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Q & A

I was just wondering, How do you tell someone to quit being so Negative!? I have this Friend who I have known for 23 years now and she didn’t use to be this negative like she Is now. I would say she got this way maybe a few years ago.

She complaines about almost everything and Is so negative about stuff. I love her dearly and would do anything for her, but her negativity Is starting to bring me down. I am not the happiest person In the world grant you, but It doesn’t help when I am excited about something and I tell her or want to Include her but she puts a damper on It.

I don’t want to sound rude or mean to her, I just want to know how should I go about letting her know that she needs to stop being this way and that It brings me down without her thinking I’m a Bitch?

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Best Answer

Frannie - next time your around her and she starts being negative, I would just tell her.  You don’t have to be rude about it....just tell her how all the negativity makes you feel.  If she’s truly a good friend she should not be offended and take a good look at her behavior.  I’ve been around women like that and it is a real drag!  No sense in letting her “bring you down” when you have good news or are excited about something. If it’s her weight (which I doubt it is) then she should work on that too!happy


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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Sep 2, 2009
    • I think shes down about her weight and she really doesn’t get much sleep. Maybe thats why shes like this lately? I wish I knew, but I try to talk to her and then It leads to more complaining. I always tell her lets try something new or go somewhere fun, but she doesn’t seem to Into that. I think It’s her weight because when I do tell her” you never want to do anything or go anywhere, she brings up her weight and that she wants to lose weight first before doing whatever. I kinda want to tell her, well maybe It’s because you don’t move around enough or get out of the house enough, but then I don’t know how that would sound. We joined a gym a year ago and It’s hard for me to get her to go. I just want her to be more happy and less negative.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Sep 2, 2009
    • And what I mean by more Happy, Is I want her to be Happy for herself, not for me, the less negative part Is for me. But the Happy part Is for her. You would think It would be easy talking to your own Best Friend, but really, It’s hard sometimes.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Sep 3, 2009
    • If she is a good friend that you feel you can be honest with ask her this “Is your outlook on life working for you?” or the next time you are excited and she is being negative just tell her it won’t disrupt her world if she is genuinely happy for you for just one tiny little minute.

      Fran I am that person who has no problem saying something to Debbie Downer. Life is hard enough we don’t need to make it any harder.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Sep 3, 2009
    • BTW you can’t do anything about her happiness. That’s up to her. It’s up to you if you want to be around her.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Sep 3, 2009
    • Frannie - next time your around her and she starts being negative, I would just tell her.  You don’t have to be rude about it....just tell her how all the negativity makes you feel.  If she’s truly a good friend she should not be offended and take a good look at her behavior.  I’ve been around women like that and it is a real drag!  No sense in letting her “bring you down” when you have good news or are excited about something. If it’s her weight (which I doubt it is) then she should work on that too!happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Sep 3, 2009
    • Melissa you are right about the weight gain... that is just the easy reason for negativity.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Trudy S wrote Sep 3, 2009
    • I think it is important to tell her.  I had this conversation with my eldest sister several years ago.  I let her know that her negative feelings about life worried me.  I know that she was having some rough times but her feelings were affecting her life and now how I felt when I was around her.  

      I also tried to turn conversations around when I was with her.  - tried to look at the positive side or sometimes talked about how when you project negativity you get negativity back from the world.

      It didn’t happen overnight but slowly her attitude changed....at least around me.  She realized  that I cared for her but that I also didn’t want to be around that negativity all the time.  Now she is far less negative....she is no Mary sunshine (!)....but she at least isn’t doom and gloom about everything like she used to be.

      Hope this helps....




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Sep 3, 2009
    • I think there are a lot of good suggestions here thus far. And I agree that friendships of this length can have some honest and upfront talk. I would mention to her that her negativity is of concern. And with you being a good friend you may be more likely to tolerate it but others may not. I’d remind her that if she is doing the same thing in the workplace and in public people may start to distance themselves from her and cause her to feel isolated - only adding to the negative outlook.

      I’d let her know you can be an ear and a shoulder for awhile but eventually you’d prefer to be part of the solution as she takes action on her discontent and move forward in a more positive direction.

      Best to you, you‘re a good friend!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Sep 3, 2009
    • Frannie...I know exactly how you feel.  My friend has had problems and it is difficult for her to vent to her family members since they are quite heartless at times...I am there for her and the complaining can be a problem, but I have learned to let her vent, then interject with some solutions and ways to overcome her situations and that seems to help since in her case she does ask me for advice...when your friend does start to complain about something in particular, ask her if it is something that is important in her life or unimportant..point blank...it will get her to examine herself and see whether it is something meaningless or serious and then it is up to HER to change...hope this helps.happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kmarie wrote Sep 4, 2009
    • I litterally told my firend that i was having a postive day only. I was only focusing on positive things because I felt over burden. Everytime she started I reminded her that she had to discuss it later beacause of me. Since then she stopped always focusing only on negative discussions with me and really trrys to come up with more [positive things to discuss




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Gottagorightnow wrote Sep 4, 2009
    • I have stopped my mother dead in her tracks with these daily tirades (yes, you have to work on it daily, sometimes) by saying:  

      "So what DO you want to happen?" or "what would be a great  outcome in this situation for you?"  

      Get them to day dreaming about the way they WANT  it to be....if you can divert their attenion long enough,  hopefully it will catch on..




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Sep 4, 2009
    • Thank you everyone for your replies. I appriciate everyone’s answers and advice. I am going to try and talk to her and hopefully find out why shes negative all the time. If that doesn’t work, I will have to start spending less time with her whenever she does get negative and maybe then she will get the hint. I don’t mind when she complaines because I know she really doesn’t have anyone else to complaine to or vent too, so I don’t mind that cause she Is my best friend, but the negative part Is a bit too far, so I hope she will understand and thank you again for your help.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Womensafety wrote Oct 7, 2009
    • Frannie I hit 50 and was tired of negative people so my gift to myself was to stay away from them. That was almost 1 year ago and some of my family and best friends. I have to say I have never been happier. The best present I ever gave myself. Yes it was hard at first but when I would only be around positive people I noticed that I became so positive with every thing in my life. Now when I do feel the need to talk to them I know why I haven’t in such a long time




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