| Sign-up, its free! | Close [x] |
|
|
Benefits
|
| Sign-up, its free! | Close [x] |
|
|
Benefits
|
Anonymous
Help! I have completely lost my libido. I can’t remember the last time I had an orgasm. I went to the doctor and he gave me some testosrene (sp?) cream but it didn’t help. We’ve tried foreplay, different positions, K-Y jelly to help with lubrication, nothing. I used to have a fabulous sex life with my husband but now we have kids and I hate to say it but I’m not attracted to him anymore. He’s put on quite a bit of weight. He’s always initiating and I feel bad that he always has to, but I just am not interested. Any suggestions?
For me sex starts way before the act happens. Sometimes you can try texting him, teasing him. When you get home instead of the usual shorts and tees you probably just do the tee with no shorts or tee and thong. Trying cuddling, think of what foreplay u used before. Sitting on his lap, letting his fingers massage your nipples with baby oil, massage your butt, theighs, between your legs, even massaging your secret spot. Kissing his ear, his nipples, soft touches. Share a bath together. Try a different part of the house like the couch, behind a door, the counter, the floor it does not have to be in a bed and at night. Sexing at bed time is just that sex not making love, half the time you want it over so u could just fall sleep. If sexy talk turn you on while making love let him know or you talk it and get your groove on. If you have a wild fantasy play it out. Let your imagination run wild with you and just do it.
Part of the problem though is that you are not attracted to him anymore and seeing past that is hard. Concering his weight have that conversation. Bring to his attention the effects of excessive weight gain and point out that one is having your mate lose interest physcially and sexually. Let him know you want to feel what you used to feel and you know he wants it back as well so he got to work with you to get it back and part of the work is to shed a few pounds. Let him know his panting is a turn off and he is to heavy, let him know, maybe he think all is well andyou just puttinghim off. I have said a mouthful but I sincerely hope you get back the desire. I saw you mention kids, donot know how old but if still in your hair, try a family member to hold them for a night and book a local hotel room, maybe a different environment will do. Relax and have some fun, wishing you all the best.
Brimstone......DAMN! Lol thanks for the advice lol. I got nothing after that.
Im sorry your going through this. And removing my post above she said everything very well.
I hope you can talk to him and he understands for both of ur sakes.
Anonymous
You are not alone. I have not wanted to have sex and some nights I have wished that my lady parts would fall off my body so I wouldn’t have to go through with it anymore. I had blood work done last month and all of my hormone levels are normal. I experience a lot of pain during intercourse and as a result I never want to make love anymore. I’m at the point where I don’t even miss it.
Are you on any medications like anti-depressants or anti-anxiety treatments? Those will totally destroy your sex drive. But if you are no longer attracted to him, it is time to be honest with him and tell him why. Weight gain would be a thrill killer for me and it is not healthy to suppress that.
On the other hand, now you have children and sometimes you are so busy caring for them that you are just too tired and/or stressed to think about sex. And if it helps, men have to have sex, physiologically. They are uncomfortable if they don’t, so try not to resent your husband because he is initiating sex. Something must have attracted you to him besides sex, so you might consider thinking of his good qualities whenever you start to feel disgust. Kind of retrain the thought process to focus on the positives in his character. You have my empathy; if you believe that marriage is a forever commitment, try to realize that this too shall pass and life goes on. You are just in a difficult place right now.
And damn! brimstone said it all!
Have you thought of couples therapy/counseling? Are you two affectionate with each other outside of the bedroom? Do you have some romantic time together? Like candle light dinners out on the patio/terrace/deck without the kids where you can rekindle the spark, just laugh and talk together, flirt, be affectionate. I mean talk about the good ol’ days and music and friends and movies, past vacations that were fun... like on a date. No business or family dynamics discussions. Sex starts outside the bedroom and date nights give a new shine to an old marriage. ;oD
And if there is something else besides his weight that shuts you down, tell him, but in a you love him way because you’ll get better results that way. If this doesn’t work, couples therapy/counseling is an option.
Meanwhile... about his weight... why not watch, “The Biggest Loser” together? He may relate to some of the men on the show and see how being over weight is a health risk.
Best wishes to you!
Cathie
Brimstone covered all the bases-but in addition to her excellent advice I would begin reading a very sexy novel and fantasizing you are the woman in the novel and your husband is that hot sexy man doing all the exciting things in the novel. BUT while you are reading-take your time and you must be honest with him to lose the weight their is no reason you cannot be honest about the fact it turns you off. By the time he loses the weight you will be finished with the novel and do all the things Brimstone suggested with him!!
My husband is a bit overweight as well so what we did at the beginning of the month between both of us is set a goal for 12lbs by our 20th anniversary on December 8. I am already on a plan with the ladies here but I got in this with him so he has a partner. Oh the Biggest Loser is a show we watch together and it helps. I have not been able to a lot right now because of night work but try looking at it together. Love ya, I am confident you will get it back.
Dear Anon,
You have my sympathy and I am sorry you are going thru this. I really don’t have anything to add that hasn’t already been said so I wish you luck.
Vikki
You can do anything!
Come chat with us!
Chit Chat Club
What are you grateful for today?
GratitudeDairy
Independent Stylist
Vikki Hall- Stella & Dot Stylist
What more can I say? I would like to address the fact that you are no longer interested because he has put on weight. The weight is not the problem because you should be seeing him as who he is and not his outer appearance. If he has changed his behaviour in any way, perhaps he has done something you didn’t like, you guys should talk about it. Maybe you are having problems which you need to address on your own? Emotional problems, are you having work problems? kids out of control? are you depressed? maybe you need some time off from everyone, just go away by yourself? not feeling sexy at the moment? having financial stress? have you put on weight which makes you depressed? There are lots of factors to consider and you should discuss it with your husband. If he’s a good man, he will understand and help you through it. If all else fails, try what Brimstone has suggested or read my blog/ short story “Naughty Girl“, I hope it helps.
Anonymous
Princessleah-Im sorry to say I beg to differ with your comment to how the (poster) feels about her hubby being overweight and you said she should love him as is. I would not be able to have sex with someone I am not attracted to on the outside since sex begins when you are turned on by a visual aspect. When you stay fit/trim if you were in the beginning of the relationship that means you care enough about yourself to keep healthy and look good. If you gain so much weight that you no longer attract your spouse perhaps he is the one with the depression/emotional problems just not caring enough because he TAKES HER FOR GRANTED. So he must lose the weight both for himself and the marriage.
Im thinking possibly polycystic ovaries? or fibroids? problems with the uterine lining?
all that may cause pain.... if you have pain it will signal your brain when you start thinking about sex...
I guess I don’t understand losing the attraction for your spouse because they gained weight. Maybe I’m a simpleton but I thought when you love someone their appearance was not the deal breaker. I do understand that if the spouse has completely let themselve go a discussion needs to happen. But it should be with that person and not a group of people.
If you want to gain the intimacy with your spouse than you have to trust him enough to handle your concerns and talk to him. I would go suggest taht you both work out together and make it fun. Making it fun could easily turn it into a moment where you want to rip each other’s clothes off.......
Vikki
You can do anything!
Come chat with us!
Chit Chat Club
What are you grateful for today?
GratitudeDairy
Independent Stylist
Vikki Hall- Stella & Dot Stylist
You‘re not off base here, Vikki. My own thought is maybe besides the weight, they’ve lost the intimacy connection that made sex fun and they need to reconnect?
Cathie... always remembering to smile like I’m up to something. LOL
Create lasting relationships
with other like minded women.
