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Do you ever wish you never had children or were a mother?  Have you ever felt like your natural mothering instinct has gone or you have lost that mothering feeling?
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Hmmmm. Doesn’t every sane woman every now and then want to run screaming for the door?  

I know I do/did on occasion experience “wanting to get out from under it all” kinds of feelings, but they passed and I am glad that I invested so much of myself and my time into my children.  

As far as the hormone thing, the closest I have come to experiencing that was my pregnancy with my 5th child.  High AFP levels in my blood, baby may have spina bifida, sonogram, amniocentesis, spina bifida ruled out, baby may have kidney disease, will only live 2-3 days after birth, termination is an option (well, it WAS NOT an option to me!) etc.etc.etc. thru out the whole pregnancy until about 37 wks, my ob/gyn finally says, I think things will be ok.  Long story short, we had a bouncing baby girl, perfectly formed,perfectly healthy.  But I had a difficult time nursing her, not physically, but emotionally.  I did not want to cuddle with her.  Left her with a sitter frequently.  In retrospect, I took good care of her physically, but emotionally I was detached.  So much so that my husband was concerned and he, good man that he is, took up the slack and spent a lot of time with the baby.  I eventually, 6-7 mos after her birth, got over it and now I have this amazing 20 yr old daughter who is so talented and wonderful, it makes me cry sometimes.

I learned years later from a midwife, that women who have difficult pregnancies sometimes do not allow themselves to love their child because they may lose the child.  It is a subconscious reflexive action to protect one from more hurt.  Made sense to me, so I always share my experience with pregnant women who are struggling.  Just let them know it is ok, things will work out, to be patient with themselves.  And the baby is always worth it.


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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote May 3, 2010
    • If you are interested in this question...I am looking for a few good women to discuss this topic this coming Thursday at 8 PM EST on the Real Life RadioNetwork Show “Postcards from Oz“.  Please contact me here in the comment section or at [Link Removed]


      Shepherdess5, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Veggie wrote May 3, 2010
    • No.  Never wished I didn’t have my two daughter.  Loved being a mother.  Things may have not worked out as I had hoped, but I’d do it all again.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tamra wrote May 3, 2010
    • No.  I have even given up my career in order to devote most of my energy and time to be a parent full-time.  Being mom fulfills me deeply, beyond anything I have ever experienced in other areas of my life.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Ladisheets wrote May 3, 2010
    • i have no children and am very content in my life at this time 46 years old.  

      I guess you dont miss what you dont have.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote May 3, 2010
    • At one time when I was transitioning between perio-menopause and menopause...about 49 years old....I did lose my feeling for nurturing my children. It threw me off balance because I had given up a lucrative career in Navy Journalism...I was on the military fast track and I gave up this career for raising my children.  I had NEVER regretted this decision...yet at this transitioning time I lost my need for children cuddles and the instinct to nurture and care take.  I did not miss my children when I was away from them and when they were near me...I tended to not welcome their loving gestures...in fact, I even ignored them at times.  I felt horribly guilty for this, especially when I discovered it was connected to a Hormone issue I was having...it was lack of estrogen and oxytocin in my system.  Since I have been replacing my hormone bio-identically I have regained a my nurture and motherly instinct...I am so glad because I thought I was crazy and a HORRIBLE mother for feeling this way.  

      Please don’t be shy to admit it...if you have lost that closeness or need to nurture your children post your answer anonymously.  You are not alone in this feeling!!  It is best to talk about it and then find the help you need...you will be so glad you did.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote May 3, 2010
    • At one time when I was transitioning between perio-menopause and menopause...about 49 years old....I did lose my feeling for nurturing my children. It threw me off balance because I had given up a lucrative career in Navy Journalism...I was on the military fast track and I gave up this career for raising my children.  I loved being home with my kids AND being a mother. In fact, when I left the Navy I only had two children...I loved it so much we had three more...FIVE in all!  I had NEVER regretted this decision...yet at this transitioning time I lost my need for children cuddles and the instinct to nurture and care take.  I did not miss my children when I was away from them and when they were near me...I tended to not welcome their loving gestures...in fact, I even ignored them at times.  I felt horribly guilty for this, especially when I discovered it was connected to a Hormone issue I was having...it was lack of estrogen and oxytocin in my system.  Since I have been replacing my hormone bio-identically I have regained a my nurture and motherly instinct...I am so glad because I thought I was crazy and a HORRIBLE mother for feeling this way.  

