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Do you believe in the institute of marriage or do you think it has outworn its meaning?

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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 2, 2011
    • Hmmmmm...... Interesting question!

      I think the word institution has me stuck!

      I love being married to my hubz but I don’t necessarily believe marriage is what keeps a couple together.  

      So I will think in terms of my daughters......

      if they came home to tell me they were getting married I would question them on why. Then I would have to question them on how they plan to make it work. And then I would go further by asking about finances, religion, kids, etc. The important stuff that is not the fairy tale part.

      I would challenge them to the fullest but ultimately support them.




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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Maridm wrote Feb 2, 2011
    • If you do not see the necessity from a religious point of
      view then there is the simple need of security. Whatever is
      the quality of any other type of relationship that you may
      choose ,good or bad,chances are it would be the same in
      marriage.Then I am thinking should the need to end the marriage arise the task would be accomplished much
      easier with the help of the guidelines provided by the law.
      So often unmarried couples move to the court for guidance
      pertaining to money and valuables.I am not sure that the
      court provides that in the manner that they seek it, and
      often someone is left feeling cheated .




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Feb 2, 2011
    • I agree with what everyone else has said.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 2, 2011
    • Annie, you have some good points though I believe it’s love that keeps a couple together more often than a religious or legal binding does. The ceremony is a declaration and the promise to love with honesty. Some can keep that promise and some can’t.  

      Hi Maridm, and welcome to Fab 40 and over! Divorce is not easy even in the states of good community property laws when we have invested so much of our lives and years into a marriage. It’s an ending, but it doesn’t erase us as a person, just our commitment to the man and a ending of responsibility for his dog, his laundry, his business, making nice to people for his benefit.

      Cathie




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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Feb 2, 2011
    • My view as a Christian is that it’s sacred bond between a man and a woman...yes...I said man and woman.  It is a commitment to each other and a commitment to God to become a family and to serve Him.  But at the same time you can make that commitment without technically being married or making it “legal“.  I think when you take the steps of making it legal you are in sense saying “I’m making a strong and serious commitment to you.”  

      But I will say that when you have elderly people who have lost spouses and they remarry late in life it then becomes majorly involved with legal matters and when there is adult children on both sides.  I would almost prefer or suggest that elderly people (like over the age of 65) not remarry.  Changing names, dealing with social security, pensions, stocks, etc....then setting up beneficiaries when both have adult children..etc...can become a grand mess.  Not marrying actually simplifies those issues.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Kmarie wrote Feb 2, 2011
    • While I am not married I do believe in it, not as an institution in the strict sense of the word, but as an expression of a commiment made before God and others, not to be lightly entered into but to conscious joined into. It is not perfect, many end in failure and that is okay to but it is an commiment to make the best effort that one can make, a commiment to be honored and treasured yet not abused or taken advantage of




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 2, 2011
    • Sadly tho when a marriage falls apart and is legally disolved the marriage itself does not guarantee your security in anything. Many of the women on here have stories of being cheated out of something or how their life has been altered. So I just don’t think marriage guarantees security.

      I’m not saying that I don’t believe in marriage I just dont think that legality is what truly hold s it together.

      Now spiritually is another matter..... but usually if your spiritual beliefs are aligned then there should be no worries of security.

      But again institute has me stuck! I want the fairy tale!!!!!




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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 2, 2011
    • Great question Annie! I do believe in the(union)of marriage because God created it and instituted it with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. I feel marriage is a sacred agreement that two people really need to consider all the options before making the commitment, because marriage isn’t for everyone and some I feel get married for all of the wrong reasons. Just as hard as it took the two individuals to get to know one another in the courtship, it takes that and more to keep the marriage on an even level. The journey and the work doesn’t STOP once you say the vows and the honeymoon is over only then does the work of the marriage begins, your marriage is part of ministry and its up to the three to make it work its a three way street and not a one/two way one, it took the three to get into it and its going to take the same three to make it work, God 1st and then the couple.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Feb 2, 2011
    • @ Vikki I agree 100% that marriage does not guarantee security.  

