Today I would like to dispel a lousy rumor; one that persists despite the fact that it is not now, nor ever was true.  I'm talking about, of course, the idea that to men there is no such thing as "bad sex."  This is absolutely false.  We do recognize bad sex.  But like lite beer and arena football, we will grudgingly embrace it if it's the best of our readily available options.  Because what is equally true is that most men feel that some sex, even that of inferior quality, is better than no sex at all.

Now I know that some of you are thinking, "Wait.  Guys almost always have orgasms.  How 'bad' could sex be if they're erupting all over the place?"  Good question.  And frankly, it's easy to understand your confusion, because, for you, orgasm is indicative of achieving a certain level of sexual excitement that doesn't always happen.  Not true for us.  For the most part, we consider sex and ejaculation almost synonymous.  One naturally follows the other.  Like night following day, or summer following spring, or flatulence following a chili cook-off, men are used to orgasm being the dependable conclusion to any sexual interlude.  And with rare exceptions this is the case?for us.  Men rarely begin a sexual activity wondering if they will climax.  We may worry about being unable to get or maintain an erection.  We may fret over coming too soon .  But we feel pretty confident that if we can get it up and get it in, getting it on will lead to getting us off.  It's that simple.  

What this all means is that, for guys, our climax doesn't indicate we had good sex, it just indicates we had? sex.  And for most of us, that, in and of itself, is a positive thing.  We still recognize different qualitative levels of sexual encounters, but we're so thrilled to be having sex with someone other than ourselves that we rarely, if ever, bring up the issue, unless it's to compliment you on your performance or the remarkably hospitable temperament of your vagina (though we probably won't use those words).

So don't expect to ever hear us complain or rate our sexual experience with you as less-than-stellar.  We're smart enough to know that a critique or constructive criticism is less likely to lead to better sex, and more likely to lead to the unmistakable thud of your thighs slamming shut ? never to be reopened in our presence again.  It is a sound that creates terror in our minds, emptiness in our hearts, and inconsolable sadness in parts below.  So do guys ever really have "bad sex?"  With others, perhaps, but never with you.

If you have any questions about men, relationships, dating or a related topic, please feel free to email them to me at: david@EveryManSeesYouNaked.com. I will try to answer as many as I possibly can here in my column.  If you are interested in a more comprehensive compendium of musings on the male mind, check out David's Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think.  

(C)2009 David M. Matthews.  All Rights Reserved.

If you are like many women today, in addition to numerous female friends, you also have (or did have at one point in time) several male friends.  For the most part, these are guys whose company you enjoy, but who you don't date.  You hang out with them, share what's going on in your personal lives, get their "male perspective" on things, but that's about as far as it goes.  Sure, you love them?but like brothers.  And you wouldn't even think about ever having sex with them, because that's not what your relationship is about.  And you know they feel exactly the same way.  They cherish your company and friendship, but unlike all the other men in your life, they have absolutely no interest in the tropical tempest between your thighs.  And I'm here to say that you can be absolutely confident that this is true? if they are either under the age of ten, comatose, or gay.  Otherwise, you're living in a fool's paradise.

"That's just a bunch of cynical crap," I hear you say.  "My male friends like me only as a friend?period." Are you sure?  Or are you just assuming because you don't think of them 'in that way.' that they feel similarly?  Now I admit that these relationships seem  innocent enough.  After all, you've spent lots of time together and they've never once indicated any sexual interest in you.  If they were hungering to be enveloped by your womanly flesh, wouldn't they have said something?  Obviously, they are immune to the gravitational pull of your private parts that keep other men orbiting you like hormone-infused asteroids.  And I agree that on the surface it appears their interest is purely platonic, but trust me when I tell you that, know it or not, their penises are casting furtive glances at your nether region when it's not looking.

So why haven't they said or done anything to let you know how they truly feel?  There could be a few reasons: 1) One or both of you might be in a relationship and the timing is wrong; 2) They know you have no sexual interest in them, and any move they make will be met with negativity, anger or serious laughter; or 3) They have no "game" and don't know how to make a move on you.  Whatever the reason, one thing is certain: In their heart-of-hearts, they hope that one magical evening, one or both of you will be so liquored-up that courage will overcome fear of rejection, pesky inhibitions will disappear along with clothing and at last the two of you will be able to allow your genitals some quality time together.  Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?

Still think I don't know what I'm talking about; that your guy friends have no interest in getting physical with you?  Fine.  Next time you're alone with one of them, tell him you've given it some thought and you'd like to have sex with him.  If you're  right, there'll be a moment of uncomfortable silence, after which you'll play it all off as a joke and the two of you can have a good laugh.  More likely, however, the awkward silence will be replaced by the metallic song of zipper teeth as your friend hurriedly discards his clothing in an effort to show you just how "friendly" he can be.    

If you have any questions about men, relationships, dating or a related topic, please feel free to email them to me at: david@EveryManSeesYouNaked.com. I will try to answer as many as I possibly can here in my column.  If you are interested in a more comprehensive compendium of musings on the male mind, check out David's Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think.  

(C)2009 David M. Matthews.  All Rights Reserved.