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Okay, here’s the situation:  About two years ago I became really good friends with someone.  We hit it off instantly.  We talked all the time and went out and did things.  Then last year she got sick...cancer.  I helped her through the treatments and the surgeries.  I even flew down to Florida and drove her back home (Iowa)!  It took us three days.  Last June, she moved to Oklahoma and I have heard from her a total of 4 times via email.  Should I tell her I’m hurt that she doesn’t keep in touch anymore?  Or should I just chaulk it up that I was a ‘season’ friend and that my usefulness is over?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindy Stewart Penkoff wrote Nov 25, 2008
    • I went through a very similar situation with my best friend.  She didn’t have cancer but had a nervous breakdown.  All of a sudden, when she was “better“, I didn’t hear from her.  Mind you we lived 10 minutes apart.

      I finally got sick of it and called her on it.  The rest is history.  

      You need to let her know.  I think sometimes we are a reminder of the pain they went through.  You need to let her know that maybe you need her.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 25, 2008
    • Even for your own peace of mind you may want to clear the air. Put the cards on the table and see if she’ll come clean with why she’s been distant.

      I’m sorry this is happening. I know it’s hurtful




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Darla5 wrote Nov 25, 2008
    • I would call her and talk to her to try and clear the air.

      Maybe you will have a clearer picture once you have talked.If it continues then you can truly say I have done everything I know to do and you can move on with no regrets!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sunshineliz wrote Nov 25, 2008
    • Yes, I would clear the air for your own peace...but know that there are some people who cannot be the kind of friend we are to them.

      It’s a hard thing. I’m sorry you are going through this.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Nov 25, 2008
    • im sorry you have to go through all this. im with everone here.. you need to call her on it, and find out the reason. then, move on..

      i will keep you in my prayers
      Linni




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Nov 25, 2008
    • smart ladies!! Ditto!!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie Hempsey wrote Nov 25, 2008
    • I’d call ...see what’s up...how she is now. Maybe it will lead to an explanation. Good luck!

      ~ Ree




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leadinladytracy wrote Nov 25, 2008
    • Call her, there may be a very good reason why she has not called, clear the air.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 25, 2008
    • My mentor told me “A-S-K and you will get an answer.”  So why not call her, like all others say.  May I ask, is there something in your inner mind bothering you?  I just wonder.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leeann wrote Nov 25, 2008
    • I would call her or you could drop her a card and ask her how she has been and I would also tell her how you feel. I am very sorry,I have been in your shoes. I know it hurts. Many smiles sent your way!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      L. Denise Jackson wrote Nov 25, 2008
    • Hit the SEND button Lori!  Never let anyone take you there and don’t spend time even dealing with someone else’s extraneous emotional baggage.  There is no consideration in this and you deserve an explanation or closure...not because of what you did but because you are a human being and you were a good unconditional friend.

      Even if she hangs up and doesn’t return your call, you don’t have to wonder.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 26, 2008
    • I don’t know if you would like my comment
      I slept over that last night before I put it here.
      If you have not yet hit the send button.
      In my humble opinion
      Though you are just expressing your pain as well as hoping continued friendship in all seasons,
      I wonder if you feel different about your words today then last night.
      Heartfelt expression is great
      but not all of us can take it,
      Sometimes it like a big can of worm opened.
      I hope once again, review if necessary
      if you still feel the way it should be
      then hit the button
      and accept all kinds of positive or negative consequence.
      I personal would send a card
      telling her I miss her friendship very much
      and hope to hear from her so we can catch up.
      But that’s me and I pray your friendships with her re-blossom.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Nov 26, 2008
    • You might simply be a reminder of the worst time in her life and she may be keeping you at a distance so she doesn’t have to revisit that place. That’s me giving benefit of the doubt.

      Did any of the other friends you mention go to the same lengths you did during her illness?

      I personally think that email needs edited.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leeann wrote Nov 27, 2008
    • I really am sorry that your hurt . I think the email was little hard. My friends cancer came back and I see what she is going through. I think your really hurt and I understand But I don’t think those are the right words. The worse thing you can do is bring other people in on this matter. I would send a very postive email telling her that you miss her and your worried about her. When and if you speak
      You can bring up the other things that have upset you. I would go  soft at first.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      L. Denise Jackson wrote Nov 27, 2008
    • Lori from someone who has battled cancer over now 4 years because it has come back, there were people that I talked to and then may have faded away from but I always let them know “right now, I just need some time” or I let them know I was giving them a break if I talked to them all the time and they went with me to my doctor’s appointments and chemo treatments.  There were some who checked in, some who brought me food and/or cleaned my house, some who sat with me all night and held my hand.  There was 1 in particular who was there, and even her husband was supportive and I know that personal time was sacrificed but he was being understanding that we were friends.  I said my thank yous, sent my flowers or special gifts during my fight.  

      My family didn’t know because I didn’t want the questions everyday all day.  My friends understood that too and didn’t ask where my family was or anything like that.

      When I wanted my alone time, which could be 1 weekend or 6 months, they heard from me in some way and a lot of time it was indirect (email, text messages, a voicemail when I know they are not at home).  There were times I didn’t want to answer any more questions or times I just wanted to breathe, but I never stopped talking to those who helped me.  Appreciation was a constant...not just when I needed them.




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