

      As far as him being there all day...NO WAY!! and he would have to leave when I went to bed. NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS ABOUT IT!! If they want to play house, go get an apartment and play house, not under my roof!! He would only be allowed to be there after I get home from work and only until a certain time!!
      Leave a chore list before you leave the house. That’s what I do. It had better be done and done right before I get home from work, or nobody is going anywhere and no one is coming over to visit!!
      You have to set rules down or nothing is going to change! It’s as simple as that.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Freedom66 wrote Aug 19, 2009
    • Been there and done that. She has always had a passion for wildlife conservation and I landed her a volunteering opportunity at a wildlife bird rescue. They work with hawks, eagles, falcons, e.t.c. Colleges in this area and I’m sure in other states as well like to see volunteering hours on the applications. She offered to only go there 2x a month??  We toured colleges and she just didn’t show much excitement. I understand that she may not be mature enough to attend college next year,but to atleast have a goal, drive, something. What I don’t understand is that she sees me work my tail off everyday woking 2 part time jobs and attending school full time to help better myself and get into a career I want. Nothing seems to matter. Her favorite words are, “I don’t know“. WELL YOU BETTER KNOW PRETTY DARN SOON GIRL!!   Thank you for the advice! I appreciate all of it!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Freedom66 wrote Aug 19, 2009
    • Oh, don’t worry I did wake them up alright! Then he had the gutts to tell me that his mother thinks he is sleeping at his friends house and she doesn’t even know he’s here!!! I think my mouth hit the frickin floor!!As far as the bf and curfew goes, I do have rules, 10pm weeknights 10pm weekends unless there is a special event like a bonfire or something then it’s 12. After I went to bed at 10 I heard them walking around and was stupidly thinking she was taking him home. Yea, home to bed!!! I gave my daugter the benefit of the doubt. My mistake... Thanks again for all the help and advice. Anyone want a 17 year old girl?? just needs a kick in the rear.. oh, I’ll even throw in the BF! Deal of the day! estatic




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Freedom66 wrote Aug 19, 2009
    • Termite, you nailed it!! I have to stop assuming that she should know what to do. You would think at 17 common sense would tell her? But, no. Making a list of chores is a great idea. Hope it works better than the grocery list I had for her. I had 4 things written down. She leaves it sit in her car, walks into the store, ...... then calls me.. to ask me what I wanted?????   OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY??? she is my daughter and I do love her.. BUT COME ON! The part about the playing house scares me. The bf talks to her about getting an apartment together already. She is my only child and until now we have been very close, so wanting to choke her and slap her upside the head is bad?? right? LOL




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angell VillafaƱe wrote Aug 19, 2009
    • I am also having issues with my son who is starting his last year of high school. He has no goals or ambitions for when he graduates. He has expressed that he doesn’t want to go to college...he hates school with a passion regardless of how much I talk to him about the importance of getting a college education. So I have decided to leave it up to him to decide and he had better figure it out before he graduates because I will not hesitate to send him packing like I did his older brother who by the way ended up living in the mission because he couldn’t follow my rules but eventually he got his act together and decided to get serious about his life. He didn’t go to college but he is now working and making good money and living on his own.

      I also refuse to take care of a grown man so if my son doesn’t go to college then that is fine as college isn’t for everyone but he has to do something. He will have a certain amount of time to get his act together after graduation.  I know what I want for him but unfortunately it’s not what he wants so he has to make his own decisions and if it is something that turns out to not work for him then he will have to deal with that...it’s the only way he is going to learn and figure out his life. I’ve learned that no amount of nagging and begging will get them to do what you want...if anything it makes them do the opposite. So I say to you...leave her be to figure it out...give her options, suggestions, adivice...but let her figure it out. Take control of your house and stick with your boundaries and rules. They all get it figured out at some point...some later than others but it will happen.  

      Good luck to you and your daughter. happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Freedom66 wrote Aug 19, 2009
    • Thank you all very much for your input. As for now, the car has been taken away, along with the cell phone, and internet. My husband had her weed the garden and will be painting the fence on Monday. Would have had her do it tomorrow but, she is having her wisdom teeth pulled. I have to be a little soft. We offered to pay her and the bf $50 to do it, now she can do it alone for free.. what a sweet girl I have!happy

      You ladies are AWESOME!

      Love & Peace, worried




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      40real wrote Oct 12, 2009
    • Two things come to mind:
      1. She is not you, so the choices you’ve made may not be the right choices for her.
      2. I just learned that the frontal lobe doesn’t fully develop until the early 20’s. One study said:
      "The evidence now is strong that the brain does not cease
      to mature until the early 20s in those relevant parts that govern impulsivity, judgment, planning for the future, foresight of consequences, and other characteristics that make people morally culpable.... Indeed, age 21 or 22 would be closer to the 'biological' age of maturity."

      Maybe we have unfair expectations of these kids, asking them to reason in a way their brain is not yet fully developed to reason. I thought this was fascinating.

      Give yourself and your daughter a break and remember the big picture - that you love her and want her to be a happy, independent and whole adult who lives a life that is true to who she is at the core.

      Shannon
      The SPARK! Coach
      www.thesparkcoach.com




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