Darlings, can I impose upon your good natures, just a wee bit?
I have just revamped my newsletter (I know some of you subscribe-thanks)
I’d love to know what you think of the new format and if it encourages to click on the links an dread more etc. Also, if you find the ad for the course intrusive at all.
It is posted on my site so if you click this link  you can see it.
Thank you so much, as ever! And hope you are all having fun over there!!
Jane

It's true that happiness is in the now, but thinking about positive events you've experienced in the past (and anticipating those you might have in the future) can actually increase your happiness levels in the present moment.

I was reminded of this following a conversation with a friend planning for a forthcoming wedding. He was concerned that all the anticipatory talk would lead to a sense of anti climax when it actually happened. On the contrary, I replied, often all the anticipatory talk adds to the overall enjoyment of the event.

"Savouring past pleasurable experiences boosts your positive emotions in the present, and positive emotions are the key to happiness," says Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness (Penguin, 2008).

The Happiness Bank
However, this doesn't work if thinking of good times fills you with melancholia because those times are in the past. The key is to tap into the pleasure and good feelings the event provided, not bemoan the fact that the experience is now behind you. I treasure happy moments as they are happening and also metaphorically deposit them in my 'happiness bank'. If you can use all your senses the experience can be even more vivid; conjure up the smells, sounds, sights etc..

And the act of anticipating happy events ? even one as seemingly banal as watching a comedy show ? can be equally as uplifting. Recent research has even shown that you don't need to actually laugh to reap the effects. People who were planning to watch their favourite comedies had a significant increase in mood-enhancing hormones even before the programme started.

So, if you don't have time today to spend a little time in pleasurable day dreaming, record an episode of your favourite funny show and look forward to watching in the evening!

What's the best memory in your happiness bank?

Now if you’ve looked at this thinking oh no, she’s gone all maudlin, rest assured, I haven’t! I don’t intend this to be a sad post although I will be mentioning the taboo subject of death so look away now if you don’t fancy it!

When you get to 53 as I am, it’s a pretty safe bet that you will have had a fair bit of experience of loss in your life and attended one or two funerals. By and large I think funerals are a very good thing and I want mine to be heaps of fun but preferably after I’ve conked out with a glass of gin in hand following an uproarious 100th birthday party where I’ve danced the night away!

But seriously, it is important to mark events in our lives, happy and sad, and all cultures do it. And I am a great fan of tombstones and, lying in the bath just now, was thinking about my dad’s memorial stone, which always makes me smile.

My dad died over ten years ago with lung cancer so we had some time to plan for his demise and subsequent funeral arrangements. After a cremation in Bath UK we took his ashes back to Edinburgh, Scotland where he was buried in a family grave. We were able to add a stone to the plot which prompted much discussion of what we would put on it. We didn’t have a lot of space but we particularly wanted to put something that would give a flavour of what my dad was like.

Eventually we settled on his titles, son, father, grandfather etc although we were allowed to put Dad and Da which was what his grandchildren called him. And then he had a little phrase he always used when shaking your hand (well, he always used it if he liked you and if he had a drink, the latter being probably more frequent than the former...).

He would say:

'Here's my hand, here's my heart'.  

And so we put that on. But we noticed that several of the stones had little carvings on which said something about the deceased, like a motorbike, or a house or plane. So we pondered long on what to put on my dad’s.  

It began as joke but somehow stuck and eventually we had a perfect pint of beer, in a straight glass, with a head (but still a full pint) etched to one side of the stone. The stonemeason was rather bemused and said he had never been asked for that before, lilies being more usual. But he did it for us and now my father’s grave raises a smile from many who pass by it and always a hefty grin from us and happy memories, which surely is what tombstones should be about?

What phrase best sums you up? If you had to choose an image for yourself what would you choose?

I see their is a review of Flow on site. I interviewed the author a few weeks ago; fascinating stuff. If yo would like to read more about her and why she co wrote this book, please do take a trip to the blog by clicking here.  

I have just interviewed New York based author Elissa Stein who has co written a great book called ‘Flow, the cultural story of menstruation, published next week, which looks at all the taboos and tales around women’s periods. Below is an extract from the advance publicity:

Females make up more than half of the people in with world and every single one?pop stars, housewives, Masai tribeswomen, psycho killers, geisha girls, the Queen of England, rocket scientists, bag ladies?gets a period that lasts up to a week, about once a month, for forty years. So why is menstruation still the ultimate taboo subject?

Flow tells you where it's at about menstruation: what it is, what we've been told and how we've been sold, and what we should definitely know. It's the most natural of cycles with the most unnatural of histories. It's a funny, fascinating, and occasionally scary story of big business, advertising, feminism, gender roles, medicine, religion, world culture, and above all, good manners . . . in which every single female, young or old, will recognize her story._

She was a great woman to interview. Do take a look at the last post on www.changingpeople.co.uk let me know what you think! Jane http://www.changingpeople.co.uk/2009/inspirational-women-author-elissa-stein/

I first heard these ten golden rules  from a guest speaker on one of my seminars and I've since shared them with hundreds of women. I think they have something to say to all of us, especially on the thorny topic of feeling guilty; I hope you find them helpful too!

1)I am not on call to all of the people all of the time.

2)I have needs of my own and they may not be the same as my friends, family, or colleagues.  

3)I don't have to say yes to every request put to me.

4)I don't have to carry on doing something just because I've always done it.  

5)Time I spend relaxing is time well spent.

6)I know there is no such thing as the perfect  girlfriend, wife, mother or child.

7)Time I spend feeling guilty could be spent doing more enjoyable things.

8)I won't do it for others if they are capable of doing it for themselves.

9)I owe myself the same care and consideration I give to others.

10)Remember at all times, especially in the face of criticism, when I'm up against difficulties and anxiety: I'm doing my best!