As women, we often have trouble establishing and keeping boundaries, both at work and at home. Yet, not doing so exposes us to a lot of lost time and, often, to being used and exploited, which makes us feel stressed, which in turns makes us less productive, and very soon we're in a negative pit of overwhelm, stress and frustration.  

Jennifer (not her real name) had serious boundary issues both at work and in life. In particular, a client that was supposed to take no more than 20 hours of her week ended up asking for urgent tasks at all times of day, interrupting her and, in the end, getting much more time than they paid for. As a result, Jennifer was working a solid 60-hour week.  

One of the first things we did when we started working together was putting boundaries around this client: she would contact them and let them know that, due to her workload, she had to change the way she worked with them; from now on her time would be completely devoted to them between 9 and 1 every day, but that any task they sent after 1 pm would be fulfilled the next day.  

Jennifer was afraid that her client would be very unhappy with the change, but she was so desperate for a solution that she agreed to make the call. To her surprise (but not mine, because things usually go this way), her client immediately agreed and, after a few misses, respected her new boundaries. And Jennifer discovered that, with this new scheme in place, she worked better and faster (this change alone reduced her workweek by almost 10 hours) and her client respected her more than before.  

Jennifer, in her difficulty to establish boundaries with her client, is far from an exception. Most of us are guilty of it in one form or another. So where do you not establish boundaries, or, once establish, do you let people breach them over and over again? Is it because you feel you can't say no to your boss? Or you feel guilty to establish firm boundaries with your child, because you see him or her so little in the first place? Is it something else? How much is not establishing or having your boundaries respected really hurting you? My guess is that, just like Jennifer, it is costing you dearly in terms of stress, lack of time and feeling out of control. So start re-establishing your boundaries. If it feels strange, try with small things, before graduating to larger ones, such as occasionally saying no to your boss. You will find that your life suddenly gets much more peaceful and productive.  

Yours in Daily Mastery,
Karin