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Q & A

After being in a long term relationship or marriage do you think there should be a waiting period before moving onto another relationship? If so how long should you wait?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Aug 27, 2010
    • I think it all depends. I met Joe right away and married him 7 months later. In retrospect I wish I had waited about a year. I’ve never really been alone since I was 18. But I have friends who met someone right away too and turned out to be the love of their life.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie66 wrote Aug 27, 2010
    • Thank you...I feel the same way too.. I’ve been separated from my future ex hubby since June 15th we were married for 13 1/2 yrs and we both agreed on the divorce, we fell out of love with one another and no matter what happens we want to remain friends..
      I found out recently that he (the future ex) has a girlfriend and honestly it doesn’t bother me but I just don’t see how someone can jump into a relationship so quick.. He tells me constantly not to rush into anything but yet he’s doing just that.. I feel that he really didn’t care much about the marriage or how much I put into it.. I don’t wish hate towards him I just want this marriage over with so I can move forward and do want I need to do for myself and my boys..




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Aug 27, 2010
    • I absolutely think there should be a waiting period, now how long it depends on the individual and if they learned anything from the breakup of the former relationship(s). I personally think many jump right back into the game too soon after a breakup only to find themselves alone again, and again, and never really giving any thought as to why? We all need to do some soul searching even when we‘re in a relationship just to keep ourselves in check. I try to do this on a regular basis, because I have been out there single for a long time after my 1st marriage and I truly don’t like being alone I don’t think anyone does and I love my current hubby too much as well as put too much work into this relationship (prayer) and being committed to him. Yes one should consider taking out some time, but its up to the individual to determine how much time they honestly feel they need. This way there won’t be any hardship on either person in future relationships. Just MHOhappy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Aug 27, 2010
    • After almost 2 years I am now taking baby steps. Non dates, more like hanging out getting to know the fellow.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Aug 27, 2010
    • I don’t think there should be a “waiting period“. It really depends mostly on the marriage and what you got from it, your knowing what it was lacking and what you missed most from being married. If it’s not in your heart to trust someone else, then wait to get hot and heavy with someone else, but date if you‘re ready to, or wait. Just don’t live in a emotional void because your marriage ended. And men do usually move on quicker than women will,
      but its not always the case.  

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda L wrote Aug 27, 2010
    • Later after my ex asked for a divorce I found out that he was chatting with women on-line for quite some time. He fell in “love” with some and according to him these women were what he desires. During our separation period he may have visited one or two of these women. We had a long separation, he took our daughter once or twice a month for visitation.  On the day my then 5 year old told me dad is going to live with his girlfriend at his mom’s place, I fell apart.  To make a long story short, 2 months after our divorce was finalized he married this woman.  It took me a long time to get over this pain.

      For most men and some woman there is no waiting period.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Aug 27, 2010
    • I think it’s very much an individual thing.  I literally moved out of my husband’s house and into my boyfriends.  it worked for me because I knew exactly what I wanted and knew I’d found it.  Not everyone would be ready to do that, but it worked for me.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie66 wrote Aug 27, 2010
    • As far as I’m concern I’m not rushing into anything and want to find out what it is I want... I got lost somewhere in this marriage, I was always giving and never receiving.. I don’t like being myself either but I’m NOT going to go out and find someone just so I won’t be lonely.. When and if it happens  it happens I’m leaving it in God’s hands.. I did ask him why he was rushing things and his answer was “because he’s not getting any younger“.. All I know that I want to take my time if and when I get into another relationship..

      Linda L. I’m sorry for what you had to go thru.. I know that in time you will find someone special but know that your a strong women and that your not alone.. Take care of yourself and your daughter..
      I know that right now it doesn’t hurt me that my soon to be ex is in another relationship but I know that once our divorce is final it will hurt.. He was a big part of my life and my boys..




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda L wrote Aug 27, 2010
    • Thanks Marie for you kindness.  To further explain my story after the divorce I reached out for counseling (what you can pay) which helped me do some soul searching on myself, what did I do to cause this marriage to fall apart, and I encountered the demons - it wasn’t just him and I certainly had a part in the fall of the marriage.  Also, thru a co-worker I also attended a divorce care group at her church and was able to confer with others who were going thru the same thing.  I had a good friend as well to talk to and cry on.  If it weren’t for all the support, I would have gotten into a deep depression.  Also, I had to be strong for my daughter and she grew up to be an awesome beautiful person (because of me, of course).

      Marie, I’m sorry to know what you are going thru. You are also a strong and special lady and wonderful mom.  Reach out to fab40 anytime because we care!  Take care. happy

      heart,
      Linda




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nerissa wrote Aug 27, 2010
    • There’s a song by Melissa Manchester sang that is appropriate” There’s a house on the hill and it’s constantly filled with a number of passing acquaintances, but I am tired and spent and the friendship is well meant, but the rents getting high and my maintenance, why should I care about leaving them here when nobody’s  home when you need them, even after you love them and you feed them,* so* *do not disturb me this lady is not home today, I’ve got time off for God behavior, time off to please my Savior.”  Those words speak volmues to me, taking time off to redefine yourself and create a new life the way you want it to beheart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Aug 27, 2010
    • I beleive it is dependent upon each individual and the type of break-up they are coming off of....IMHO I also believe it depends if there are children involved.  When a marriage is ending and the children are struggling with the break-up...time should not only be devoted to their needs and their feelings considered when a new person is stepping in.  

      Experts say that everyone no matter their personality needs to give themselves two to three years after a divorce or a longterm relationship break up.  It gives the person time to grieve, heal and regain their footing and self-esteem...plus if children are involved it gives them the same time also...PLUS it avoids the rebound relationship.  

      Now...Have I followed this wisdom?... No...I met my second husband while I was going through my divorce and went on our 1st date the day the final divorce papers arrived in March...we married by August that year..we have been married 23 years this month.

      So...I guess it all depends on the people  and the alignment of the planets or some thing...or maybe it was in God’s plan in the first place.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Aug 28, 2010
    • I would say take some time to reflect and heal, but not too much time.  I’ve been single for 12 years since my divorce.  I came out of it bitter and scared to death of a repeat experience.  When my daughter graduates from high school I will come home every day to an empty place.  I don’t want the same for you.  You are beautiful and have much to offer.  When you‘re ready, go see who is out there.  In the meantime take good care of yourself and your children. heart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Aug 29, 2010
    • I agree with Melissa. ;oD  

      Cathie




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