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Hello I just came across this site and I know that I will get some knowledge from here that will be able to guide me along.

I am 34yrs old and i am in a relationship with someone who is 54yrs he is my husband, my lover but these days he is not my joy. He has been acting up a lot, different days different moods. And it is driving me crazy. I have not had sex in months he does not want too. Some days he is loving others he is just i would say confusing to me. If we drive down the road he would look at all the ladies we pass as if to make me feel uncomfortable. I try talking to him but he would not open up to me. This is taking a great effect on me. I really want to understand him and not have to cheat on him.  I at one time started accusing him of cheating and he would get really upset and with draw even more.

Please older ladies and gentlemen help me out here. I am so confuse.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Oct 28, 2009
    • Perhaps your husband is going through midlife crisis and needs professional help.

      Would he be willing to see a therapist? or talk to his doctor?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vanessa33 wrote Oct 28, 2009
    • It is so hard to tell. Financially he is alright. I notice this behavior since he cross over into his 50 but it seem to get bad sometimes. I am trying so hard to understand what is going on with him.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Michael Madden DC wrote Oct 28, 2009
    • Check his medical health and when that’s fine, check his hormones with a saliva test. If he won’t talk with you, go talk with a therapist by yourself to give you specific action steps to take with, for and to him. Don’t make it to be your problem, it’s his. He may be doing that classic guy thing of hanging in a relationship he doesn’t want to be in any more long enough for YOU to be the one to break up. How did you relationship start? Did he go from a previous wife straight to you?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      James Beverly wrote Oct 29, 2009
    • Your husband is obviously uncomfortable and is trying to send you a message in all of the wrong ways. Your description is suggestive of an age-related issue. The medical checkup suggested by Dr. Madden is important. He may be developing a sexual dysfunction that he is uncomfortable talking with you about. He may be afraid of embarrassing himself in front of you – rather than not wanting to have sex. At his age, the mid-life crisis issue may also be adding fuel to the fire of his inner fears and/or prompting rapid mood swings. Wanting out of the relationship but not wanting to take the first step is also a possibility. Your statement of not wanting to cheat on him (which implies that cheating is a possibility) is suggestive of deeper relationship problems between the two of you. In any case, developing better communication and learning to really talk to each other is going to be essential. See a good marriage therapist by yourself if necessary. Find someone that is certified by your state as a Marriage and Family Counselor. Sometimes going alone goads the other person into also going out of curiosity and fear of what you may be talking about.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      David M. Matthews wrote Nov 2, 2009
    • Both James Beverly and Dr. Madden gave you sound advice about how you might approach this problem.  The main thing to understand is that your husband is “acting out” for a specific reason...and until he tells you what that is, your frustration in your relationship with him is likely to continue.  I would suggest trying to talk to him again.  Perhaps if you time it right and approach him in a non-confrontational way when he is in an obviously-good mood, he will be more receptive to the discussion.  This, however, is a longshot, to be sure.  Of course, counseling would be an excellent idea...if you can get him to show up and engage in the process.  Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.




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