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I am getting married in 2 1/2 weeks.  It seems my fiancé’s children have decided (with or without support from their mother) that they do not want to attend our wedding, but instead attend their cousins on the same day.  How do I handle this with grace and understanding?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Andrea Kuhman wrote Aug 27, 2008
    • The children are 13, almost 11 and 8.  Their cousin is getting married the same day and they’ve decided (with help I am sure) that they will have more fun, know more people etc at the other wedding.  We knew we would have difficulties, but nothing like this.  He has told them how much it means to have them there.  I have too.  To no avail.  Very long story on how we got to this point.  The ex says she’s not going to make them do something they don’t want to do.  You’d think that she would think beyond herself, but no.  

      I don’t understand.  No matter how hard it was at the beginning of my divorce, we always supported the happiness of our exes and their relationship with the kids.  My ex and  his fiance are good friends of ours.  We never forgot we loved each other at one time.  Our kids are so grateful for that.

      I am just so sad for him and them.  They will come to regret this later - maybe.  She has told them he has a new family and that he prefers being with us anyway. So far from the truth! Way more to that than this forum could hold.  Sigh.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lorilyn wrote Sep 2, 2008
    • I’m sure you‘re already stressed enough with all the plans on top of your feelings being hurt by the kids’ decision.    

       Maybe you can have them over the day before to celebrate your special day. Maybe have a special family celebration with all the kids from both sides and have someone photograph it.

       Being kind in the face of seemingly selfish brattiness is difficult,but usually it is better than being angry.  

       Is the other wedding close enough to your’s that they could attend both?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Andrea Kuhman wrote Sep 2, 2008
    • No the weddings are states apart.  This past weekend I just let them know that I and my children were sad that they were not going to be there and they would be missed.  The day before they will be traveling with their mother to their cousin’s wedding.  Their dad talked to them separately.

      We’ve decided to have a family dinner the next time they come (two weeks later) and that we’ll save cake and share pictures.

      My granddaughter was the saddest.  My fiancé’s oldest was supposed to hold her hand during the ceremony and she cried and asked “but gramma, who’s doing to help me now“.  All 3 kids didn’t have an answer.  So I just said “don’t worry honey, your Auntie will help you and your best friend (my godson) can hold your hand.

      I made no other comments that weekend and just let it go.

      Some day maybe they will wish they were there.  Until then, I just will continue to lead by example and love them anyway I can. :)

      Thank you for your kind thoughts.  The day will hold much joy and happiness in of itself!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mom4boys wrote Sep 3, 2008
      • Wow thats hard I would think dad would want them there for the special moment I guess the mom is telling them not to go she is not your mom but he is there dad and you are going to be in there life no matter what*



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kendall Rosekilly wrote Sep 9, 2008
    • Been there and done that and its very difficult! Just try and ignore it and enjoy your very special day with your husband. They will grow up and be sorry.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Andrea Kuhman wrote Sep 10, 2008
    • Thank you Kendall.  I appreciate your thoughts.  Exactly what I am trying to do :)




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