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Q & A

How many feel its ok to forgive, but not forget? Do you think its wrong to say that you have forgiven a person but still hold on to the memory of the thing the person did to hurt you?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Sep 19, 2010
    • The reason I pose this question is because it was something my hubby and I were discussing over coffee this morning and he and I both feel its not ok to say that you can forgive a person but still hold on to the very thing that someone has done to you that hurt you. If you say you have forgiven then you should let go of the memory of that thing because in our opinons holding on to the memory only reminds you of the hurt and you‘re still harboring feelings so in actuality you have not forgiven, if this makes sense. Can anyone relate and care to elaberate on the question?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Sep 19, 2010
    • All I will say is I agree with you both and I can relate.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kathryn O'Hara wrote Sep 19, 2010
    • It depends on what the forgiveness is for.  For instance if someone wounded you and it was a spiteful thing on their part, it would be foolish to “forget” because you are leaving yourself open to more spite.  “If it happens once, shame on you.  If it happens twice, shame on me” is what I am trying to express.  It is unhealthy to set aside judgement and allow someone who hurts you or your family to have access to you.

      Having said that, it sounds,neicy, like you and your man are talking about a healthy relationship where mistakes and forgiveness occur between consenting adults and it is a part of the dynamic of the relationship.  When my husband apologises, I forgive and forget, sometimes forgive even if he doesn’t apologise.  That is love in a relationship and it is essential for a good relationship.  So, I totally agree with you in that context.

      But to allow someone who is unsafe, unhealthy or ugly to have access to your life because you “forgive and forget” is unwise.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tamra wrote Sep 19, 2010
    • Agreed, missuso.  Forgiveness =/= forgetting when the hurt is deep.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Sep 20, 2010
    • I agree with if you forgive then you need to forget.  However, IMO, it’s eaier said than done.  For example; I have a good friend that said something very spiteful and hurtful to me and I didn’t speak with her for over a year.  I ran into her and her husband and she came up to me and said “you didn’t deserve what I did to you“.  She never said “_I’m sorry_ “. I knew this was her way of apologizing so I “accepted” her apology and let it go.  I have forgiven her but I can’t erase the memory of what happened.  I don’t dwell on it, I’ve never brouht it up to her.  We get along as if nothing ever interrupted our friendship.  So, what I’m trying to say (if it makes sense) is, I have forgiven her but I haven’t forgotten about it.  Am I making any sense?  LOL




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Sep 20, 2010
    • I’m with Kathryn on this one. She makes perfect sense to me.  

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Sep 20, 2010
    • There are those in my life that have hurt me deeply and I have not forgiven them in my mind, I only tolerate them and that makes it much easier for me to be around them...I only forgive and forget if the person matters to me significantly..hope that does not sound cruel, but it works for me.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Msj wrote Oct 20, 2010
    • forgiveness is for you - so you don’t cary that burden. Who can make themselves forget anything?  After forgiving, the memory of the “deed” may lighten... but I don’t believe you ever forget. Because you remember, doesn’t always mean you are angry/hurt etc...

      The guy that almost murdered me, I forgave him...eventually. Will I EVER  forget? NO, my disabilities grow worse year by year... but I do know that he had bad things happen to him that played into his behavior/sickness and I wish him all the healing God can give.

      Also, you can forgive someone then put them out of your life!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Oct 21, 2010
    • That’s a lot of forgiving to do, MSJ. I congratulate you for being able to recognize how messed up he was and forgive him.  

      Hugs,
      Cathie




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