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ok, my husband has a co-worker that he talks about frequently.  They have worked together for 5 years, and I know they are ‘work’ friends.  It’s a she, by the way. I have met her and she is married with children. Just becuase he talks about her several times a week, should I be concerned?

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Best Answer

You either trust him, or you don’t. Either way, dont make him uncomfortable about the subject that he doesnt feel he can come to you and talk about her to you or what happened at work that she was involved in. Not only does that put you out of the loop, but it builds a topic that he does not feel comfortable discussing with you.

 More than likely, it is simply a work friend, and it is healthy for us to have friends of the opposite sex, especially those we have things in common with. The worst thing to do is to try to find “evidence” of something when there is no sign of anything happening. Even the most innocent things can then begin to look unseemly.

 If it were me, I would set up some alone time, and discuss in a non accusatory fashion MY insecurities with the situation, and talk them out. Keeping it to yourself isn’t healthy, and talking it out sets the example that the two of you are there to support each other, and can confide in each other.

 I think too that many times men are more oblivious to the advances of a woman than we think. If she’s married with kids, and if she had an agenda that included your husband, he probably wouldnt even consider the possibility, and never even pick up the signals being shown  LOL


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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Rena Bennefield wrote Dec 1, 2008
    • Well I would have to say it would depend on how much you trust your husband..I have been burned before so for me it would be a big problem..I know my boyfriend now should not pay for someone else's indiscretions..But I am not one to forget anything. I will forgive..But I will never forget...It's kind of like being in a really bad car accident and surviving with some scars to remind me I am not always in control..And that I can be hurt at any time..Yeah I would still drive but I would still be leery of other drivers.. In my experience it's no big deal for co workers to chat now and then..How's your family, or things involving the job..Casual..But when you start sharing our personal life with another woman..*RED LIGHTS * Hell No!!!  Just my opinion..




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Dec 1, 2008
    • In my humble opinion, male seldom talks about other characters other than football and beer.  I think if this is not a red light, it is already a yellow light alert.  I would pay more attention into the context of what he talked about as well as if this lady is having a solid marriage life.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindy Stewart Penkoff wrote Dec 1, 2008
    • I agree with the ladies above, but, you know your husband.  The mere fact you are asking this question indicates you are uncomfortable with the relationship or you are feeling unsure of your own relationship.  Figure out which one it is before you engage.

      Women love my husband.  He is a man that can actually have a conversation without trying to fix it for you.  He will give you his honest opinion if you ask, but that’s it.

      Men and women alike find him to be a great friend.  That being said he has had one close female relationship at each of the 3 jobs he has had in the last 21 years.  All have caused me concern in the beginning, and I have learned what to look for.  (Been burned)

      These are true friendships, that he still has to this day, even though he no longer works with them.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Summergirl365 wrote Dec 1, 2008
    • Did he talk of other coworkers in the past?  If this is out of the norm for him, I would be concerned.  I wouldnt call a lawyer yet!
      My concern is that if she is on his mind so much that he mentions her in non-work related conversations, I think you need to pay a bit more attention. The hard part is, what do you do about it? If you tell him, will he just NOT talk about it but still may be infatuated?
      I have to say, talking does not always mean something wrong. My ex cheated with my best friend and he never EVER spoke of her or even joined in a conversation with me when I spoke of her. He was goooood......smooth........
      Follow your gut. Its never let ME down.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rebecca Deos wrote Dec 1, 2008
    • You either trust him, or you don’t. Either way, dont make him uncomfortable about the subject that he doesnt feel he can come to you and talk about her to you or what happened at work that she was involved in. Not only does that put you out of the loop, but it builds a topic that he does not feel comfortable discussing with you.

       More than likely, it is simply a work friend, and it is healthy for us to have friends of the opposite sex, especially those we have things in common with. The worst thing to do is to try to find “evidence” of something when there is no sign of anything happening. Even the most innocent things can then begin to look unseemly.

