Do you take it personally when your children don’t take the path you wanted for them? Do you feel you’ve failed as a parent when they constantly mess up or make bad decisions in their life?
To an extent I take it personal but at a certain point he makes his own choices.
Ang, I’m not a parent but my husband is going through this now. His daughter has been going against everything he wanted for her since she was 16 and she’s now 29. It’s heartbreaking. He’s hurting but he knows, and those of us who love him are reminding him all the time, it’s not his fault. She became a headstrong young woman, didn’t listen to any advice from the caring adults in her life, and she made her own path. I’ve been consistently giving her to God, doing my best to stay out of His way, and praying that she goes in the direction He has layed out for her.
Yes I do. My daughter would not go to high school last year so now she’s in a charter school where she is not making any friends and not being challenged. She has a nose ring, does not believe in God, and has pink/blonde hair. I still love her more than anything, but my heart breaks for what she is missing out on. I wonder what I should have done to make her feel more like she fits into mainstream society.
Cynthia, my heart aches for Joe and your granddaughter. I hope your stepdaughter can turn things around.
I think we all do at some point. They are a reflection of us and in our todays world we as parents are judged by what our kids do. The judgements never take into account that at a certain age NO matter what we have instilled in our kids the ultimate choice is theirs.Its sad for ur / im /we as a generation have become soooo obsessed with blame that the factor of having choices have been taken out of the equasion.As parents we can only hope we have done what we are suppose to but the outside forses that we have no control over and the fact they choose their actions are sometimes forgotten and we take it upon ourselfs to accept the blame.Not every parent can claim this but most of us that have done our job have no reason to feel badly when our kids make choices that are bad for them.But, I do. Even when I know its out of my hands. Its because 2 things for me 1 I want the world to know I raised good kids and 2nd iIwant all to see my kids as I do.We can only do what we can do and pray they were listening.Of course easier typed than done.
NO! I wanted my oldest daughter to persue her dreams of becoming a pediatrician, but she decided it would be too much schooling that she wasn’t up for so she opted to go to cosmotology school it upset me at first but I didn’t stand in her way and she is now one of the top in her field, she is doing ver ywell and has opened her own “PRETTY GIRLS STUDIO” in Southfield, Michigan she is so happy in what she is doing and I am so grateful I didn’t cause her any pain in making her own decisions which were the right ones for her. My baby girl is booming with her (3) businesses she went to Baker College for Business Management and is florishing in her Photography, Floral design and Sweet treats business‘es I am such the proud mom lol.
I didn’t choose paths for my kids, I talked to them about what they may choose themselves with a belief it is their life. I encouraged them to try many things to find what they’d be happy doing as a career they’d enjoy doing. I stressed the importance of education and the possibilities for them. That, I felt, was my job to do as their mother. I’m a Baby Boomer, itwas important then to be content in life and that contentment could lead to a nice bank account too. ;oD
Like Cathie and Neicy, I didn’t choose my kids’ paths, but I did try to give them all the tools they need to create great lives.
I do stay in the loop, however, even as a grandmother, and try to be there for them if they need anything.
Their own path is theirs to choose however if they went down a road of destruction & non-productivity, etc. Yes, I would take it personal. It would kill me.
http://groovyinclinations.com Funky art, lamps, stationery, photography
http://mindywilson.scentsy.us Star Scentsy Consultant Try Safe Scents!
Yeah Mindy, I am with you on this one. I gave them the best I could and if they chose destruction, I would take it very personally. However, none of them are really doing what I envisioned for them, but they are all doing well in their own ways. 3 have graduated college and are gainfully employed. My Marine is home now and trying to figure out what to do with his life. The 20 yr old is a college junior and playing college softball. And the 9 yr old is still at home with us. I can live with speeding tickets,MIPs, overdrawn checking accts, hangovers, dumb boy/girlfriends because that is all minor learning stuff. A baby out of wedlock,an abusive boy/girlfriend, drugs or occult/pagan stuff would make me crazy.
But catfan, my daughter outgrew her many piercings,tri-colored hair and atheism. She has a nice boyfriend who hates multiple piercings. She is reading her Bible now, She has bleaches her hair Marilyn Monroe blonde, but she is a hair stylist and a dang good one. I can hardly get in to get my hair done she is so busy. So your daughter will be ok in time, just be a strong mom and don’t compromise your values to accomodate her. She’ll come around in her own time. Give her 6-8 yrs to grow up. And this daughter hated highschool too, just encourage her to get educated and get out.
Very nicely put Kathryn!!
It depends on the path they choose.
Now if they go on to follow their own dreams in a positive direction, then I want that for them as well.
If the direction leads to the ‘negative side, I just hope I can help them find their way back...
My youngest son is 18 and in his first year of community college. I am happy he is there and it was touch and go with high school the last couple of years but he made it through and made the decision to enter the EMS/Paramedic program so he can become a firefighter. Now my oldest son just cant seem to get himself together. He won’t hold down a job or keep a place to live. I’m disappointed because I certainly tried to raise him to be self-sufficient. But lately I have been going back and thinking about what I may have done to contribute to him being so lazy and irresponsible. Did I coddle him too much...give him too much or not enough of something? I don’t know. I know it is too late and I can’t go back and change what I may have or have not done but I am definitely taking his irresponsible behavior very personal. This is not what I expected he’d be doing at 23.
Don’t feel bad, Ang..our son, God bless him, has had trials and tribulations for the past five years...he is also 23..as it stands, he has a full-time job (God knows I have been encouraging some sort of schooling), but for some reason he has in his head that he can’t get through school...he did have learning issues through out his life and it soured his feelings about education, but we love him immensely and just keep praying he will find his niche and from what I see, it seems a lot of 20-something kids are having goal issues, so maybe it is the generation...it may take many kids a long time...let’s say prayers for all of them.
It use to...but I finally come to realize that it only causes conflict...I have since learned to let go and let them learn on their own...We all know that life isn’t easy and we make mistakes...the thing is to learn from them...this is how you learn life’s lessons...by making mistakes and learning from them...God knows how many lesson’s I have had to learn...and still am...I find since I have let go...I am more closer to my girls...and that makes me happy.