Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.

Q & A

My youngest son (13) came home from school and tells me some kid called him a porch monkey, my blood boils and my heart hurts for my son. I’m trying to find the best way to handle this both with him and the school...any suggestions?

  •  



Answer this See more Questions

View All Answers

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Nov 17, 2009
    • Ok, I’m not up on teenage slang, what does “porch monkey” mean?

      As long as kids have been going to school, they’ve been being mean to each other and calling each other names.  Often times those names are hurtful, but there’s really not a lot you can do about it without causing more trouble for your son.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Nov 17, 2009
    • I’m not sure what porch monkey means either. But kids can be mean. Sorry this happened to your son.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Nov 17, 2009
    • It is a racial slur, I asked my son for names, and I used to work with the boys dad, his dad was/is an ignorant racist idiot who is passing this to his kids. I adviced my son to just ignore it, we will try that approach, I don’t want to make it more difficult for him and I do realize that they will hear worse than that, the two younger boys are mixed and we have talked about this but it still bugs me to no end to hear this.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Nov 17, 2009
    • Oh my..I’m so sorry this kid’s dad Is like that and passing It on to his son, thats just awful! I hope something gets resolved, If Ignoring this kid doesn’t help, I think you should talk to the principle about this and hopefully he will do something about It. That shouldn’t be allowed.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Takemeasiam wrote Nov 17, 2009
    • I work in a middle school, and racial slurs go beyond “normal teasing“.  You need to call the administration in your school and if he won’t give names they need to ensure his protection.  But if kids are feeling comfortable at school using that kind of language then there is a culture there that allows it and it willcontinue if no one steps forward.  And yes it probably did come from an adult because most kids and even young adults don’t know what that phrase means.  

      “Evil flourishes when good men do nothing“.  

      Let your son know that the punishment for retaliation against him telling on these kids would turn their actions into a hate crime.  Bullies prosper from intimidation and fear because they don’t want anyone to tell becuase they know they will get in trouble and be watched in the futre.  And that is exactly the reason he needs to tell.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janet Wooley wrote Nov 17, 2009
    • Kids can be so cruel, But it is clearly the fault of the parents and they should be made aware that this is hurtful. I am sure the parents are just as bad. I do hate racial slurs it is so unnecessary and just plain stupid.
      I am so sorry for your son Lola, people are just mean for no good reason. My mom always taught me that if a person says something negative about me it is their insecurity showing thru trying to make others feel as bad as they do.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Encee wrote Nov 18, 2009
    • I never heard that phrase before either.  I’m so sorry this happened to your son.  

      I agree with the approach of standing up to bullies.  These name-callers really hate themselves worse than anyone else and they are afraid of their own shadow, especially when they are not part of a group.  

      If it were me though I’d take some precautions about your son’s safety.  Some of these kids can be extreme and I’d keep close tabs on my son and make sure he’s okay.  I don’t like to think others can be a serious threat, but it sounds like caution would be a good idea.  

      Peace to you,




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Nov 18, 2009
    • Sadly there is a saying looking for trouble see who opens the front door – in the case you know the father is a bullying bigot
      I would tell the school not only because it's racist and nasty but it's bullying and no child should be bullied ........sorry this is happening to your son




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jo46 wrote Nov 18, 2009
    • Lazyola, I am sorry this happened to your family.  I  have have a 7 year old son that I encourage to try and problem solve...If this were him I would tell him to say,“if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say it!” Then if these boys continue, then it’s time to go to the school principal. If your little boy doesn’t know what this word means-explain it to him in a calm fashion and why you don’t like it.  It has to get better-take a deep breath mom...I am praying for you.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 18, 2009
    • I like the approach of ignoring the remark - there is a quiet strength is not allowing the bully to get under his skin.

      That being said, I would also bring it to the attention of the school. I wouldn’t worry too much about the offending child being reprimanded. In my experience many school personnel don’t act on these offenses anyway unless they are pressed to do so.

