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how do you know when enough is really enough and you‘re not just “quitting” or “giving up“??  Seriously contemplating ending my marraige tho’ it is the LAST thing I want to do or ever dreamed I’d be thinking about........anyone with wisom on how to “get through” an affair?  I feel like I am the only one trying to work on it....Help.  Oh——and thank you everyone: for letting me vent and those who respond.  I greatly appreciate any and all advice.  will be on here in a bit to check things out but have to get off of here for now....thanks again!! And GOD BLESS!!

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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Feb 23, 2011
    • You sort of answered your own question....

      "tho' it is the LAST thing I want to do "
      If it’s not something you want to do, then chances are it’s not something you‘re ready to do.   Just my 2 cents worth.  

      You mention getting thru an affair but you don’t say whose.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Feb 23, 2011
    • I double what Tulip has to say ......




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 23, 2011
    • Hello and Welcome to Fab 40 & Over.

      While I’m not the one that wanted the divorce or had an affair, I knew soon into the divorce  that I’d had enough and there was no turning it around. It wasn’t that I couldn’t forgive the X, it was that I saw our marriage for what it was and I didn’t believe he loved me. I’d rather be divorced than living out a lie.... but that’s just me and I can’t tell you what will feel right for you.  

      Wishing you all the best,
      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Feb 24, 2011
    • Well, when my good friend, Jan, was considering ending her marriage, she got two pieces of paper.  She put the pluses to staying married on one piece of paper and the minuses on the other.  There were only 2 things on the plus side- she got out 15 years ago and hasn’t regretted a day of it since.  As Ann Landers used to say “Would you be better off or worse off staying with this person?”

      On the flip side, my friend, Helen, thought her marriage was hopeless, but agreed to counseling so she could say she tried. She and her husband realized they still loved each other, worked things out, and have been happy the past 3 years and counting!

      I am wishing you the best of luck!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 27, 2011
    • Sounds like a good book, Anonymous. Some men may read it, but some won’t think it of any help and will refuse to. But this in itself is good, because then a woman will know if it is worth staying or leaving.  

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      A4_2nate_angel wrote Feb 27, 2011
    • thank u everyone for the insight - really appreciated!  Anon: when it was at its best it was teriffic.....what is making this so difficult is that from the beginning, we both thought we’d been brought together by God.  If this turns out that we are no longer together (in the end), then that means I must accept that perhaps we were not.frownheartbreak Because of my strong belief in that, I think is why I have not left, and also why I continue on. To anwer another’s question....It was he who’d had the affair.
      The book- “After The Affair“, was also recommended to us both and though he’d said he was interested in reading it, I haven’t seen him even get the book yet . (and we were told of it 2 1/2 months ago).  One of my biggest struggles right now, is the longer this goes on (reconciliation) without seeing him take ANY prioritative, self-initiating action, the more and more impatient I am becoming.  In a sense I feel almost like he is trying to get me to hate him?!? His lack of action toward recovery, along with a seemingly dismissive attitude of the whole thing—breaks my heart even more.heartbreak  I don’t know what more I can do.  I also don’t want to give up if I’m not supposed to yet.............all you praying gals- I would MUCH appreciate your keeping me in your prayers.....for whatever the outcome God has in store, and for my own strength, sanity, and discernment.  Thank you so, so much.heart




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 28, 2011
    • How interesting that you believe God has arranged your marriage for you two. My brother and I were talking about our perceptions of God last night. And I don’t think your hubbs is trying to make you hate him, he’s just being lazy or doing exactly all he wants to do while perhaps leaving all the work up to you?  

      Wishing you the best.

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Feb 28, 2011
    • heart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheekymonkey wrote Feb 28, 2011
    • estatic first I’d like to say welcome to fab! I’m alittle behind due to health but here’s my two cents.
      As far as getting OVER an affair... That will never happen BUT you can move past it if you both work on it. The day you found out about the affair changed you forever , changed your views on him and your marriage. My first marriage my husband had affairs. If he was worth it I would have probably wanted marriage counciling. Which I believe is the only way someone moves past it. I also know that if my present husband had an affair he’d be gone because I can’t do that again.
      Maybe ask your hubby how he would like to work on your marriage because you need his help to get it right.
      I am sorry you are going thru this and we are here to listen anytime
      Cristen




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