For those of you who were expecting a column on that Southern California tourist spot known as Disneyland, I'm afraid I have bad news for you.  This article will contain no mention of the Monorail, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, or Pirates of the Caribbean (other than the one immediately preceding, of course).  No, this is a tribute to another popular attraction that is, in fact, every straight man's number one favorite destination?your own Magic Kingdom ? your vagina.

As far as most men are concerned, the moist furrow between your thighs is what we spend the majority of our free time pondering.  The pursuit of it gives us motivation to get out of bed each morning (assuming a warm and welcoming "tunnel of love" is not in close proximity), and drives us back into bed, preferably with a partner, at each available opportunity.  And while your breasts are a definite pleasant diversion like the Teacups, we came to the park to experience the Matterhorn.  It's why no matter how high they raise the admission price, we'll always figure out a way to cough up the cash to pay for our passport to entertainment.  And we'll wait in line for hours just for a three or four minute ride that leaves us more than a little breathless.

But why are we so crazy about this particular amusement park?  Maybe it's because every time we visit we leave with a smile on our face.  Perhaps it's because regardless of how many times we board, the journey retains much of the allure of our very first visit.  Or possibly we are just addicted to the exuberant "it's-great-to-be-alive" feeling we have whenever we strap ourselves in and take off.  Whatever the reason, your tropical divide is the "x" on our treasure maps, and with virtually no provocation we'll enthusiastically brave virtually any terrain to reach your ground zero.  And in this case, if we get lost, we may even stop and ask for directions.

So what does it all mean?  Well, for us  it means, that no matter how many gadgets distract us (and you know how we LOVE our gadgets); in spite of how busy our lives become; regardless of how much we lose our enthusiasm for everything else in this world, we will never forget that there's a place we can go that will always raise our spirits and keep the spring in our step.  And for you  it means, despite a shaky economy, a polarizing war, and the threat of global warming, your torrid tourist trap will remain perpetually in demand.  Hey, we'll even put on those silly little mouse ears if it'll get us to the front of the line.

If you have any questions about men, relationships, dating or a related topic, please feel free to email them to me at: david@EveryManSeesYouNaked.com. I will try to answer as many as I possibly can here in my column.  If you are interested in a more comprehensive compendium of musings on the male mind, check out David's Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think.  

(C) 2009 David M. Matthews.  All Rights Reserved.

Women frequently ask me what guys are looking for in their relationships with the women in their lives.  And although they may realize how uncomplicated guys are, they are still usually surprised by the simplicity of my answer.  In general, men are looking for three things when they become involved romantically with a woman:  

1) Sex;
2) Comfort;
3) Companionship.  

And that's pretty much it.  And while there are certainly some men who have additional prerequisites on their relationship checklists, they are by far the minority, and don't really merit much examination in a general discussion about men and their motivations.

So on to the first thing that men want (and the highest on their "to-do" list): Sex.  As you know, sex is mucho important to guys.  It's what motivates us to get out of bed every morning (with the hope that soon we'll be hopping back in for a steamy interlude with an equally hot playmate).  And as much as most men love to eat, if guys had to choose between sex and food, starvation would be the number one cause of death in the male population.  So it only makes sense that one of the primary things we look for in our relationships is sexual compatibility.  And while that sounds as if we might be rating your performance in some way, truth-be-told, if you're willing to get naked with us on a regular basis ? then by our yardstick, we're perfectly compatible.

Okay, let's now talk about "comfort."  Men often look to their women to provide a safe haven, a comfortable place, a warm atmosphere in which to escape the brutality of everyday life.  I'm not talking about a physical environment, but an emotional one (although the physical comfort of resting our weary head on your soft breast is a big favorite of ours).  We like to kick back with you in a relaxed atmosphere, away from the pressures of the outside world.  We like your supportive attitude and soothing words.  We relish your warmth and understanding.  In other words, your very presence makes us feel better.  Conversely, if you treat us with disdain, criticism and antipathy (like most of the rest of the world), we're likely to want to be anywhere but where you are.  

And now to "companionship."  Like it sounds, what we are looking for is someone who is fun to just be around; a person who shares our interests, dreams, goals and sense of humor; someone who's just cool to hang out with and willing to accompany us on elaborate (and sometimes hair-brained) adventures.  We want a woman who obviously enjoys our company as much as we enjoy hers.  And when we've found that person we have so much in common with, it is only natural that we try and maximize our time together ? so powerful is the draw of compatibility.  

So there you have the shockingly simple truth about what we seek in our relationships with you.  I know it must seem as if we're searching for more: perhaps a partner, soul mate, life mate, coffee mate (sorry, couldn't resist), co-parent or roommate.  But actually, although once in awhile that may be our quest, usually our bottom line desire is for the above-mentioned "Big 3."  And unlike GM, Ford and Chrysler, if your guy has those things with you, your relationship will never need a government bailout.

If you have any questions about men, relationships, dating or a related topic, please feel free to email them to me at: david@EveryManSeesYouNaked.com. I will try to answer as many as I possibly can here in my column.  If you are interested in a more comprehensive compendium of musings on the male mind, check out David's Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think.  

(C) 2009 David M. Matthews.  All Rights Reserved.