Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.

+2
Love it

Q & A

I’m going through a divorce.  He is gambling addict, cheated on me and neglectful.  Most of this was very well hidden from the kids.  In their eyes, I just packed up and took them from their home.  I know it takes time but how do I help them cope and not feel so betrayed by me without revealing their dad’s shortcomings.  Regardless of it all, I believe they have the right to have their childhood protected including thinking their daddy is great.  Any experienced advice???
+2
Love it



See more Questions

Best Answer

I am curious what the
ages are.........I left my marriage after 30 years.my kids were in their 20“s.  one knew about the abuse he did and my oldest did not. So even at that age it was still difficult....because he never saw it or was home for it. I never told them to stop seeing their dad, etc. I told them their relationship should come with some boundaries if they feel thats necessary.   truth is the answer.


View All Answers

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Jan 17, 2011
    • I resented my mom for a while as she made my dad look pretty bad. In my case, my dad was not the monster she wanted me to believe. She was just hurt and upset.  

      I found all this out on my own. I’m lucky though as my dad is awesome.

      But, be careful if you tell them how you tell them. You do not want it to backfire on you. Most kids do figure it out on their own as he cannot hide his character for too long!!
      xx




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Jan 17, 2011
    • The truth always works.

      Don’t sugar coat it, but don’t make him look any better than he really is. When kids grow up they will make up their mind on who he really is. Just don’t give them a reason to tell you that you lied to them and it will all be okay.

      Hang in there. If he isn’t a good influence kids are better off at a distance.




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Chrissie67 wrote Jan 17, 2011
    • Tracy...my experience growing up was quite similar and my dad and i now have a good relationship too.  it is why i want so badly to be careful.  i think eventually we all figure out our parents are human and flawed but a certain amount of innocence should be maintained for them until they are ready.  Just tired of being the bad guy but hopefully it will get better soon!




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      VICKY CORYEA wrote Jan 17, 2011
    • I am curious what the
      ages are.........I left my marriage after 30 years.my kids were in their 20“s.  one knew about the abuse he did and my oldest did not. So even at that age it was still difficult....because he never saw it or was home for it. I never told them to stop seeing their dad, etc. I told them their relationship should come with some boundaries if they feel thats necessary.   truth is the answer.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda L wrote Jan 17, 2011
    • You are a good parent to not reveal to your children his true colors.  I confess that when my ex left us, I did bad mouth about him to my daughter because I was so hurt and angry.  Intellectually, I knew that was the wrong thing to do and a divorce care group helped me thru the painful process.  Fortunately, it didn’t affect my daughter because she saw what her dad was like and no matter what she accepts him and they have a good relationship.

      Take care.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jan 17, 2011
    • I wouldn’t go out of my way either way to make him look good or bad. I know that the kids will eventually see his true colors and they will decide on their own.

      In the meantime don’t make excuses for him. Tell them to ask their father the why’s!

      heart




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jan 17, 2011
    • I agree with everyone else who says that kids are smart enough to figure it out on their own eventually.  My kids used to think the sun rose and set on my ex. Now that they‘re older they realize he’s dumb as a post and that I had my reasons for leaving him.

      Tulip




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Chrissie67 wrote Jan 17, 2011
    • @vicky...15, 12, 9 (youngest 2 are girls).  I can say after reading responses i am quite confident i am doing right thing in taking high road.  Divorce is really an awful thing.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Jan 17, 2011
    • Even at 46 I remember my parent’s divorce vividly... it still affects me. I was 14.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Jan 18, 2011
    • If they grow up not knowing the truth, they may resent you when they find out.  You‘re in a tough situation.




            Report  Reply


Ask a Question






mature content submit as anonymous