Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.

+1
Love it

Q & A

Do you think teenagers these days are just plain lazy because parents make life so easy for them? I’m having issues with my lazy 18 year old and I’m wondering where I’ve gone wrong with him...this kid doesn’t want to do anything and it’s driving me crazy! Several of my friends are dealing with this also. What are your thoughts on this issue?

  •  
+1
Love it



Answer this See more Questions

View All Answers

    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • Hi Ang.  Yes I do!  Sorry your going through this.  I’ve been through it with my son.  He just moved out on his own last Sunday.  Hubby’s daughter is still at the house.  I tell him all the time that we’ve made it too easy on them.  (I have to say “we” and “them” because he get’s so defensive over his daughter).  Anyways, I do think some of it is because most of us are divorced and then you tend to feel guilty that your child had to go through that when most of us had no idea of what it was to come from divorced parents.

      I also think that kids now day’s have a sense of “entitlement“.  Hell, I didn’t own a cell phone until I was 38 years old”   Best of luck to you.  I’m sure your a great mom and it’s nothing you did.heart  Remember.....18 is still pretty young.




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • Personally I think teenagers are lazy because parents let them be.  

      Not criticizing you as a parent Ang, just a general observation I’ve made from being around teens.  

      My comment comes from dealing with my own kids and the teens I’ve worked with and dealt with in the community.  

      I see such a huge difference between the kids whose parents have made them actually work from a young age and those who have had everything given to them because either their parents give in to the whining or just “want them to have life better than I did”

      Cut off that 18 yr old’s food supply and he will get motivated to do something pretty quick!  Quit doing stuff for him, make him do it himself.




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • LOL!  Angel and I must have posted at the same time.

      I have to say I have 180 degree differnet outlook than her on this.  My thought is an 18 year old is old enough to be very nearly self-supporting.

      My 18 yr. old works a 40 hr week during the summer (and would during the winter if she could get the work!) and helps on the farm and will be graduating as an honor student in May.




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • Tulip, I agree with on this.  I’ve always had a job since I was 14.  Before that, I was happy to earn $5 cutting the lawn.  So many kids now day’s don’t have any desire to work and earn their money.




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • I think you‘re right about that sense of entitlement too, but how did they get that?




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • I think it all depends on the upbringing.

      My grandpa told me a joke when I first delivered my daughter:

      “A women came to a doctor with a 9 months baby. She asked the doctor when should she start disciplining her son.  

      Doctor looked at her, smiled and said, you are about 9 months too late“.

      My kids were raised with lots of structure, demands from my husband and me, and they knew that there are consequences if they don’t do what they committed to. At times I wanted to cave in and let it go, because it is so much easier to say yes, than to say no, but we stuck it out.

      Lots of kids later, I can tell you that discipline works, and in my personal opinion, it is NEVER too late to set boundaries, especially, when an adult child lives with you.

      If you don’t give your child money, and he needs to pay rent, he/she will have to step up to the plate.

      Good luck.




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • I have no ideal!  Man I remember I was THRILLED I had a job when I was a kid.  In high school, I got out at 2:20, drove home and put on my Waffle House uniform and went to work waitressing from 3:00-10:00 PM.  I’d bet you money most parents wouldn’t let their kid work those hours.  Oh, also I worked weekends from 10-6 AM.  All the drunks came in after 2:00......talk about an experience!  LOL  Makes me laugh thinking about it.




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • YES!!! parents today have enabled their kids because they feel they want to give them all the things they didn't get as a kid or treat them better then maybe their parents treated them which makes these kids today so lazy and whiny. Todays youth no nothing about hard work and saving for what you want they look at the parents as a gold mine and throw fits if they don't get what they want, NOT IN MY HOUSEHOLD!!!! Todays youth have NOT a clue about values, morals or the true meaning of hard work and respect for others. Yes I feel that kids today are far worse than prior generations.




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • Ang, Im dealing with my 18 yr old son doing the same ...and yes, I did want him to have a better life growing up than I did, and boy has he! But now...what to do...?




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Amy Jacobellis wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • Well, my son sat on the sofa for four years while he was in high school.  Slept there too. Got fat. Never took a bath. Or washed his hair.  

      When he went to University of Texas, a huge campus, he had to start walking and feeding himself.  He lost all his weight, makes straight A’s, and has a nice girlfriend.  

      But yes, I do think we do too much for them.  That’s why he sat on the sofa for four years.




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Diane17 wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • Denise, I feel the same way you do!!

      My nephew who will be 22 in July is living at home with his dad and has no job and is not in school.  He went to college for a while then flunked out.  He’s had many jobs and been fired.  All he does is sit around and play guitar.  My brother is at his wits end about what to do with him.

      Now my sister in law who just turned 21 has a job but is completely disrespectful to her parents, doesn’t call when she’s not coming home, and posts some really graphic, inappropriate stuff on FB!

      Angelcart, I’m with you.  I was THRILLED to have a job at age 16 and I’ve worked ever since.  

      I grew up with a disabled single mom who didn’t work and did not have much money.  My nephew on the other hand had two full-time working adults as parents so I’m pretty sure they had more money than my mom did growing up.  That might have something to do with it...I don’t know.




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • Well, from the time my kids could reach the sink and washing machine they have been doing it all. A necessity due to my illness.




