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Here we go-my husband and I have been married for 16+ years. His mother and father used to live 2 1/2 hours away but in the past couple of years moved back to town about 2 miles from us. They have never supported him (or the other siblings) in any decision he makes,questioning him for anything him does, telling him that they wouldn’t do that if they were him, things like that. They have even gone so far as to tell me that they raised him to be much more liberal (we have more conservative beliefs) and that I CHANGED HIM. Yep-it came out of their mouths. Even more lately there has been less and less “support“. Even to the point if I have ever called them to ask them to watch their grandchild, they say no. If he calls, they say yes. They even have said some pretty harsh things to our daughter that were uncalled for and crazy. My question is-I sit by, because I am daughter in law-and bite my tongue. What is a good way to handle them so I don’t need a lifetime supply of valium and a good therapist?




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Brimstone1968 wrote Feb 4, 2011
    • I feel your pain.  Your husband really need to have another conversation with them and if that conversation things does not improve he should write a letter.  Writing a letter the immediate combativeness is not there.  Believe it or not some parents are like dealing with lions they pounce on you for just about any and everything.  Sending them cards, bouquets etc. is a way to show that hey you all are still acknowledging them but just need to step back from them for a while.  It is a sticky place to be but you have to protect your feelings and your daughter’s feelings as well.  Emotional scares are just as bad as some physcial scares.  Continue to support your husband, be the sweet person you are and continue to raise your little girl to be strong.  They have lived their lives it is time you live yours in peace.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Feb 4, 2011
    • WOW! the n-law days. I use to bite my tongue alot back in the days when my mother-n-law use to act like I wasn’t part of the family or I wasn’t good enough for her youngest son. But then again I don’t think anyone would have been good enough for him in her eyes. Her and I went together like oil and water. Didn’t happen!frown My hubby really didn’t help me out nor stick up for me cause I think he was afraid to confront his mom. But I started sticking up for myself and I quit biting my tongue and then when she passed away I was actually very sad. I just think we could have gotton thru this and she would have started to like me more. His dad is the total opposite, the nicest sweetest man.

      Anyway, I’m sorry your going thru this and I hope your husband can have a heart to heart chat with them. I think it’s wrong for them to treat your kids the way they do. If they have a problem with you or your hubby, leave the kids out of it.

      I also agree with Annie and Eddy




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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Feb 4, 2011
    • And by the way, I don’t think you changed him, I just think couples work together and each day they grow into one. You learn new things about him and he learns new things about you. You two put all your beliefs together and work with what you got. My father-n-law always said that I did good with his son. He said I was good for him and he thanked mehappy I just told him, It wasn’t me, you brought him up I just added a little to it...lolheart

      Good luck with your n-laws.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Feb 4, 2011
    • What’s wrong with valium and a good therapist!




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Feb 4, 2011
    • I think that if their grandchildren don’t melt their stony little self-righteous hearts, then it is pretty much hopeless.  I’d not want my children alone with them not knowing what cruel things they might say so don’t ask them to babysit. Just do the obligatory visits for Mother’s day, Father’s day, Christmas and birthdays.  Try not to think about them too much and try not to talk badly about them in front of the kids.  Sorry you‘re in this situation- it’s not something you did, but, rather, the way that they are.frown




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cheekymonkey wrote Feb 4, 2011
    • My two cents: first Im really sorry you are put in this spot. Its mean of them and they know it.
      I had this with first marriage but he was a beep beep beep
      So, here goes...when it comes to you and your hubby let him deal with them. Be careful not to let them effect your marriage. On small stuff take the high rode but on things that are to much firmly put your foot down. Be the adult and explain yourself as such. Never forget a bday or special day without a card SENT to them. Never ask for anything and expect nothing. Invite them to lunch or dinner once a month but make sure your little one has a play date ect...thats why a lunch is beter with plans to be elsewhere later.
      As far as your daughter goes step in and firmly let them know what is tolorated by you and whatt will not be if they want any relationship with her.
      She will not get over mean and nasty grandparents.

      Soon they will get the hint and if not then you stick to what is right for your family. Pretending they live further awway is great idea.
      And if your hubby ignores it to them it is exceptable behavior.
      Its a hard spot for you both but now its time to decide what is best for your marriage and your daughter.
      Hugs and best of luck




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 5, 2011
    • If it was me and my kids............ NO WAY would I stand by and wait for my hubz to say anything. MY kids require MY protection from anyone out there not doing things in their best interest. Noooo way I could stand idly by......... no way!!!!!

      As for the rest if your hubz wont take a stand for himself then I would just let it go. But if it was ever directed at myself i wouldn’t zip it. That would just cause feelinfs that I would direct at my hubz and thats not goodfrown




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 5, 2011
    • I agree with Anne and Vikki on not trusting them with your child. I’d distance myself from them and let the hubz spend time with them if he wanted to or they needed his help with something. Myself... I’d be busy or tell them I wasn’t able to have company right now. Of course I’d expect them to have something to say about keeping my distance, but long as I had my distance I wouldn’t care. They aren’t nice to me, I don’t want them around me. You can’t make this decision for your husband to not have contact with them though, it’s got to be his choice. Your child, you do make the choice.  

      Seriously, Karen. It’s none of their business if you and their son have decided to be more conservative than what they think is liberal. If they were actually liberals, they’d be less confrontational, more tolerant.  

      Wishing you all the best!  

      Cathie




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      VICKY CORYEA wrote Feb 5, 2011
    • hahahah..yes I am feeling evil tonite!!!

      too bad the in laws dont realize who will be choosing the nursing home forthem!

      personally........I am voting for the valium !




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Carine Nadel wrote Feb 6, 2011
    • I feel for you-b/c I have MIL 4 miles from my door. DH tells her sternly about her latest “error in judgement” and then back paddles b/c he feels guilty about telling her off.

      He feels guilty b/c NO ONE wants anything to do w/ her and he’s had this problem dumped on him.

      we’ve all told him it’s time SIL stepped up to the plate and took over, but he doesn’t want to tell her that either.  after all, she moved to the other half of the state for the sole purpose of getting away from this witch.
      as for the nursing home-she HAS NO MONEY and we‘re sure not selling our home or taking her in here.

      but, it’s his mother and he has to handle her.  I only step in when her narcissistic, nasty mouth is turned on my now adult children.

      then I tell her so serenely to go f-herself, that it takes her a while to realize what I just said.




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