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I seldom visit my dad’s grave, because I don’t feel he’s there, but everywhere.  Should I feel guilty?  I constantly think about him and miss him greatly, and feel he’s with me.  Am I not a good person for not visiting the cemetery more often?  What is your opinion on this?
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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Nov 13, 2010
    • The earthly body, the outside shell rots away.  The essence that make people who they are, the soul if you will, is not buried in the dirt at the cemetery.  I wouldn’t feel a bit guilty for not going there.  You are NOT a bad person and don’t let anyone tell you that you are.

      In twenty years, I’ve probably only visited my son’s grave maybe five times.  It doesn’t mean I don’t care, or don’t think of him.  It just means I know he’s not there.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 13, 2010
    • I seldom go to Andy’s grave either.  In the beginning I went every Sunday.  I feel closer to him when I am at home.  Like what you said, I feel he is with me all the time.  The grave to me seems to be for his friends so they can pay him respect. IMHO




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Nov 14, 2010
    • I’m not sure what you mean by seldom.  But don’t feel bad.  My late father-in-law was buried in a military cemetery in Gustine, CA and I doubt we’ll ever go there frown If the cemetery is in your hometown I think it would be nice to go once a year on Memorial Day, but entirely up to you and no need to feel bad if you don’t go.  Your dad knows you love him.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Kyah wrote Nov 14, 2010
    • My grandfather is in a military cemetery almost 3 hours away and since he was buried there, I haven’t visited not even when my grandmother was placed beside him. I have never visited my father’s grave, in fact, I’m not sure where he is. Don’t feel guilty, personally I see no purpose in visiting where bones lie, doesn’t bring them back or ease the grief we feel. Souls are around us constantly, bodies are just that, bodies.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Myrna Perez wrote Nov 14, 2010
    • That’s how I think, too.  When he first passed away, I was visiting everyday after work because I was so grief stricken until one of my co-workers told me to stop, as he is not there.    

      Since then, I realized he is with me.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Nov 14, 2010
    • Part of the reason I want to be cremated. I never want my kids to feel guilty about not visiting me.  

      heartheart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Blackfemale1953 wrote Nov 14, 2010
    • Honor the memory of your father in your own special way, and don’t feel guilty about not visiting the cemetary.  I think about my dad every day (he would be 85 this coming November—passed away at age 62), and I have never been to the military cemetary where he is buried, because his essence is with me, wherever I am.

      Peace and Blessings




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Hbrose wrote Nov 14, 2010
    • I don’t think you should feel guilty. Your love and memories of your father are within you.  You don’t need to go to a gravesite to visit him, he’s in your heart and you can talk and visit him any time. hearthappy




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Nov 14, 2010
    • BTW... no you should not feel guilty. heart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Myrna Perez wrote Nov 15, 2010
    • I really miss him during the holidays.  Life was so much happier when he was around.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Nov 15, 2010
    • Maverick, don’t feel guilty at all.  I’ve lost both parents and can count on one hand probably how many times I’ve been to visit their graves.  Like the others said....“their not there“.  I too miss my father so much and especially around the holidays as well.  heart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Nov 15, 2010
    • Well M I am equally bad then if not visiting the grave is the thing to do!  

      I think as long as you carry the memories with you then you are always honoring your loved oneheart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Myrna Perez wrote Nov 16, 2010
    • My dad used to say, “When I’m dead, please don’t place flowers at my grave, because I won’t be there and won’t be able to enjoy them“.




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      Vikki Hall wrote Nov 16, 2010
    • That was a very wise man!




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Kmarie wrote Nov 17, 2010
    • I do understand. I feel my family members with me all the time, every where I go. I do take the time to visit, not to reconnect but to give a momment where I focus solely on them and being in union with them. It grants me a feeling like I expereince while engaging in adoration. Just to take the time to focus on nothing else but them. It leaves me feeling rejuvenated and at peace. When I bring others with me, it is a time to share stories and memories of the past so that others may learn about them too




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cheekymonkey wrote Feb 1, 2011
    • No, no, no, you are not to feel guilty! Every person does this in their own special way. It is all about what the people left behind need to do for themselfs. My parents are past but I have the ashes. I visit them and all I  love that have past in my memories and heart and I tell stories of their lifes to keep them alive to my children that didnt get to know them as well before they went.
      Your dad is everywhere u are because he is in you and your heart. Share the memories will help when u miss him most. My dad past right before christmas while I was carring mellisa and my mom the day before easter when she was two. But she knows them and loves them for all the stories. She will be 15.
      You honor your dad in the way that makes you happiest. After alll he was your dad and thats what counts.
      Hugs
      Cris




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Sandysconnected wrote Feb 7, 2011
    • I think you are doing exactly the right thing for you. Don’t worry about the traditions of others, because just because it is the “norm” it doesn’t mean it is the only acceptable way to grieve. Visiting a grave is often a form of comfort for the visitor, and if you feel comforted in other ways, then you are doing just fine, in my opinion.




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