            Report  Reply


    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Kyah wrote Mar 10, 2011
    • I would have to say not all teenagers have that attitude, but it’s a shame when it happens. I started working when I was 13, had to go to the Board of Health to get working papers. I liked having my own money and buying whatever I wanted.

      If I had a kid trying to sponge off of me, I’d make him or her remember it’s my home and my rules, every chance I get. Don’t like it, get out.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angell VillafaƱe wrote Mar 11, 2011
    • Ladies you are all so right! I know I’m guilty of giving and doing too much for my kids! I don’t think I put my foot down hard enough when it came to making them do more around the house and teaching them responsibility and making them accountable for their actions and behaviors...and now it is biting me in my butt! It’s so crazy because I was raised so differently and learned to be independent at such an early age. I held down a job in high school and was living on my own before I even graduated.  

      Angel you were on point with that entitlement response because that’s what I keep saying...my kids feel like they are entitled to everything! I have stopped doing things for him. He doesn’t have a car and gets rides to the college from his friends three days a week and the other two days he doesn’t go to class because he’s too lazy to take the bus. I stopped giving him rides after last semester because I’m tired of him depending on me for everything. I told him he can take the bus. I can’t get him to get out and look for a job either. You would think he’d want to save money for a car since he hates taking the bus so much. I stopped giving him money also. He looks a mess because he hasn’t gotten a haircut in weeks. I’m hoping something will click with this kid real soon because I’m losing my mind! Thanks for your comments ladies...I got some great advice and it’s helpful for me to read how others have handled this type of situation. Hopefully in the months to come I will have more positive news to post...wish me luck!




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Mar 11, 2011
    • Angell that’s why it’s called tough love ...... it’s tough but your loving and sometimes they mistake love for being a push over heart




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Mar 11, 2011
    • Hang in there Ang.  When my son was in high school he would not ride the bus either.  I drove him before work and then drove to my parents house or the school after work to pick him up.  One time he kept me waiting and wouldn’t answer his phone (yes, I know, I didn’t have one til I was 38) so I finally got up the nerve to leave.  I called his father and told him what was going on and that if he called me he could walk home!  It was hard but he pushed my last button that day!  heart




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Mar 11, 2011
    • I think most parents do their best in raising their kids..society has changed, morals have changed, television/video games/computers (to a degree)/cell phones have made our kids less communicative verbally and made them couch potatoes...but do you notice how it seems to apply to mostly boys that are having these issues?...could it be a lack of male parental intervention?...yes, divorce has hurt a lot of kids and yes, boys really do need a father figure, because they will walk all over a mother..and it also applies to boys that have a dad at home, maybe that father/son connection is lost somehow...just an observation from what I have seen around me.  Our son is close with his dad and would never test those waters, he respects the both of us.

      Hope all goes well, Ang..do you have a male member of the family that could bond with your son?..it might help.




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Mar 11, 2011
    • Based solely on what Ive seen, many times it isnt a case of laziness. Its more of a ‘theyve had it so easy they truly do not KNOW and fully understand’ type of thing. I believe many times, the innocently take for granted everything they have, even though it can drive a parent crazy.
      Such as basic things; food, running / hot water, a roof over their head, some TV, clothes, the family car that takes them wherever they need to be. etc etc etc. Things that have just always been there, ya know? And yes they should be taken care of, of course, but I think they truly dont understand exactly what it takes to provide those things, even though they are the basics. Ive also seen kids that age compare their lives to their friends and what they have w/ a result in thinking ‘I shouldnt HAVE to do any of this. You‘re my Mom and you should just give it to me.’
      Its a tough phase to go through on both sides of the fence. I had to pretty much cut my youngest off so to speak so he’s stop that. He is now 2o- will be 21 on St Pats Day.
      They HAVE to learn in order to be productive adults that there is no free ride anywhere.
      I hope I dont sound like a nazi. Sometimes they are lazy. Sometimes thats not the case- they really DONT get it. Hell, I know adults that dont get it. lol
      Good luck to you! Try not to get too frustrated when you have conversations with yours re what their doing with their life. It can make one want to pull their own hair out. lol
      So, I guess after all this rambling, the answer to your question is, yes. And no. happy




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Mar 11, 2011
    • My kids were raised in a different era and couldn’t wait to be out on their own. They lived with me sometimes, sometimes with their father while in school but once they were of age they ditched both of us. They‘re father wasn’t much of a disciplinarian, but if they wanted anything he didn’t give them the money for it. I suggested jobs since I worked from age 12 doing babysitting and house work.  

      It’s not just that parents give their children too much, as I see it. Advertising makes kids expect more. There’s electronics geared for tottlers and what parent doesn’t want their child to have educational benefits?  

      I saw a change in how children were raised when some report came out many years ago that China’s education system produced more prodigy children than the USA, and like it was a competition, whoosh... the American child at every income level was suppose to be flooded with every possible opportunity to excel and show the world the USA was on top!  

      China doesn’t coddle their children, their children are raised with a goal. We don’t seem to know how to do that here anymore.  

      Cathie




            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angell VillafaƱe wrote Mar 11, 2011
    • OMG Mary...yes! All my friends and me included that are going through this are all single moms with very little involvement from the fathers. So I completely agree with you!




            Report  Reply


Ask a Question






mature content submit as anonymous