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What would you do if you  had a friend who lived some distance away but who was a very ‘needy’ friend, phoning sometimes up to 5 times a day, lurching from one crisis to another, claiming to need help and support that as a friend I should be there to provide, regardless of what trauma I may be going through myself. If I offer any advice it is accepted and then nearly always ignored ( which is her right) however then I have to deal with the aftermath.
I am currently going through the process of seperation and part of me feels I need to cut ties and try and cope with what is happening in my own life and family. I have known this person for about 18 months through a mutual friend, who has also cut ties with this person.. Am I selfish or should I look after me and my own first? Any advice on how to deal with and or help with this friend who I suspect is Bi polar, would be greatfully accepted

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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote May 19, 2010
    • Honey cut the ties honestly as your final comment says it all "I have known this person for about 18 months through a mutual friend, who has also cut ties with this person.. "

      Last year I dumped around 7 toxic contacts I call them contacts because they were not friends
      A friend is someone who is there for you and listens to you and is looking out for you.

      I did a calendar for a week and marked off my working day and leisure time and coloured in red all the toxic dumps and then me time blue and the work yellow and guess which spilled into everything RED ....... removed the red and harmony is restored. Your not selfish just being protective of you & trust me when I say they will find someone new to dump on quicker than you can blink !




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote May 19, 2010
    • I agree. Good luck.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Kmarie wrote May 19, 2010
    • Set limits. i have a friend who really is a friend but fit your discription for a period of time. I told them I was not listening to anything negative. I cut them off when they start. I also limit their conversation, I tell them that I am busy I have to get off the phone. I only deal with them when I feel like it and how I feel like it




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coralee Flug wrote May 19, 2010
    • Vikki you said it perfect!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Brown wrote May 19, 2010
    • I agree with Vicki.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cristina Corral wrote May 19, 2010
    • I would take care of yourself first!  Good luck and hope you cut ties soon! worried




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Victorious wrote May 19, 2010
    • I agree with ukgirl...You do not need anyone that is toxic in your life right now. There are some people that will drain out the life in you. It is very important to sort out yourself first before you can extend help to others. Thats why they say that you should put your oxygen on first in a plane before you help even your own child. You will die trying to help people like this.heartheartheart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Msj wrote May 19, 2010
    • I learned from a class my Pastor teaches that in order to get/stay healthy we need to maintain sense of calm and stability in our own lives and I suggets the next time this person asks you what to do. turn it back on them and tell them You can’t TELL them what to do... “The next time you call me I expect to hear 5 possible solutions to your problem ” (this is if you decide to keep involved)

      Also I learned that when you accept the responsibility to help someone, make sure you have enough YOU to give because it is a BIG responsibility to say yes I will help....  

      Personally I have learned to say No, I can’t. Or Why don’t you talk to so and so...

      Or just be blunt with the person if they keep on pressuring you
      I also agree with the girls to cut the ties...
      Good luck , Im sorry the person is causing stress.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote May 19, 2010
    • The fabbies said it all.  I would also not make myself not so available.  Screen your calls.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paris Mano wrote May 19, 2010
    • Cut your ties and RUN!!heart
      You have become a toxic dumping ground for her.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote May 19, 2010
    • You need to take care of yourself.  If your friend isn’t okay with a weekly phone call, then she is far too needy!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Brimstone1968 wrote May 19, 2010
    • In 2006 while on vacation in Washington I went online and got rid of some toxic friends and i did it in real life as well.  I am telling you my friend it is a great relief.  People like her only vexes your spirit and you leave feeling so drained and even mad at at times.  You have to take care of yourself honey.  Let her and other toxic friends go they will find another.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cloda Rowe wrote May 20, 2010
    • A huge thank you to you all for your advice.. greatfully accepted and will take that step today
      heart




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