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I am trying to save my marriage after the damage I’ve done, but the hardest problem I’m having is another woman that my husband is friends with.  He made friends with her during the worst time of our marriage and fell in love with her during this time, he says he is no longer in love with her now, but just friends.  He is the type who likes to take care of people and their problems.  As I’m sure you can guess he needs to give her up to repair us and he is going to the counceling to try but I know he is not fully there because of her.  Her latest stunt is that she sent him a text that read “I keep thinking about sucide what do I do“.  How do I handle this?  Forget the fact that we are working on getting back together, I don’t like what she is doing to him, trapping him. Any advice to get him to understand that he needs to let her be, that she will always use him this way?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Dec 24, 2010
    • First..let me say I’m very sorry you are having such problems.  Secondly....the only way to repair the damage is to put it all out on the table and be honest with one another.  There can be NO THIRD PERSON...in your marriage. That means..whatever relationship he had with her needs to be over. That means...no texting...no phone calls...NADA.  As long as he continues with it...your marriage will never survive.  

      My suggestion is counseling with a person that you both agree on and that you both feel comfortable with.  

      As far as this other girl and her suicide threats...let me just say that a person who keeps threatening to commit suicide more than likely is not really going to do it.  Those who...never threaten...they just do it.  And not being ugly, but you and your husband can’t own that problem nor should you feel guilty for not responding to her.  Suggest she get help and cut it off!! You are right...she is using him and using suicide to sway him over.  All I can say is CUT IT OFF.  And the meantime...spend time repairing your own marriage.  No one ever said being married was easy....it is definitely something you have to work at EVERY SINGLE DAY.  A lot more give than it is TAKE.  Believe me...I know and I’ve been married 26 1/2 years.  

      I wish you and your husband the best of luck and I hope a happy healthy marriage is in the future!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Plussize4you wrote Dec 24, 2010
    • Great advice Mary, I give you credit for trying to save your marriage but all tries must be broken or it want work.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Dec 24, 2010
    • Give him the hands down its either her or me, and if he chooses the other woman then you need to take your walking papers and walk away and begin your healing and your new life without him.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda L wrote Dec 24, 2010
    • Great advice Mary.  Good for you for trying to save the marriage.  Best of luck to you and your husband.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Dec 24, 2010
    • You and she may have to have a girl to girl talk. She needs to step aside and do the right thing.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 24, 2010
    • Perfect advice Mary!!  

      Tell him to block her phone!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Momofthreeprincess wrote Dec 26, 2010
    • Good for you for giving it another try.  I tried and failed and I can truly say that it was for the best.  I am happier and so is he.  I was in the same situation a few years ago.  Now with that said, you do need to lay it out on the table.  She is doing anything and everything to come between you and your husband.  There can not be “she is only a friend”  if she was she would step aside and walk away, but she isn’t and she will not unless your husband makes it clear to her that he can no longer be around for her.  If he wants things to work between the both of you then he needs to let her go.




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