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I know this couple(acquaintances).I just heard by friends this week that he is out of control violent and that she wants to leave because she is scared for her life and the baby’s. To what extent should I get mixed up in this? I mean I would be crushed if something  happened to her and I didn’t do anything before it was too late; at the same time I don’t feel it’s my place to do anything since I don’t know them that well. Where is the line of responsability here?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • Well honey suppose you don't and something happens – you would feel bad – why don't you just say to her if you ever need a shoulder , sofa whatever I'm here – so in her mind she knows she has you – that way you're not letting on you know about the abuse but your letting her know you're in her corner.

      Most women / men who are being abused are usually lacking in self confidence because it's been eroded by the abuser and also isolated by their control freak partner and also they are ashamed – so just be gentle and conciliatory.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Brown wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • Maybe do some research online about shelters for women and children in your area incase she doesn’t have anywhere to go. That was my case.  Let her know that there is somewhere to go if she doesn’t have family.  I can say from experience she probably won’t leave until she gets to the point that she would rather be dead than live like that. It’s very scary to leave. But you get to that point and you know it’s time.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • I would offer up my shoulder, couch and whatever resources you can (knowledge, support, ride, etc) and let her know you are always available.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tamra wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • The idea about giving her info on shelters and women’s services in your area is good advice, imho.  Even if you knew her very well, you are probably not equipped to handle the complications involved, where the professionals would be.  Involvement could be dangerous for you as well.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline on her behalf or give her the number. [Link Removed]

      Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services. If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.


      Lazylola, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Catkey88 wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • She isn’t going to leave until she’s ready to leave.  Part of that readiness is knowing that others believe her.  Calling her when you know he’s NOT there and simply saying, “I heard you‘re in a tough spot.  I support any decision you have to make.”  AND, if she does leave him, please do support her.  He will start rumors about her, etc.  Be supportive.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Msj wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • lazylola is correct.
      I am non practicing certified dv peer counselor
      I learned it is important to just let her know that u are there to listen...
      also the line lola gave you is very good they have phamplets for friends of abused women on how to be a friend ....
      on that hotline she will be able to call anytime 24-7 and will have someone educated on the subject to just listen when needed and advise when appropriate.
      It is VERY important to NOT judge
      - this alienates the women and re inforces the batterers control.
      Oh Im sorry I could go on so long....
      one important thing that is in the phamplets (wish i had one to send hey I could get one...) anyway
      Important for her to take her important documents birth certificates, and childs.at least one change of clothes.any extra money i know its difficult but even saving a can of penny’s..etc... and give them to a friend or hide them away from the house in case she needs to run. Also if she parks her car back it into the driveway for easy get away and keep a spare key somewhere easy to get to.
      there are shelters that relocate women and help to get them an apt after they stay in the shelter and do some rehab work on themselves. (I used to teach tai chi at one of these facilities)
      Oh so much is running through my mind..... email me if you like other info I have so much.... I can write out in email form in easier to read format..
      keep us updated please - my prayers go to her...
      oh and he may listen in on her calls so b careful what you say during times he is home...
      i so hope i didnt ramble too much!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Msj wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • ps it takes an average of 7 times of leaving before the woman FINALLY stays gone... so  be patient, maybe u could keep a diary of the things u see and hear..dates and times and details.. not tell her...




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nathalie Girard wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • Thanks ladies for all the input. You have given lots of clues to which direction to take.  

      I’ve decided it would be out of place for me to act directly since I only met her a few times, therefore she might be insulted that I interfere. I will however look for the equivalence of your hotline in France and pass the info on to some of her friends that we have in common. They are more in a position to do something about it.  

      Thanks again ladies! heartheartheart




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