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anonymous Anonymous

Q & A

My husband was more kind to me
before he was deployed. After return back to the states he is very hard on me. How do I handle this? I do Love him,but it’s hard.

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Best Answer

I am a Navy wife and they have an ombudsman service - if your husband is in the Navy, contact their office for assistance.  They can help you and your family make an easier transition back to civilian life by helping you locate resources that would be helpful to you.

Outside of the Navy, I don’t know how they handle those situations but you could always try the Chaplain to start and see what information they can provide to you.

Don’t give up.


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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Jan 19, 2011
    • What he’s been through would affect him and how he sees life now. Maybe talking with him to understand the change in him will help? He could be feeling that your life has been too soft to understand what he’s been through and seen?  

      Hoping the best for you.

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Ela2011 wrote Jan 19, 2011
    • Maybe consider couples counseling to find out what is really bothering him and to improve your communications since you seem afraid to tell him how you feel.  The fact that he was deployed does not give him any rights to treat you poorly or to be harsh with you.  He may not realize he is even doing it! Don’t be afraid to talk to him on your own, but sometimes have someone there to support you both can make the discussion more productive. There must be something behind his actions that is causing him some pain/angst.

      You could also consider writing him a note if you feel that may be easier for you—I often can write what I am too uncomfortable to say and I can be more careful about how I say it.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jimmie wrote Jan 19, 2011
    • Hey I am also a military spouse and know what the military life is like.  Have you ever tried the armyonesource or the   equivalent if it isn’t all the same.  I have used them and they can help arrange counseling that is separate from our normal health stuff.  It really is a great resource.  Did he attend the briefings they are suppose to do when they come back home? Lots of things have changed since he left and maybe feels left out and/or saw how you were able to handle things without him..  It could be so many things and it would be good to have someone guide you to explore what is going on.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Jan 19, 2011
    • Thanks for the advice. We have tryed different things he is just not willing to give any chances at this time. This is why it so hard on me.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jimmie wrote Jan 19, 2011
    • Go by yourself for counseling.  He may change his mind later but it will still help you and you won’t feel alone or confused.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jimmie wrote Jan 19, 2011
    • I went to counseling by myself.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda Joyner wrote Jan 19, 2011
    • i have a girlfriend that is going through the same thing... her husband is in the airforce and she went to the chaplain went it got so bad a couple of yrs ago, and they got him into a program and counseling... he did very well for a long time and now she says he is starting to show his hostility again... and now it’s worse since they are cutting his military pay and she just lost her job as well... i think if you can get the help from the chaplain, then i would talk to them first and then if that does not help then i would look at other options like leaving if it gets too bad..




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheekymonkey wrote Jan 20, 2011
    • heart wishing you both the best. But do seek help for each of you. Ur not alone.
      Cant even imagine how difficult this is for you both.
      Your in my thoughts




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Hbrose wrote Jan 20, 2011
    • Does he have family (a mom, sister, brother) that can lend some support to the situation? Maybe have them spend a little time with him to see if they get the same reaction from him and then if they talk with him about it, he might be more willing to try to fix or improve things so its not so hard on or for you.  And I also agree, seeking guidance and support from the chaplain.  Good luck to you, don’t give up but do get some help, you don’t want to go through this alone.  God bless you and your husband.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Msj wrote Jan 22, 2011
    • sounds like PTSD  -  hope things get better for you soon




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