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anonymous Anonymous

Q & A

My boyfriend of 3 months is constantly on the go, except for TV time.  I feel he is never in the moment and always planning or thinking of the next thing he has to get done.  Part of his driven-ness may be due to a past addiction that he has overcome and he feels he needs to be very regimented to avoid slipping.  Any advice?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Sep 6, 2010
    • I’m not sure what you want advice on........... getting him to slow down, drug addition, or if he should be your boyfriend!

      Good luck tho!!!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Sep 6, 2010
    • Just how to get him to slow down and enjoy the limited amount of time we have together.  He rarely has 2 days off in a row and works 50-55 hours/week plus.  I feel as though we‘re on the clock the entire time we are together.  He sometimes has to get up as early as 4:30 am for work so he’s very regimented about an early bed time and regimented about every thing else for that matter.  On the plus side, he is very generous with helping me with anything around my house and very polite and usually willing to do any activity.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Sep 6, 2010
    • Chances are you won’t be able to slow him down since he has an agenda on his mind (sounds like he keeps busy so he don’t have time to think about addiction). So maybe you should come up with things to do together that will keep him on the go!

      Also just a word of caution..... You yourself need to be prepared to handle his addiction (even if he stays clean)I don’t these things ever go away!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Sep 6, 2010
    • Maybe it would help if you scheduled things in advance with him so he could block out the time in his mind and not be busy anticipating what he needs to do next?  It sounds like a difficult relationship for you to be in.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kathryn O'Hara wrote Sep 7, 2010
    • I agree with Termagsea.  The question you might consider asking yourself is, “Do I want a relationship with this person?”  You will not be able to change him, you can only accept him for who he is and who he is not.  Make a list of relationship pros and cons.  If the pros outweigh the cons, keep him as he is.  Good luck on this...everyone deserves love, even driven workaholics!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Sep 7, 2010
    • I dated a man many years ago that was a recovering alcoholic, and he was like your boy-
      friend somewhat in that he didn’t feel “present” for me and wasn’t spontaneous. I would follow Kathryn’s advice with making a pros & cons list and see how it adds up for you? He
      is likely not going to change so can you take him as he is?  

      I’m hoping the best for you!  

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda L wrote Sep 7, 2010
    • I agree with Kathryn and Cathie’s great advice.

      Take good care of yourself.




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