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Q & A

It’s cold and it’s gloomy and I think most will agree that we need some kind of comic relief. What’s the best joke you ever heard? Tell us

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • Good idea.  I need some jokes while I am drinking my a.m. coffee.  I also have a box of tissue next to me, just in case I choke and split on the computer screen.  I am ready, come on ladies.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • This is funny, I don’t care who you are!

       LOL

      estatic*Lcm*
      heartheartheartheart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • I almost choked on my coffee.  Luckily I was prepared.  that’s funny.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • A confused caller was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said that it ‘‘could not find the printer.‘’ The user had even tried turning the computer screen to face the printer—but his computer still could not ‘see’ the printer.

      estatic*Lcm*
      heartheartheartheart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • IF A FAT GUY GRABS YOU AND PUTS YOU IN A BAG,
      DON‘T WORRY I TOLD SANTA I WANTED A GOOD FRIEND FOR CHRISTMAS!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • UNBELIEVABLE MATH PROBLEM

      Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you.
      Personally I would like to know who came up with this and why that person is not running the country.
      Grab a calculator. (you won’t be able to do this one in your Head)  

      1. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the Area code...)
      2. Multiply by 80
      3. Add 1
      4. Multiply by 250
      5. Add to this the last 4 digits of your phone number
      6. Add to this the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
      7. Subtract 250
      8. Divide number by 2

                   Do you recognize the answer ??




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • alright ladies, where’s the jokes? I need to laugh! LOL

      estatic*Lcm*
      heartheartheartheart




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Liatref wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • If there’s interest, I can explain how the telephone number trick works ;)
      Lia




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leadinladytracy wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • Vikki - who developed that math trick? It was neat.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • True story....

      I was working at Pillsbury and I was checking out one of the huge wall vacuums and a friend came in. We were acting silly with the vacuum, as if it were sucking us in. We hadn’t realized it but the 1st shift people were lining up at the time clock and watching us. The vacuum slipped and suctioned onto one of my breast. I had a hard time pulling it off. Needless to say.. there were about 75 people in line laughing hysterically.  ( For the coming weeks I made sure I avoided the time clock of people, due to my embarrassment! )
      I hope this gives you all a chuckle!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • A Really Bad Day
      There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

      Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

      “No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

      “I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • Blonde paint job
      A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

      “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
      The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
      The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

      A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
      “You‘re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • Girls night out
      Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn’t want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

      The next day the first woman’s husband phones the other husband and said, “These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties.” “That’s nothing,” said the other. “Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, ‘From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!’




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • You Must Be A Redneck If  

      • You recycle your own toilet paper
      • Your mom has to shave more times a month than your dad
      • You see a bill board that says “Don’t do crack” and it reminds you to pull up your pants.
      • You stare at a carton of orange juice because it says “concentrate.”
      • Your bumper sticker reads: “One more Whore and We Get Gore.”
      • The nativity scene you set up in your yard at Christmas includes two pink flamingos and baby Jesus lying in a painted tire.
      • Most of your teeth are on a chain around your neck.
      • You hunt from your bedroom window.
      • Your dad walks you to school because you‘re in the same grade.
      • You refrigerate your food stamps.
      • You use a 10 penny nail to pick your teeth after a night of road kill.
      • You have ever dressed your child as a “Snot-rag” for Halloween.
      • Your idea of a loaded dishwasher is getting your wife drunk.
      • You and your spouse get divorced and you are still relatives.
      • You go to your local ice cream store and order Copenhagen “sprinkles” on your cone.
      • You know instinctively that red wine goes with opossum.
      • You‘re always looking to find your Mother-in-Law’s picture on the back of a milk carton!
      • The officer that just pulled you over asks if “you have any I.D.“..and you respond “About whut?”
      • You take a beer to a job interview.
      • You are caught roll‘n your trailer down the street to jump start the heater.
      • When you finish eatin’ your bologna you use the rind for dental floss.
      • You go to Goodwill to meet women.
      • You and your friends are putting an engine in a pickup, drinking beer, and the conversation is: Which county jail has the best food!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Dec 24, 2008
    • Those were great Tracy! Thanks for the laughs!estatic




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Liatref wrote Dec 25, 2008
    • Very Cool math trick explained:
      The first thing to notice is that 80*250=20000
      so, since multiplying the first three-digit number by 10000 gives you 1230000, you have already moved those numbers into the correct positions. However, since it is multiplied by 20,000, you have to add the last four digits twice so that when you divide by 2 you end up with 1 * the first three digits (shifted over to te left four spaces) and 1 * the last four. But what about the subtracting of the 250? That one was the tricky bit. Remember the 1 we added before multiplying by 250? That’s where the extra 250 came from. ie if you multiply 80*(first three digits) and add 1 and then multiply that whole thing by 250 you get 80*250*(first three digits) plus 1*250. So you have that 20000*(first three digits) as explained above plus 250. That extra 250 just hangs around until you subtract it away before dividing by 2 and ending up with your phone number!
      Tada!!
      I’m such a nerd! tee hee hee!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Dec 26, 2008
    • Haha! The true ones are the best! You know the lady with the toilet paper hanging out the back of her skirt? yeah, that was me, at church, no less! haha!

      Thanks, shopgirl!

      bfly, “hind lick maneuver“!!!! hahahaha!

      Blessings,
      Coachmombabe
      http://www.shilohhomeofhope.org

      "Treat others as if they are who they ought to be and you help them to become who they are capable of becoming." Goethe




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Dec 26, 2008
    • Amazing,liatref! I’m so math challenged. You have my total awe and respect! estatic

      Blessings,
      Coachmombabe
      http://www.shilohhomeofhope.org

      "Treat others as if they are who they ought to be and you help them to become who they are capable of becoming." Goethe




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 21, 2009
    • Just only small balls of ice?  I thought it would be bigger.  LOL.  Thanks for the laugh.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jan 21, 2009
    • There are three guys sitting in at the bar and they all order a beer.  The California guy looks at his beer and says “Bartender, there’s a fly in my beer, I’d like a new one please.”
      The Texan sitting there sees there is a fly in his beer too, but he picks the fly out and proceeds to drink his beer.
      The third guy is a South Dakotan and he sees there is a fly in his beer as well.  He picks the fly up, shakes it and yells  “Spit it out!”

      Tulip




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