      You said you know the father. A phone call or letter telling him you‘re aware of his son’s behavior may help.

      In any event, I’m very sorry this has happened. I was bullied as a child and I know the hurt it causes.

      Racial slurs come from ignorance and stupidity. This child may have a low self image and finds this to be the only way to feel good about himself. No excuse but it might be behind it.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Nov 18, 2009
    • Thanks everyone, I would call and speak to the dad, but that would be a waste of my time, this dad has told his son he was my boss and everyone hated me and that I was a bitch and a number of other hateful things. This all stems from an incident at my former place of employment where I came in to work on a weekend and the boys witnessed this dad clocking out several people, at their age they figured out what was happening and they reported it to me and that turned into a big mess as I was the one that took care of payroll and I questioned the time cards, ever since then this type of retaliation has been going on, but it is affecting my child, at that time I spoke to the dad and let him know that I could care less if they all hated me and called me a bitch, I’ve been called worse....anyhoo I think I will at least notify the school and see what they have to say...thanks everyone.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Nov 18, 2009
    • Ruby I am so sorry that you are faced with this. Normally I would say to tell your son to ignore it and be the bigger person here. But this is more about racism. Does the boy know that “porch monkey” is derogatory? Maybe or maybe not. Now may be a good time for the school to introduce the students to what is called sensitivity training or the policies that most companies have in the US about harrassment and racial discrimination.

      I don’t know what kind of environment that your kids school is in. It’s hard to prove racism unfortunately. Which is the crappiest of all. I wish you luck and would really like to know how it turns out.

      Don’t people get that they just can’t go thru life being disrespectful.....




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Nov 18, 2009
    • It’s a pity that some adults choose to pass down such ignorance to their children.
      I always told my children, if a child is calling you names, they are probably being called that name at home.
      Although that thought doesn’t take away the hurt, it some how helps you feel sorry for their ignorance.
      I agree that you son should act as though it doesn’t bother him one bit. Unless, of course, it becomes a problem for him.
      You know, all it takes is a parent to teach their children right from wrong. I just don’t get it!




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Nov 18, 2009
    • I’ve called the school, spoke to the principal, who called my son in and the other boy, the boy admitted to calling him that as he heard it on the playground and it “sounded interesting” the boy gets detention and hopefully this does not escalate and cause any other issues.

      Thank you all, I was glad to have taken a breather before calling the school.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Nov 18, 2009
    • I am glad that the principal handled it and even better that the boy admitted it. YEAH!!!!




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Nov 18, 2009
    • The boy apologized to my son, but he was probably told to do so, not the type of apology that means anything, I would have suggested more be done, but I will drop it for now. If this happens again then I will not be so laid back. Thanks for the ideas and suggestions, I will keep them in mind.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Nov 18, 2009
    • you want me to come and teach the kids dad a lesson!!??

      what an ASS. I hope the school keeps an eye on this.
      Suspension would be the next step!!




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Nov 18, 2009
    • yes ma‘am together we can roll him overhappy




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Laurie Zieber wrote Nov 19, 2009
    • Grrr.  frown  Well done, Ruby.  Better to use the experience as an opportunity to prepare your son for the inevitable bullies he’ll run into throughout his life than to waste your energy trying to change the kid who learned this behavior from his Dad.  

      But, I’m fantasizing about a one on one with the Dad and some big, mean, thug I would hire to hold him down while we talk...




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Martha Perez Torres wrote Nov 19, 2009
    • Lazylola I am so sorry your son has gone through this awful experience. I am glad that the Principal handled it the way he did-but just be alert regarding the safety of your son. I would keep a log documenting any other incident in the event that it happens again. If the father is as ignorant and bigot as you described him he will not have the capacity to understand that what his son did was wrong and unacceptable. I will be praying for you and your family. Hopefully this was an isolated incident.happy




            Report  Reply


Ask a Question






mature content submit as anonymous