       If it were me, I would set up some alone time, and discuss in a non accusatory fashion MY insecurities with the situation, and talk them out. Keeping it to yourself isn’t healthy, and talking it out sets the example that the two of you are there to support each other, and can confide in each other.

       I think too that many times men are more oblivious to the advances of a woman than we think. If she’s married with kids, and if she had an agenda that included your husband, he probably wouldnt even consider the possibility, and never even pick up the signals being shown  LOL




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 1, 2008
    • My hubz has a co-worker like this.  

      We went to her wedding, we email, etc.

      He tells me of the things ddaily that go on, xx said this or xx told me this...etc.

      xx is gorgeous, lol. They have worked together for 10 years. She is more like a lil sis than anything else.

      When we first met, i was just starting out using my wheelchiar. It was the jurassic 3 wrap party. Another co-worker, female, and i went to get food. I came back and xx was now sitting next to my hubby. I got very freaked. lol  

      My kids met her, and they adore her.

      So literally a week ago I said ‘Rog do you know, even now it makes me cringe sometimes when you talk about xx all the time.’ He looked at me like ‘what‘. Then he smiled and said that she is like a lil sis, they work together every day, so things that happen usually are involving her. Then he said, that i am the only woman in his life, his first and last love. To him i am the most beautiful woman in the world, he wants no other!  

      When i really look at it, i DO know my hubby, and i know xx. Neither are the kind of people to do this. She and i email and her hubz and mine are friends. He works there to.  

      For me, it is my insecurities about my disibility that make me feel this way. Before I would never have given it a thought.  

      You know your hubby, maybe tell him that sometimes it makes you uncomfortable. It really did help me!!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Michelle Rowe wrote Dec 1, 2008
    • What they say is true-a lot of people find their spouses at work because they are together a lot and have something in common. I’ve gone through this with my husband as well. It’s uncomfortable when a female co-worker becomes a friend outside of the work place. It would make me sniff around a bit. Like some have mentioned also, you know your husband the best and either you trust him or you don’t. If you don’t, then this needs to be addressed. Keep us posted.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kpg19 wrote Dec 1, 2008
    • I agree with Art_Counsel. Go out to lunch or dinner w/ a few of his co-workers. Invite this woman he speaks of and observe their behavior together. If she’s such a great co-worker, and that’s all it is, he should be more than willing to have you all go out together. Just keep your cool and don’t act jealous. Good luck.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kpg19 wrote Dec 1, 2008
    • I agree with Art_Counsel. Go out to lunch or dinner w/ a few of his co-workers. Invite this woman he speaks of and observe their behavior together. If she’s such a great co-worker, and that’s all it is, he should be more than willing to have you all go out together. Just keep your cool and don’t act jealous. Good luck.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Ohthat wrote Dec 17, 2008
    • I think you‘re right to be concerned.  It doesn’t mean your husband is doing anything wrong or is planning on doing anything wrong.  However, most affairs are between co-workers because they spend so much time together without all of the pressures of home life.  She can be anything she wants to be at work (thoughtful, good listener, etc.) without her co-workers seeing her with the flu, pissed off because someone didn’t unload the dishwasher, etc.  You know, everything we wives aren’t, those special co-workers can be.

      I’ve been in this situation twice.  The first time resulted in a divorce as my now ex-husband was having an affair with the co-worker he talked about so much.  I was completely clueless because women always liked my ex, he had a lot of female friends.

      The second was with my current husband.  He began to talk about a woman he worked with, first it was just casual stuff, then it was more personal things.  I knew that I had to meet her because my warning bells were going off.  Even though I trust my husband, I didn’t necessarily trust  her .  After I met her, I didn’t feel like her behavior was really appropriate for a workplace, it’s just that gut feeling that we should ALWAYS listen to.  Soon after, she was fired abruptly from her job and was no longer a co-worker.  However, she still keeps in contact with my husband via emails and text messages, which he is now finding odd since they don’t work together.  But he’s always been appropriate with her (which I learned from snooping).

      Don’t ignore it, but don’t freak out either.  Meet her and then see what you think.




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