      Please don’t be shy to admit it...if you have lost that closeness or need to nurture your children post your answer anonymously.  You are not alone in this feeling!!  It is best to talk about it and then find the help you need...you will be so glad you did.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rose Nino wrote May 3, 2010
    • I only wish I HAD been blessed with children! From the time I was 18 yrs old, all I ever wanted was to be a mom. Unfortunately, I had female problems from the time I was diagnosed at 22 yrs of age! My health just got worse over the years. You name it I’ve pretty much had it. I am just blessed to have come across the BEST nutritionals in my life and now I’m finally living life!! I missed out on too many years but I’m finally healthy and HAPPY! GOD is AMAZING and has already blessed me so much. heartheart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rose Nino wrote May 3, 2010
    • @Amy (and all moms). Sounds like you are a fantatic mom. I don’t believe feeling the way you have at one point in your life makes you a bad mother. I know for a fact that those hormones as well as depression, illnesses, etc can make us feel and think some awful things. You are all beautiful and very blessed.  

      Hugz heartheart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Allinet48 wrote May 3, 2010
    • No regrets or wishing I didn’t have 4 children. As they have gotten more independent the relationship changes. I don’t feel like the nurturer I once was. We are still close and talk frequently.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kathryn O'Hara wrote May 3, 2010
    • Hmmmm. Doesn’t every sane woman every now and then want to run screaming for the door?  

      I know I do/did on occasion experience “wanting to get out from under it all” kinds of feelings, but they passed and I am glad that I invested so much of myself and my time into my children.  

      As far as the hormone thing, the closest I have come to experiencing that was my pregnancy with my 5th child.  High AFP levels in my blood, baby may have spina bifida, sonogram, amniocentesis, spina bifida ruled out, baby may have kidney disease, will only live 2-3 days after birth, termination is an option (well, it WAS NOT an option to me!) etc.etc.etc. thru out the whole pregnancy until about 37 wks, my ob/gyn finally says, I think things will be ok.  Long story short, we had a bouncing baby girl, perfectly formed,perfectly healthy.  But I had a difficult time nursing her, not physically, but emotionally.  I did not want to cuddle with her.  Left her with a sitter frequently.  In retrospect, I took good care of her physically, but emotionally I was detached.  So much so that my husband was concerned and he, good man that he is, took up the slack and spent a lot of time with the baby.  I eventually, 6-7 mos after her birth, got over it and now I have this amazing 20 yr old daughter who is so talented and wonderful, it makes me cry sometimes.

      I learned years later from a midwife, that women who have difficult pregnancies sometimes do not allow themselves to love their child because they may lose the child.  It is a subconscious reflexive action to protect one from more hurt.  Made sense to me, so I always share my experience with pregnant women who are struggling.  Just let them know it is ok, things will work out, to be patient with themselves.  And the baby is always worth it.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Victorious wrote May 3, 2010
    • No....I just wish I had a lot of stuff in place before I had children and that I had them earlier....I love and enjoy my kids. I wish I had more.heartheartheart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Msj wrote May 3, 2010
    • No . My only regret is that I was not a better parentfrown




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote May 3, 2010
    • no regretsestatic I have 3 amazing boys.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote May 4, 2010
    • Of all the things I have done in my life the thing I'm most proud of is my daughter. I acknowledge I've had a blessed life and done loads but what has made it most worthwhile is her – jobs come and go but my daughter is ever present in my life.
      I just view it as I was lucky to have her




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      KRIS JULIN wrote May 4, 2010
    • I had never wanted children, my mother kept nagging me, the I am never going to be a grandmother guilt trip. I had been married for 4 years by then and was in my 30s. I gave in, got drunk and conceived.  I had pre-eclampsia, so it was not a pleasant pregnancy.  I did not even have a name chosen when I went into labour. I was not excited about having a baby at all. I think it was because my husband and I were not getting along and I really wanted out of he marriage by then. When I had my son, I could not hold him. When everyone had left and I was alone with him, I could not believe that I produced this little creature.  He was so small and looked like a doll, little pouty lips. He is my life now, nearly 15 years later, even when he puts his disgusting gagging smelly feet on my lap ( for 1 second only) he is my baby. I am still not child friendly, but my son knows that, but he puts up with me. I do the grown up things with him.....




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote May 5, 2010
    • Please tune in tomorrow night to [Link Removed] when we will be celebrating Mother's Day with stories about mothers...mothering and becoming a mother...becoming a Grandmother...The show starts at 8 PM EST...I am also looking for a few people to share their stories On-Air...so call in at  (347) 237-4296 or share your comments and questions in the Chat Room.


      Shepherdess5, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.




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