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Q & A

On my way home today I found out that my sister-inlaw my brother’s wife has been put away in a nursing home because she has allowed herself to get mentally sick. I want to ask if you had to deal with this which would you rather deal with from the two choices, mental illness or Cancer.  I know we all would say neither but if you were faced with these options which do you feel you could handle better?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheekymonkey wrote Feb 24, 2011
    • Niecy may I ask how someone let’s themselves get mentally I’ll? I’m not understanding that?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Momofthreeprincess wrote Feb 24, 2011
    • I have to agree with Cheeky.  You don’t allow yourself to get mentally ill.  It happens.  Some people are able to handle bouts of depression better than others.  As far as the question I would not want to choose any of those choices.  Life if efing hard enough with choosing one or the other.




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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Feb 24, 2011
    • Trust me no one allows mental illness or a chronic illness.

      I have my MS and clinical depression. I did not allow either in to my life. My MS may land me in a home one day and trust mentally sometimes I wonder how I hold it together.

      There are chemical imbalances in all of us. Some happen to be worse than others. Mental illness can happen at birth or as you age.

      Alzheimer’s is a ‘mental’ illness. I can tell you my Nana and my grt aunts did not allow it in.  

      My issues were ‘given’ or ‘chosen’ for me. I allowed none of it. I cannot even say given or chosen... some  people are pre-disposed for illness whether it be mental or physical.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Feb 24, 2011
    • I agree, a person doesnt allow mental illness into their life, it just happens to some people.  

      I choose neither.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Feb 24, 2011
    • They‘re both hideous.  There’s a lot more stigma against mental illness, but it usually (sorry China Dollheartbreak) doesn’t kill you. And,unfortunately, one does not preclude the other.

      I’m wondering if the person Neicy is referring to went off her meds?  But why would the solution be a nursing home rather than a psychiatrist?  It is confusing to me!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kandykahne 5 wrote Feb 24, 2011
    • Sorry to hear this Neicy and I question as well why is she in a nursing home and I agree you don’t let yourself get mentally ill. I would choose neither of them.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 25, 2011
    • Hello ladies, thanks for your responses it is more complicated than you know, but my sister inlaw had been with my brother since high school she lost her mom when she was young to cancer and her father was an alcoholic so she made my brother her world well they have been married over 35 yrs. but there has been a lot of things going on in the marriage that we the family was not aware of. Well after she found out he was having affairs on her and planned to leave her she went mentally crazy,

       she made him her god I guess you could say, she depended on him for everything even though she has a R.N Nursing degree she didn’t like nursing she told me before she lost it and she tried her hand at working with young pregnant teen mothers and that didn’t pan out for her they began to lose assets and investments, the marriage was failing partly because he has cheated on her off and on through out the marriage, she was afraid to step out on her own, she was a clingy wife and when he left her for another woman she lost her mind, my sorry brother left her in the hands of herself for almost a year in their home with nothing, no money hardly, not helping pay the bills or checking up on her she lived in one room of a very fabulous home in the suburbs of Southfield, Michigan she barricaded herself in her room for months not eating, sleeping bathing nothing just dwindling away because of a man. Well after the home went into foreclosure she really lost it and began to hear voices and seeing things that were‘nt there,

       crying all the time. After she had to get out of the home my brother put her in the hands of their oldest son who had only just gotten married himself he and his young wife had to take on the responsibility of my brothers duty while he laid up with another woman and her kids he totally turned his back on his wife and sons. Well here just the other day I found my nephew who is only 25 himself and married and they are expecting their 1st child next month put his mother in a nursing home for her mental illness.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Diane17 wrote Feb 25, 2011
    • Wow, that is really terrible Denise.  I’m really sorry to hear this.

      As someone who has suffered from severe depression before, I personally think it’s important to seek some type of professional help for this situation before it gets worse.  I don’t know how long it would have taken me to get better had I not sought counseling and medication.  It took a while to get better even with both of those combined!!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheekymonkey wrote Feb 25, 2011
    • Niecy, what a horrible situation. But your sister in law belongs in a mental hospital not a nursing home. A nursing home isn’t equipped to handle this. I’m surprised they took her.
      I hope she gets the help she needs and finds her way back.
      Cristenheart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Feb 25, 2011
    • I hope she can heal...

      The depression she must have felt due to the affairs and cheating can cause anyone to go a little ‘mental‘. She has always had some mental issues to go that far as to make him like a God to her though.

      Depression can change people, it’s not that she allowed it. Sounds like she had issues way before this.

      I hope she can find peace and move on.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • @Cris & Diane, they tried looking for a mental hospital here in Michigan there is none from what i hear so they opt for the nursing home. yes I too pray she gets bettershe doesn’t deservethis and my brother is goingto have hell to pay for what he has done, and he has the nerveto be with anotherwoman who is sicker than his wife his woman has Cancer and he is by her side and to think he left his wifefor another sick a** woman but God will deal with him accordingly.
      @MzT, I don’t know what her family medical history is but it may have some history of depression and mental illness.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • How sad the situation is, Neicy. It sounds like your brother wasn’t in love with his wife anymore for quite some time and she never gave up on their marriage. People sometimes “lose their minds” when their heart is broken and lack of nutrition can cause physical illness that affects how the brain works. I hope the nursing home can help her, but for sure the staff will make sure she gets the meds she needs.  

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Momofthreeprincess wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • I have to agree that she needs to be in a mental health hospital.  its sound like more than just simple depression.  If she is not diagnosed correctly then things can be real bad.  Unfortunately people view mental health like the white elephant in the room.  Everyone sees it and no will do anything about it till its to late.  Make sure that your sister in law is talking to a counselor that can help her.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • But what about if the onset of her decline was emotional reaction to losing everything she thought she’d have the rest of her life, and then stopped eating and taking care of herself that led to it affecting her mentally? Proper nutrition would go a long way to help her and I am not thinking the possibility of mental illness being an embarrassing white elephant that it shouldn’t be considered.  

      Cathie




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • Well ladies, to be honest her whole entire family has turned their backs on her brother/sister father, and others. her sons don’t care just like their dad doesn’t and we the inlaws our hands are tied. But when I go see her tomorrow I will inquire to see if she is talking with a psycologist.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 26, 2011
    • She allowed herself to get mentally sick? Was it under control then she stopped taking medicine for it? Or?

      To answer the question, I’d think cancer would be worse b/c it kills more often and in more heinous ways than mental illness, but then again, mental illness results can be pretty horrendous too if untreatd. I have no idea how to answer that question so I shall leave it with, I dont know, and hope Ill never have to find out.

      Best of luck to you!




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