*Do you feel good when you are constantly being told that you are wrong?*__ Are you motivated and inspired to create great things when you feel bad about yourself? If you are like most people, I'd say that your answer to both questions is a solid *"NO".*__

When you tell yourself that you should do this or you should do that, you are in essence telling yourself that you are wrong; you are wrong for not doing what you say you should be doing!

When it comes to weight loss and fitness, how often do you tell yourself that you should do this or that? When you do, I bet you aren't motivated to go out and conquer your goals because again, you are telling yourself that you are wrong for not doing it. Therefore, today's exercise in Loving Yourself Thin is to make a list of all of those "shoulds" that you've been telling yourself regarding your weight and/or overall health goals. You might come up with something like this:

I should lose weight.
I should eat better.
I should stretch every day.
I should get off of processed foods.  

Once you have your list of all of your shoulds (it could be a long list, it's whatever you come up with), make another list and replace all of those shoulds with the word could:

I could lose weight.
I could eat better.
I could stretch each day.
I could get off of processed foods.  

How different does it feel when you replace should with could? Do you feel better about yourself almost instantly? Do you feel that the power to change is in your hands, instead of someone else (even though that someone is you  ) dictating that you "should" lose weight?

On the surface this might appear to be a simple exercise, however it is one more step in the positive direction of releasing self criticism and negative self-talk, which helps to free up your thinking and allow some natural, positive motivation to occur. For example, don't you feel much more of a possibility for action when you think, "I could lose weight" rather than the heavy, "I should lose weight"?

Now I feel that I must qualify this exercise with the statement that I'm not suggesting that you no longer strive to lose weight to increase your level of health and fitness, but instead we are just working to release that bond of negative thinking, thinking that is not going to help you achieve your goals anyway. If you've been struggling to get motivated to change your lifestyle, to lose weight, get fit, and allow your body to thrive at a maximum level of health, "shoulding all over yourself" isn't going to help you get there.  

If this is the first exercise in this series that you have read, please I encourage you to read Day 1, which introduces them. You could also read Day 14, which is a review of the 31 Days of Loving Yourself Thin series.  

Remain blessed.

Karen

Good Afternoon Ladies.

I found this article while surfing the net and decided to share it with you all.  I found it very encouraging and uplifting.  I altered many things (as I always do) to encourage the spirit in my own way, I hope you all enjoy reading this too.

As a single woman and 40ish, it's easy for me to feel all alone even in a crowded room of many other singles. But I'm determined not to let it get the better of me. There's more to life than men, and by focusing on those other things, I'm maximizing my life as a single woman in my 40’s. Here are my suggestions for living that life:

Know who you are - One of my favorite verses is in Zephaniah 3:17 which says, "He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." When we get a picture of just how precious we are to God, we can't help but enjoy life. Life is worth living because He is worth living for.  

When we get to the "I should be married by now at my age" stage, it's easy to compare ourselves to others that we THINK are in the same situation we are in, but we never know the size or comfort of another person’s shoes unless we’ve traveled in them. But God created us uniquely and He has given us specific gifts that we can use to touch other people's lives. Don't wait for God to bring a man into your life to "complete" you. You are already complete if you are a child of God.  

You are single today because He wants you to be. There are some things in life that you can only accomplish in this particular season of life.

When God called Moses to speak to Pharaoh about releasing the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, He asked Moses to use what was already in his hand, his staff. He didn't ask Moses to use something he didn't have.

What’s in your hand? What are your strengths? What are the special gifts that God has given you that you could use today to bless somebody?

Have a great support network - “No man (or woman) is an island.”  I never realized how much I needed good, supportive friends until my recent breakup with my boyfriend. God has brought some wonderful people into my life, all of whom play different roles. I have an accountability friend who keeps me on track by asking me the hard questions, I have a ministry friend who plays a  role similar to mine in her church, and I have many friends with whom I can just have fun and be myself.

I also have a couple of close guy friends. Our relationships are so secure that we know there will never be anything more to our friendship; they are "safe" guys. I have found it helpful to understand a male's perspective on many things I may be dealing with in my life.

Have fun - This year on Valentine's Day, my roommates and I decided we would have a girls’ night at our place for all our single friends. We had a lot of fun making the invitations (so much fun that I've found a new hobby of making cards!) and planning the menu, decorations and so on.

