What is wrong with spoiling our children if they aren’t brats and expect it all the time? What if they pay it forward at 14 and are kind, loving and caring. Why should some try to make me feel guilty?
Well, if they aren’t brats and don’t expect you to give them everything, and they pay their good fortunes in life forward then they‘re not really spoiled, are they? I mean, when I think of a kid that is spoiled, that sort of kid feels like they deserve everything “just because.”
That said, I think that giving them everything sets up future problems where they will fail to make the connection between work = reward.
Ignore the people who are trying to make you feel guilty. Sounds like you are doing a great job if your kids are learning early on to pay it forward.
If your kids are spoiled and generous at 14 that is all well and good. But if at,say,24, your kid is frustrated by life because he/she always got what he/she wanted and now no longer does, you have failed as a parent. You will not be able to control circumstances in your child’s life after they grow up and you have not educated or equipped them to cope with the hard stuff that life can show them. Sorry, mom. It is a good thing to say,“NO” sometimes.
I guess you missed the part where it says “and don’t expect all the time ” and my 25year old was raised the same way and he pays it forward also. and where did I write that I gave them everything? maybe the word spoiled is to general of a word and it makes everyone assume you give your children everything and don’t teach them rewards that’s not the case I guess my question should have been less tackful. I should have said why do people make me feel guilty for having the money to spend on my children and is it wrong to want to?With that said you can also spoil (there’s that word again ) your children without buying or giving them anything.
Like Annie said we all interpret things differently. I don’t think anyone meant to backlash you, Cris.
For me I think I spoiled my only child. When she was a little girl, my dad would make me feel guilty because she had alot of toys, but I ignored him. When she started to expect things from me because I spoiled her, I realize my mistake as a parent and then taught her that she can’t always have what she wants. Of course, that upset her, but she got over it quickly.
If people make you feel guilty, so what, tell them I have the money to spend on them because they deserve it.
I think it is the word spoiled. When I hear spoiled I think spoiled rotten brat!
I was ‘spoiled’ rotten. Not a brat. [ok i had my bratty times] lol Born with a silver spoon and all, yet I also did my chores, helped around the house, got good grades, etc.
On my first car at 16, a 1969 Camaro, it said ‘not spoiled, just loved’
I turned out ok! lol
And Cris, you can spoil me anytime you want!
There you go - my spoil was not a brat. She turned out wonderful and I’m so proud of her!
Mztracy, lucky you to get a car at 16 and I love the message. I can’t afford a car for my daughter, she has to work on getting it herself. In the meantime, she drives my car.
I actually paid for the car with a small savings I had. But my dad paid for all else like insurance.
When going to college my dad took care of my rent and utilities etc. I still had to work for any ‘fun’ things I wanted.
My dad came from nothing and worked his way up, way up. He was not handed any of his money. When I say he was poor, that is an understatement. lol
He made sure we never wanted for anything as did/does my mom. I’m still spoiled as are my kids. lol I think kids look at money differently when their parents didn’t have it handed down, as my dad taught us to work for what we wanted. He did not make his money by sitting on his ass.
My hubby is the same way. He works his butt of harder than any man I know. And when we are able we ‘spoil’ our kids as well. Not to the extent of my dad, but we still do. You are only young once!
I guess it’s a sensitive subject with me and I do apologize. I should have worded my question differently. I was raised alot like mz t but with alot of love and morals. I am very fortunate to have been left the means that I can not worry. and I have a very good job on top of that. I wish I had worded the question differently in the beginning so please let me explain and then your thoughts please.I have friends from all different situations and we never flaunt ours but I do enjoy spending money not only for my children but for my nieces and nephews. I enjoy paying it forward to charities and ect (trying to be very tactful here ) the other day, I guess about aweek ago I heard my friend (term loosely at this point )tell another friend that I spoil my daughter to much and I should be ashamed.My mouth hit the floor. Her family is struggling in this economy and her daughter really wanted to go to camp the same one mine did so I paid for it. I never told her I was the one that paid but it leaked to her.At camp my daughter had everything new ONLY because she had never been to camp. So now her thing is I am spoiling my daughter ect ect bla bla blaSo my question basically was based on this. Why can’t I spend on my daughter when she herself pays it forward. I should have left the word spoiled out of it. I’m sorry for not asking the question better.
Bottom line is, she is your child and you can do whatever you feel is right. Sounds like a bit of envy on your friends part. That is her issue, not yours.
And again, anytime you wanna spoil someone I’m here!!
What Tracy said!
I agree with Mztracy and Lola. Jealously makes people disrespectful.
Thanks for explaining the question, Cris. That was awesome of you, but no need to apologize.
Like Mztracy said, you can spoil or spend money on me too.