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  • Death and despair

    Posted on Sunday, July 25, 2010

    This is my first blog ever.  I feel I need to write some of my feelings and hopefully get some feedback.  My mother died last week.

    It was not a surprise as she had several back surgeries about 12 years ago and just never recovered.  For the past 12 years my step-dad has been her caretaker.  She had been on heavy pain medications.  She was in and out of the hospital about every six weeks by ambulance because of her additional health issues.  She had asthma, COPD, MRSA and possibly other things I don’t know about.

    Even though I know in my head that she is finally out of pain and in the arms of our Lord, I still feel so much pain.  It is worse when I go to my step-dad’s house because he is in worse shape than I am.  He was such a devoted husband and friend.  She never really understood the depth to which he loved and loves her still.heartbreak

    My mother made it very clear that she did not want a burial or funeral or service of any kind and I respect that.  I asked my dad (it is what I call him) if we could have a gathering for our friends and he said that is not what she wanted.  I know how badly we all are grieving but I think it would be good to have people get together to remember the good times.  I just do not want anyone coming up to either one of us and boo-hoo cry.  It is hard enough to keep our own selves together.  He said it would be okay.  Suddenly, I have a goal, I can do something constructive and I feel a little better.

    Has anyone else felt the same?
    Are there any other suggestions?  I don’t think I am up for a support group, but maybe.

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