Of course, we all still have "down" days and we have to allow yourself to go through them. But don't stay there. Watching soppy love movies or reading romance novels doesn't help, so stay away from those. Here are some things you could do instead:  

*Have a GROWN UP girl’s' night*__  

*Enjoy a regular "pamper yourself" day *__

*Find a hobby for mature women *__

*Aim to meet one new person every week in your age and intelligence group.
Travel like it’s your last day on earth *__

**Attend a women's conference to uplift your soul and your spirit *__*__

**Get some much needed exercise. *__*__

Give your hand a go at different things if you're unsure of your place in God’s kingdom. Look for opportunities to serve people and to serve God. It may not be in God’s House per say, but helping people in general is his idea of living life.  Giving back to those who would not on the other hand have, makes the heart happy. In the meantime, if God happens to bring alongside you someone who seems to be running at the same pace and direction as you, that's awesome! But if not, keep serving anyway. The Bible says that when we get to heaven we will have to give an account for what we did with our time, so let's make the most of every day.

We're just about halfway through the 31 Days of Loving Yourself Thin so we're making Day 14 a review day.  

Today's exercise is to go back to the beginning and read Day 1, the introduction to this series. After that, pick the one exercise up to this point that you had the greatest reaction to, whether positive or negative, and do that exercise today. You see, when you have a strong reaction there is something else there for you to learn about yourself (if you don't have any reaction at all then you're either not ready, or you could just be in observation mode). If you had such a strong reaction, then it will do you more good to go through that exercise again, instead of doing a new one today.  

The reason that we are re-reading Day 1 is because I want to stress what these exercises are all about, which is simply to use the most powerful force on Earth (love) to release negative self-talk, criticism, blame, anything that is not love that you are holding on to in regards to yourself. Of course we are focusing on the topic of your weight and health here at The Fit Shack, so we are looking at the negativity that you hold in your thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) and emotions regarding your weight.

In these exercises we aren't focusing on the lifestyle changes that are necessary in order to lose weight and achieve maximum health (high energy, a zest for life, ease of movement, wellness and health in body, mind, spirit), and as you know, this is not at all about becoming "skinny". Instead the entire focus is on gaining natural motivation to care for your body and health, just like you desire excellent health for your loved ones.

For example, do you want your loved ones to be overweight, unhealthy, living with low energy, and just feeling poorly each day? Of course you don't, so why would you want anything less for yourself? You won't once you genuinely love yourself (again, this is not about boasting, vanity, ego, conceit, but about love, acceptance, and forgiveness).

When you love yourself and treat yourself like your own best friend, you will naturally want to care for your body. You will drop the self-sabotage and allow yourself to enjoy all of the benefits of living in a healthy, fit, toned, energetic body.

All in all, these exercises will make sense to you when you understand how powerful your mind and emotions are in your life. Everything in life begins with a thought, and your emotions (therefore love) are also thoughts. If you have had struggles with achieving maximum health and fitness and it is an important goal to you, why in the world wouldn't you want to pull out all stops and utilize the greatest power (your thoughts and emotions) that is under your control?  

If you have any questions or comments or wish to share any of your experiences with these exercises up to this point, please feel free to leave a comment.

That's right; today's exercise on Day 13 of Loving Yourself Thin is to thank your fat. Are you thinking that I'm crazy now? If you are that's OK, just do the exercise anyway.  

This is a simple exercise to do but will require some work. Sounds contradictory? This is because thinking of your fat as helping you might be a new thought for you, which is why it will require some work, but I think that once you get going you will find it to be easier than you first thought.  

Grab your notebook, your journal, a piece of paper, a napkin, something to write on; as I have mentioned in previous posts, I strongly suggest you write with pen and paper instead of on the keyboard because it is more powerful for you.

Start jotting down anything at all that comes to mind regarding how your fat helps you in your life. Like I said, you might not have ever thought of your fat as being helpful to you, especially if you are constantly criticizing it (or yourself) for being overweight; however here are some examples of how your fat could be helping you today:

If you are afraid of attention, your fat helps to keep people at a distance.  

If you haven't set other life goals besides weight loss then by either staying overweight or regaining weight that you previously lost, your fat gives you a goal to keep striving for (your goal weight).  

If you are afraid of getting involved in life, your fat can give you an excuse to stay on the sidelines; therefore you won't get hurt (emotionally or physically!)  

These are just a couple of examples that might be true for you, however there are physiological ways that your fat helps you, which are true for everyone:

Your body is just doing its job by "growing its fat cells". When you eat more than you expend in energy or eat the types of food that trigger weight gain, the fat on your body is being stored for future use.
Your fat is there to help you in the future in case of a famine, again, just doing its job.
If you went on Survivor your fat would help your body sustain itself.
OK, the last one I threw in for humor, but in actuality, it is true. The point is to become aware of all of the ways that your fat is helping you right now. Am I suggesting you do this so that you give up on weight loss and stay overweight? No, this is an exercise in releasing more of the criticism and disdain that you have for the fat on your body. You see, your fat cells are not "out to get you"; they really are just doing their job from a biological standpoint.

