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Q & A

Is loving your husband and being in love with your high school sweetheart a terrible thing?




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Yes.  You can’t do both.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Well I don’t know your story, it’s kinda grey.  Are you saying your seeing your high school sweetheart at the same time?  IMO, I would say being in love with your high school sweetheart is living in the past.




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    • +3 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Can’t have your cake and eat it toheartbreak. Think about if the
      shoe was on the other foot. Leave the past in the pasttongue out




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Ela2011 wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • I think people make vows when they get married. Directing love and  attention to another man makes it certain that a spouse is not putting 100% into their marriage.  That’s unfair to both parties and makes it impossible for a marriage to work.  Honesty, loyalty and commitment.  It’s also about who you are inside and how you would want to be treated by others.

      Marriage takes work and so does staying in love.  Being “in love” with a high school sweetheart or anyone else might merely be a way to escape commitments and the reality of life.  

      I have mentioned this site before but look at survivinginfidelity.com and see how a spouse feels when their husband or wife falls “in love” with their high school sweetheart on Facebook or in some other way.  It happens every day. Families and lives are ruined this way.

      You can also read the regrets of the spouses trying to save their marriage once they realize the high school boyfriend was a mistake and they do not want to lose their marriage.  I have yet to see a happy ending for the spouse that left for “true love.” It’s all just a fantasy and it rarely works out.  

      Plus, there is the lost of respect of friends, family, children, etc.....  There is not a single happy ending where a new relationship is started before an old one ends.




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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Kandykahne 5 wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Yes, don’t live in the past unless this guy is presently in your life and why is he if you are married? Are you not happily married? You can’t have them both!




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Brimstone1968 wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Threading on dangerous ground here.  Let the past be the past and deal with what you have.  It could be very disaterous for everyone involved.  Let go and live in the now.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Still waiting to here if your involved with your high school bud.  Figured I’d ask since you weren’t anon so I didn’t feel I overstepped my boundaries.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angie Stephenson wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Hi Angelcart, my husband is great however he is very dogmatic and even though I love him, he just most of the times tell me it’s his way or the high way. My high school sweetheart is in the UK, we communicate via email and phone.
      We were supposed to be engaged in the 80’s however there was a misunderstanding, now I realize that I still love him..... it might sound terrible,however if you knew my husband, then you would probably understand. Thanks Angelcart!




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angie Stephenson wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Hi Ladies,

      Thanks for all your opinions! They are greatly appreciated and I understand every word and have taken note of all. However, I will just see where my heart leads. Thanks again Ladies you are the greatest here on Fab40! Love you all!heartheartheart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angie Stephenson wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Eva, I have worked on it and have been, don’t think there is a lot more that could be done.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angie Stephenson wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Hi Eva,

      Thank you. I will pray for Divine Guidance and that all will work out well. Have a great week.happy




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cheekymonkey wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Angie, Love can be a real rollercoster. but, I think you have answered your own question  y asking the question.
      What I got and im sirry if im wrong....is your truely not “in” love with your husband any longer...sad but it happens.
      So,along comes the past and you remember the love witch is easy due to the hurt u feel now...just decide if its the past u love or who he has turned out to be.
      You need to tell your husband...and if your past man knows your still marriedand living with husband what does that say about him?
      This could end very badly unless you make choices for you and decide what to do and who to do it with.
      Maybe time just by yourself will help.
      Best of luck
      Cris




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Hbrose wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • I understand how you must be feeling, this same thing happened with a close friend of mine years ago.  My best advice to you is to first sort out what you feel and what you want to do with your husband/marriage, let that be the priority, as far as deciding whether to make it work or not.  Once you truly know where your heart stands with the marriage, you’ll make it easier on yourself to know if you really are in love with your old hs sweetheart or the memory of it (sometimes the two can cross over and become confusing).  Good luck, its a tough predicament to be in.  But try to sort out one thing at a time, for you own sanity.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angie Stephenson wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Hi Vera, yes it is a tempting thing. We have so much in common amid those things we have in common is our moms being great friends!
      Anyhow, still praying for Guidance. Thank for your input Vera and God bless you. happyheart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angie Stephenson wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Hi Cris, wow that is another good point. This is a bit complicated and can’t be explained here, it would take a long time! I see what you are saying and thank you Cris. Some real food for thought that one. God bless you.heart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angie Stephenson wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Hi hbrose, it is such a predicament! I wouldn’t want my enemy to have this to ponder;it sure gets heavy and if left to chance will steal my joy and sanity; therefore I will place it in the Hands of One Who is bigger than the predicament itself and ask for Guidance! Thank you hbrose and God bless you richly!heart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Jan 31, 2011
    • Angie,
      I am divorced so don’t have a husband to worry about, but my old college boyfriend looked me up on Facebook last year. He is married, but not happy, but would never leave his wife due to his religious beliefs and having handicapped children.  For a few months I felt really tortured heartbreak- that I should have married Mike who has a great job and is very loyal, etc. All that old love i had for him came rushing back. He wrote me a letter talking all about his life and what I had meant to him (nicest letter I’ve ever gotten)and I responded in kind.  Then we exchanged a couple of e-mails and haven’t “talked” in 3 months.  I got to thinking about why we broke up. And I wouldn’t have my daughter if I hadn’t taken the path that I did.  My heart has healed, but it was painful.

      I wonder if the appeal of the ex might be as a kind of an escape or as a rescuer from some of the unhappy aspects of your current life. This is very natural.  I know that you are religious too.  If your ex is married, I would say that it would be unfair to his wife (as well as the guy who is still your husband)for you to allow the relationship to grow.  If not, then I agree with Rose. Decide whether or not you have a marriage that is worth saving irregardless of whether or not you care for someone else.  It might be a good idea to put your ex on the back burner while you get it all sorted out.  Good luck my dear.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angie Stephenson wrote Feb 1, 2011
    • Thank you catfan. I appreciate it. Many blessings to you.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 1, 2011
    • I understand about your husband ... the X always told me also, “it’s my way or the highway” and I felt bullied by him, I always felt, I either stand up to him or be plowed down by him. But still, I wonder if you‘re placing more emotions on what used to be because of how your husband is? I’d take the ex hs boyfriend out of the mix until I figured out if I wanted to be married to my husband or leave him first.  

      Cathie




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angie Stephenson wrote Feb 1, 2011
    • Hi Cathie, still praying for Guidance. It is one that is so confusing, yet in my heart I do believe that I love my High School sweetheart and the feeling is very mutual. Still am praying and hopefully Guidance will come soon. God bless you Cathie. Have a great day!heart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Feb 1, 2011
    • Angie, thanks for explaining.  Wow, you do have some tough decisions.  Best of luck to you.heart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 1, 2011
    • Hi Angie, I just want to add that as it happened, it was the X who left me after all those years of bullying me. LOL, how’s that for a twist?  

      Wishing you all the best.  

      Cathie




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angie Stephenson wrote Feb 1, 2011
    • Wow, you‘re better off Cathie and deserved better anyway!  Love you. God bless you dear friend. happyheart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angie Stephenson wrote Feb 2, 2011
    • Hi Annie,

      It does help. Thank you! Have a great day Annie.heart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Feb 17, 2011
    • I have never personally been in your situation, but it sounds difficult for you..hope things will work out in a positive way.




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