Today is hard for me. Ten years ago was the last day of my parents life.  My Dad broke my mothers heart with two bullets, then He shot himself in the heart with a shotgun. I have had so many hours of therapy, and I don’t think the pain will ever go away. You see my heart was broken that day. Not broken by a bullet, and not a quick death, but broken into million pieces. I lost myself that day. I will have to continue this later.

If I had any doubts I know now that I’m in the middle of menopause. Yucko! I have had hot flashes off and on for the past two years lasting maybe a month or two. For the past two weeks things have gotten much worse. Waves of heat all day long....can’t sleep at night....and I’m an emotional basket case. OMG, this morning I broke down in front of my 20 year old son. It was so embarrassing. I was sitting on the steps sobbing, and He said whats wrong mom?....I just looked up, and said “I’m getting old“. He started laughing, and said You are crying, because you are getting old? I  sobbed even harder not able to explain. Finally I got a grip, and told him that it was a hormonal thing. He got it then. Bless his heart...I know it was a very awkward  situation for him, and me too. He gave me a big hug, and told me It’s just part of life mom, and assured me that I would be o.k. (what a sweetheart).  

I’m not sure what to do about this. I’ve heard bad things about hormone therapy, and I don’t know that much about natural hormones. I would love to hear from others that have been trough, or are going trough this. what are some of the things that have helped you? Please share your survival secrets with me. I don’t like this menopause stuff. It’s not fun at all!

I can’t figure out if it’s that I’ve been afraid to fail, or succeed. I really think I’m past the fear now, and I’m ready to try. I have been a member of this site for a while now.  I have spent so much time reading, and learning from everyone. I can’t explain why, but I feel as if a fire has been lit within me.  Thanks to all of you for the inspiration.