Yes, your body is just doing what it is supposed to do when you feed it more than it needs to function at your current level of energy output. By recognizing that and by increasing your awareness of the psychological and emotional reasons that you hang on to your fat (by sabotaging your weight loss efforts), you will help yourself release the negative thoughts directed towards it.

Now that you have at least one way that your fat is helping you in your life, take this reason and write a letter to your fat, thanking it for doing its job. It could be a short note or a long diatribe, whatever you come up with is great, as long as you are recognizing and giving credit to your fat for helping you. Here's an example using the first example in the list above:

*Dear fat:* Thank you for protecting me from life. I can now see that I have been using you to try and keep myself safe and that instead of attacking and criticizing when you are only "just doing your job", I would make more progress in weight loss by working on increasing my feelings of safety in life. Thank you for doing what you are supposed to be doing and for providing me with a storehouse of fuel in case of a famine, I love you.

Again, this is just an example and your list of ways that your fat is helping you as well as your thank you letter might be very different. The entire goal of the exercise is to raise your awareness of what you are gaining from being overweight, how your fat is really not your enemy, and replacing criticism and negative thoughts towards your fat with acceptance and love.

*The more that you can love and appreciate your body as it is now, the more success you will have with not only losing weight, but keeping it off in the long run.*__ While the focus of the 31 Days of Loving Yourself Thin exercises is to increase your self love and the love you have for your body, you can see that by default you are going to understand more about yourself and the underlying cause for your symptom of overweight.

In conclusion, after you have done the written portion of today's exercise, go to the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself, "I love you exactly as you are right now. I now have a better understanding of how my fat has been trying to help me, thank you".  

Remain blessed.

Karen

Think of something that you have done in your life that you feel just awesome about, preferably something that is not related to weight loss. Today's exercise in Loving Yourself Thin is to think of this "something" every time today that you have any negative thought about your weight or your overeating. Any time that you have a critical thought about yourself or your weight just think of that accomplishment, that "something" that you are proud of.  

There is so much more to you than your weight, and although it is very important to care for yourself, lose weight if overweight, and increase your level of health, you aren't going to gain positive change by criticizing yourself for overeating and gaining weight. This will only serve to increase your negative feelings towards yourself and bring you down.

Remember, in these exercises we aren't focusing on the physical action that is necessary to achieve lasting weight loss, but instead on increasing the love you have for yourself today. The more you love yourself, the more you will be naturally motivated to care for your body and your health, just as you encourage and want your loved ones to care for themselves.

Loving yourself isn't about criticism and blame, it is about forgiving yourself for indulging in unhealthy habits and recognizing that you have done the best you could at that time. If criticism of your overeating and weight gain worked, then you wouldn't have any problem with either your weight or your health today.  

Today is Day 12 of Loving Yourself Thin. If this is the first exercise you have done you can find the introduction and a list of all current daily exercises on my blog beginning with day one.

Remain blessed.

Karen

Today's exercise on Day 11 of Loving Yourself Thin is to affirm to yourself every time you see your reflection, "I love you and I support you. If you want to lose weight, I will help you, I'm on your side." Repeat this when you look yourself in the eyes in the mirror, when you see your reflection in your computer monitor, when you see yourself in a storefront, anywhere you see your reflection.  

As with the previous mirror work exercises so far in this series (Day 1, Day 3, Day 5, Day 6, Day 8), you can think this affirmation instead of repeating it aloud if there are others around.  

This exercise will be very helpful to you if you have 2 sides of yourself that have been working against each other in regards to weight loss: one side dearly wants to treat yourself better, eat healthy, exercise regularly, lose weight, and the other side is bent on sabotaging your efforts. You want to get both sides of yourself on the same page, both sides working for the same goal instead of one part of you continuing to sabotage your goals.

When you look in your eyes in the mirror and say, "If you want to lose weight, I will help you, I'm on your side", that is the side of yourself that has been working against you now telling you that it will work with you. I've had struggles with self-sabotage and when I do today's mirror work, I really feel a difference.

Are you experiencing any changes yet in your attitude towards yourself and your body? If you've been doing these exercises since Day 1, I would truly love to hear about your progress! Send me a message.  I will respond to any and all questions and inquiries.

Remain blessed.

Karen