      As others have stated, marriage is not for everyone but, if a man isn’t willing to marry me then I see no reason to stay with him.  That’s just my opinion.  My sister has been with her “husband” of 30+ years, has 3 grown boy’s and their relationship is terrible.  Like Vikki said, married or not.....no guarantees.  Oops, mean’t to mention that my sis and her “hubs” have never walked down the isle and said “I Do“.  She said it hurts her deeply that he won’t make that committment.  But you have 3 kids together......worried




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Feb 2, 2011
    • ANNIE:  That is exactly what I’m saying...LOL.IF...YOU HAVE GROWN CHILDREN...AND grandchildren.  I still believe marrying someone verses living with them is the way to go Christian wise but...the legalities of our screwed up government make it so hard for older couples to marry when there is pensions involved, social security-for whatever that is worth, and retirement accounts...and then dealing with children.  It can be a grand mess.....




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cheekymonkey wrote Feb 3, 2011
    • I find some of thiss very sad even though its true with our world is going. What I find sad is that the “d” word is used as much as marriage is said.
      Dont get me wrong im on my 2nd marriage. I sometimes wonder if it was harder to end a marriage some might work harder to save it. But thats a whole other topic.
      I believe marriage is the utmost gift two people who are in love and committed to each other can give.It tells the world im shareing all that I am and together we are whole.Ive been married twice and Mark and I did live together when we stood infront of the world as man and wife was a pride that is still there.
      marriage to me completes the circle with the right person.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Feb 3, 2011
    • I agree Mamapan!!




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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 3, 2011
    • I can’t agree, Mamapan. I’m sorry, but my belief is no matter what our parents do we have choices of our own decided by our adult self. If our parents had a crappy marriage we could raise our bar and decide to carefully consider what makes marriage good because we will see plenty of examples of it from other people as children, teens and young adults.
      Setting our bar in marriage is not different from having life goals.  

      Cathie




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Maridm wrote Feb 3, 2011
    • Hello Carnelian thanks for your greeting .

      I do not feel that marriage has outworn its meaning, but maybe there are parts of the whole that should be scrutinized.

      If persons complain of being cheated after divorce, then that is the failing of the legal system , not marriage. Maybe that support system has “outworn its meaning”  I
      speak of security to highlight a difference that exist between the two types of unions. Apart from this
      difference the work to make the relationship succeed is
      the same.    

      If we have very unrealistic types of expectations especially in the world we live in, then maybe not many would be able to reach that ceiling. I have lived in a culture where marriage is a firm legal contract clearly written like any other legal document, it covers all areas of financial matters, this is signed before the wedding,
      and the other aspect of the relationship is worked out by the couple . I have never had reason to research their divorce rate, it should be interesting.

      I grew up in a culture where everyone  got married  only
      by a religious ceremony (in the eyes of God) no legal aspect existed paper work nor else,and those generations lived well together, bore children and raised well adjusted good citizens,and seperation was rare,very rare. But if you speak with persons of those generations about marriage their language is less dreamy,unrealistic and unreasonable.
      They speak more of things that fall within normal limits.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 4, 2011
    • Morning Mamapan,

      I didn’t agree with your saying your parents marriage didn’t set the bar very high for you and your siblings. In my view, it is us as individuals that sets the height of our bar for our accomplishments and goals. Just because some marriages change and don’t survive, my belief is we have choices beyond what we’ve seen of those made by others.  

      And no, I’m not saying having life goals means we should dump our marriage. I think our marriage should be our priority and our goals hopefully align with our partners and still give us room to enjoy being our own self.  

      Cathie




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 4, 2011
    • Hiya Mamapan,  

      As a kid I found out everything that I didn’t want in my marriage when it came time, from my parents. Of course I didn’t know it all when I married the first time, and I couldn’t see into the future that my now almost X would have a mid life crisis.  

      I love how your hubby would remind you, “We are not your parents.“. It’s exactly what I didn’t want to be and still don’t want to be. ;oD  And now you do have some good tools to base decisions on.  

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Feb 17, 2011
    • Divorce is prevalent on my side of the family, but I do not let that get the better of me...when hub and I entered into marriage going on 26 years now, we both agreed that no matter how tough things got, divorce would never be an issue.  Things have been tough from time to time, but we somehow have managed to evolve and accept each others’ weaknesses and shortcomings and to help each other gain knowledge about likes, dislikes, the need for independence when needed and mutual respect...we were truly meant to be!




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