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Q & A

Will ypur spouse, mate, S/O talk with you about your sex life? If not, how do you deal with it?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Nov 21, 2009
    • We do often.  estatic

      xoxo




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kandykahne 5 wrote Nov 21, 2009
    • We have great communication as far as that topic.happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 21, 2009
    • We used to. Since I’ve been in perimenopause it’s a pretty touchy subject. The other morning I told him I was going on bio identical hormones again so I could hopefully start re kindling that part of our marriage. When I looked to him for a response I was expecting a smile, or nod, maybe some affirmation. He asked me what flavor coffee we were drinking. That hurt.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Nov 22, 2009
    • I grew up as the shy quiet one in my very assertive, outspoken, open and strong family of women. While I am still reserved (compared to my sisters) I am not afraid to put it out there. Since my hubz grew up in a male dominated world I had to teach him how to be open about certain things. We are so much better now than the 1st 10 yrs of marriage.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Nov 22, 2009
    • Morning Ladies,

      Vikki, that’s what I’m talking about... being open in a personal comfort zone. Bernadette had some good suggestions, but it’s not my comfort zone we are talking about and it’s
      illegal to hog tie a man and drag him to a therapist. I could go to jail for that! LOL

      I relate more to Cynthia’s response because my dearest does the same thing, change the subject and then he walks away. And congrations to all you lucky women! ;oD

      So how did you teach your husband how to be more open. There’s more than sex that I
      would love mine to be more open about.

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Nov 22, 2009
    • I withheld! Sex that is...lol!  

      We had a conversation once about what is actually considered cheating. And we both agreed that for a woman it is when she thinks about another in THAT way. Because for women it usually involves their heart and mind not just their bodies. That conversation was the springboard for being more open about sex. And then it led to other topics. My hubz now gets that to keep me happy and IN love he has to be involved in conversation with me. And I now get that he needs some time away from my 20 questions.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Nov 22, 2009
    • Obviously withholding Sex and giving an explanation of why ain’t working for me,
      Vikki. I tried to explain it being emotional for women, the intimacy issue for us. I
      just seize up when he tries to blame his lack of interest on me, and bring it up in
      conversations about something else no Way related to sex.  

      I asked him to woo me, spend some time with me, flirt. I promised him that it is
      the sure way to that garden gate. sigh.... no luck.  

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Nov 22, 2009
    • Tressy, you got me thinking. I’m not even sure if my hoo-hoo could live up to
      such activities now, but I didn’t think about what my health state might do for
      him feeling amorous. Like maybe it might “break” me.  

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Nov 22, 2009
    • hmmmm..... does he know this hurts you? Tell him it does!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Nov 22, 2009
    • we talk about it all the time, the lack thereof... thanks to some of my meds.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sandils1962 wrote Nov 22, 2009
    • What’s a sex life????




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lilwhitedaisy wrote Nov 22, 2009
    • you girls crack me up! If you cant talk to him about it..SHOW HIM what you want , tell him to show you what he wants, explore each others bodies like you did when you were young and dating...oh come on we all did that! lets not be prudes ladies...we are not our grandmas! men want us to take the initiative sometimes ( well all the time really!) they go thru the same feelings us women do THEY just dont admit it..you wont hear them telling their buddies ” i dont think my wife is interested in me anymore...do you think shes turned off by my beer gut, or my balding head or my flabby chin...” but men DO feel just like we do about our bodies as they age! gone is the young stud, replaced by.....well..your hubby! they suffer from self esteem issues too ya know! SO love him, next time he asks what flavor coffee his drinking, go over to him and stick your hand plainly in his crotch and say...“I WASNT TALKIN COFFEE BABY”  I guarentee he will know what your talking about then!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Nov 22, 2009
    • I like your spunk Lilwhitedaisy...it does go both ways..men need to be instructed (so to speak) when it comes to what pleases us and we as women need to be blunt sometimes and take on a more dominant role, although every one is different, for the most part when I talk with my friends, that is the conclusion we come up with.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Nov 23, 2009
    • “Tip of the Day” has been tried because that’s about as long as I have his attention
      on the subject. In thinking back, he wasn’t as interested in sex as I was and there’s
      a possibility he’s brought it up only since his brother’s wife had an affair and took
      off with the boyfriend and it’s not about wanting sex.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lilwhitedaisy wrote Nov 23, 2009
    • Ok girls , again i repeat MEN really are no different from us girls, they have the same fears, ” being cheated on, being found undesirable, wondering if your bored with them” they ONLY difference is that they dont tell ANYONE! they are MEN, men are supposed to be MACHO, not have feelings, not supposed to cry...etc etc..I would HATE to be a man. You have to learn to talk without coming across as it affects their manhood, you cant say “why dont we have sex anymore” as that to them says..” is there something wrong with you that you dont work anymore”  Praise men, let them know you think they are still handsome and let him know you still want him. But come on girls, dont let him have to do all the work, ask him what he likes....and then try giving it to him...its not all bad! My grandmother once said...” be a wife in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom!” my philosophy is .....be a whore in the kitchen too!estatic...i,m surprised my kids still eat off our kithcen table!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Nov 23, 2009
    • I would hate being a man too, but shocking news.... Men DO talk to each other and I
      can tell who my hubby has been hanging out with by attitude when he comes home.
      Sometimes he’s a sweety and very considerate, sometimes he talks like a neanderthal
      and sometimes he’s pissy towards all women like we‘re “the enemy“.  

      I wouldn’t have started this conversation if II was allowed to be “a wife in the kitchen
      and a whore in the bedroom“. You‘re having fun with this conversation, but reality is
      not all men want what you prescribe for us.  

      You‘re right, it’s not bad to give ‘em what they want but not to the point we don’t get
      what we want and need from them.  

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lilwhitedaisy wrote Nov 23, 2009
    • Cathie, I was raised by my father! so i had a very masculine view of the world. Once i made friends who were female, so many asked me WHY i had friends who were male and seemed to enjoy my company. I could only figure it was because i understood guys! BUT let me tell you, i have had to educate my hubby, i want romance, i want flowers, i want sweet messages thru out the day, i want to hear i am loved and appreciated. BUT so do men. I am not saying give em what they want and deny ourselves HECK NO, but you have to stop the negativity. We as women need to feel desirable and to be honest , we want the prelude to sex to be more than a 5 mintue grope before he gets what he wants. BUT again you have to be able to communicate , the feeling here is , if you cant communicate about sex....what do you communicate about...or does he shut down about everything...Dont make the mistake of saying the wrong things to your man...those ” why dont you want sex with me anymore” or ” why wont you talk to me“...they are not good to say to a guy. All i am trying to say is ...if your man isnt giving you what you want...its time for YOU to take the initiative and show him, tell him...if that doesnt make him open his eyes...then the only thing i can suggest is marriage councelling...BUT please make sure you are doing those things that keep couples close...being appreciative daily for who he is , having long term dreams that you talk about, having one on one time alone together where you DONT talki about kids, money or projects you want him to do. Have date nights..dress up and go out, to a movie, or dinner..( even if its just dinner and a movie in your bedroom) but try to bring back that feeling of when it was just the 2 of you, and you couldnt wait to see eac other.it takes hard work to make a marriage last, it takes forgiveness, and acceptence of the man you married, faults and all. You married him cos you loved him, did he talk about sex before? or is this a new thing...only you know your hubby.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Nov 24, 2009
    • Thanks for your input. We’ve worked through other issues and I’m sure we
      can get through this one too.  

      Cathie




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