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I am curious what the
ages are.........I left my marriage after 30 years.my kids were in their 20“s. one knew about the abuse he did and my oldest did not. So even at that age it was still difficult....because he never saw it or was home for it. I never told them to stop seeing their dad, etc. I told them their relationship should come with some boundaries if they feel thats necessary. truth is the answer.
I resented my mom for a while as she made my dad look pretty bad. In my case, my dad was not the monster she wanted me to believe. She was just hurt and upset.
I found all this out on my own. I’m lucky though as my dad is awesome.
But, be careful if you tell them how you tell them. You do not want it to backfire on you. Most kids do figure it out on their own as he cannot hide his character for too long!!
xx
The truth always works.
Don’t sugar coat it, but don’t make him look any better than he really is. When kids grow up they will make up their mind on who he really is. Just don’t give them a reason to tell you that you lied to them and it will all be okay.
Hang in there. If he isn’t a good influence kids are better off at a distance.
Tracy...my experience growing up was quite similar and my dad and i now have a good relationship too. it is why i want so badly to be careful. i think eventually we all figure out our parents are human and flawed but a certain amount of innocence should be maintained for them until they are ready. Just tired of being the bad guy but hopefully it will get better soon!
I am curious what the
ages are.........I left my marriage after 30 years.my kids were in their 20“s. one knew about the abuse he did and my oldest did not. So even at that age it was still difficult....because he never saw it or was home for it. I never told them to stop seeing their dad, etc. I told them their relationship should come with some boundaries if they feel thats necessary. truth is the answer.
You are a good parent to not reveal to your children his true colors. I confess that when my ex left us, I did bad mouth about him to my daughter because I was so hurt and angry. Intellectually, I knew that was the wrong thing to do and a divorce care group helped me thru the painful process. Fortunately, it didn’t affect my daughter because she saw what her dad was like and no matter what she accepts him and they have a good relationship.
Take care.
I wouldn’t go out of my way either way to make him look good or bad. I know that the kids will eventually see his true colors and they will decide on their own.
In the meantime don’t make excuses for him. Tell them to ask their father the why’s!
Vikki
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I agree with everyone else who says that kids are smart enough to figure it out on their own eventually. My kids used to think the sun rose and set on my ex. Now that they‘re older they realize he’s dumb as a post and that I had my reasons for leaving him.
Tulip
Most divorce coaches and attorneys try to discourage separated and divorcing spouses from making unfavorable comments about each other to their children. It is very damaging and later on when the kids get older, they will be able to put 2 + 2 together. My sister and her ex-husband divorced 8 years ago, and they are great co-parents to their 3 kids. Even though my sister was very angry with her ex-husband at the time, she did not run him down in front of the kids.
@vicky...15, 12, 9 (youngest 2 are girls). I can say after reading responses i am quite confident i am doing right thing in taking high road. Divorce is really an awful thing.
Even at 46 I remember my parent’s divorce vividly... it still affects me. I was 14.
If they grow up not knowing the truth, they may resent you when they find out. You‘re in a tough situation.
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