By Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

Somali pirates have recently released captives held for months as monsoon weather hampers their kidnapping activities. But the world fears their pirate activities will resume when the rough weather subsides in the fall. In the interim, what can we learn from the successful rescue of Richard Phillips, captain of the Maersk Alabama, a commercial ship bringing much-needed food and supplies to Africa? Capt. Phillips acted heroically when his ship was attacked by Somali pirates five days earlier, surrendering himself as a hostage while protecting the crew from a similar fate. President Obama noted that Captain Phillips’ demonstration of courage was “a model for all Americans.” We all join in admiring his unique combination of integrity, professional training and bravery.  

Back on the USS Bainbridge, with Commander Frank Castellano, Capt. Phillips was quick to give credit to his rescuers, saying, “I’m just the byline. The real heroes are the Navy, the Seals, those who have brought me home.” The admirable behavior of many throughout this ordeal made the daring rescue possible: Capt. Phillips himself, Navy Seals, Cmdr. Castellano, officers and crew of the Alabama, as well as other Navy personnel and ships coming to aid in the rescue efforts. We wonder, what gives someone the strength to act as selflessly as Capt. Phillips did? His merchant marine training and position as a leader certainly played a large role, yet his actions also seem to reflect a deep personal commitment to his fellow man.  

How can you begin to incorporate these successful techniques for handling difficult challenges in your life? Use these 6 tips as you draw upon your own resources and support to accomplish goals when you‘re in stressful situations.

1.*Respect your job and take it seriously.*  Capt. Phillips is an alumnus of the Merchant Marine Academy where, undoubtedly, he was trained about what to do in numerous emergency situations. He had a plan to protect his ship and crew and immediately instituted it when the pirates attacked. Train hard for your job and treat it with the significance it deserves. If you are a parent, your work at home is just as important as your career. Pay attention to what is going on in your family and have contingency plans for how to keep members safe.  

2.*Don’t give up, even when all seems hopeless.*  Captain Phillips was in a frightening situation when the pirates attacked. Yet he didn’t surrender his ship and crew, rather he put his own life at stake. Hot, hungry, tired and alone with his captors on the lifeboat for five days, Capt. Phillips didn’t admit defeat. Instead, when he could, he jumped off the boat and attempted to swim to safety. When you‘re faced with tremendous difficulties, hang in there. Draw upon your personal character strengths - like persistence, hope, leadership, integrity, creativity, bravery, spirituality - to carry you through the ordeal.    

3.*Think outside the box* . Capt. Phillips appeared to be going along with the pirates’ commands but he stayed alert and constantly thought about what he could do, first, to save his crew and cargo and then himself. He paid attention to his captors’ behavior and tried to escape, surprising them by jumping into the ocean. When that attempt failed, he remained attentive to rescue efforts so that he could play his part. You too can be creative when you are faced with a seemingly impossible situation. Often you can improvise when a solution doesn’t readily appear. Use your skills to develop resiliency. Your first plan may not work but keep revising until you have plans that you can implement.

4.*Use all your resources.*  The rescue of Capt. Phillips required the coordinated efforts of the U.S. Navy command, their ships and personnel, the Seals, merchant ships, the FBI, even President Obama. While you likely do not have these resources at your fingertips, you do have friends, extended family and community services to help you through challenges. Learn to cooperate with others and use teamwork as you strategize and move toward accomplishing your goals.    

5.*Align yourself with a higher purpose.*  For Capt. Phillips, it was more important to protect his crew and their humanitarian cargo than himself. His altruistic perspective informed and directed his actions. You can build a meaningful life for yourself and your family as you form a strong connection to community, country, the world and a spiritual power.    

6.*Say thank you.*  Capt. Phillips’ first public statement when he reached the USS Bainbridge was to thank his rescuers for giving him back his freedom. He tried to direct the spotlight away from himself and towards them, labeling them the “real heroes.” When you have been helped and nurtured by others, expressing your gratitude makes both you and them feel good. These two little words create a win-win situation for everyone.

We salute you, Captain Phillips, and welcome you home. Now, lets all use the tools we have to get busy creating our own rescue plans, whatever the focus. Even without the media coverage, we will surely be heroes in the eyes of those who care about us.    

? 2009, Her Mentor Center

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. & Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are co-founders of http://www.HerMentorCenter.com, a website for midlife women and http://www.NourishingRelationships.Blogspot.com, a Blog for the Sandwich Generation. They are authors of a forthcoming book about Baby Boomer’s family relationships and publish a free newsletter, Stepping Stones, through their website.

By Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. & Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

The financial crisis has affected many people and involved losses on many levels ?jobs, income, money in the stock market, a certain comfort level, retirement funds, a sense of security, dreams for the future. And, inevitably, these feelings of loss are accompanied by a period of grieving. Ever since Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first identified the stages of mourning in her seminal book, "On Death and Dying," bards, mental health experts and pundits have waxed philosophical about this process.

These stages are universal and can relate to any catastrophic personal loss. K?bler-Ross maintained that the steps do not necessarily come in any particular order, nor are all of them necessarily experienced by everyone. If you or your loved ones have lost money, trust or confidence, evaluate where you are in this process by the stages and comments below:  

?Denial ? "Others may be worried about money issues but this can't be happening to me."
?Anger ? "Why me? I haven't done anything to deserve this financial mess."
?Bargaining ? "I'll do anything if you just help me secure my retirement account."
?Depression ? "I'm so discouraged, what's the point in even trying to save?"
?Acceptance ? "These problems are serious, so I might as well prepare for the long haul."

Dr. Kubler-Ross describes the final stage of acceptance as generating the energy to reinvest in new objects. As you begin to recover from the economic upheaval, don't you think you will be best served by investing in your own wellbeing?  

As a private citizen, it's difficult for you to influence government policy, but you can have control over your own health. The average annual cost of health care in the United States is over 2 trillion dollars - a large drain on the economy. Almost 75% of health care dollars are spent treating chronic preventable illness. You have the power to make in-roads if you take your health into your own hands. Here are some ways to start taking more personal responsibility:

1. Participate in regular physical exercise that you enjoy and find engaging. The Centers for Disease Control recently released the '2008 Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans.' The guidelines, which recommend incorporating both aerobic activity and flexibility/strength training into your weekly routine, are a result of overwhelming evidence of the benefit of exercise in chronic disease prevention. Studies indicate that aerobic exercise brings more blood and oxygen to your brain cells. So you can improve your mood, control your weight and protect yourself against cognitive loss, all at once.

2. Alleviate stress by the consistent practice of yoga or meditation. The first few times you try yoga, your body may be resistant and the postures may feel uncomfortable. Meditation can also be difficult at the beginning - having to sit still and to quiet your mind.  However, if you decide to study yoga or meditation, and practice it regularly with the assistance of an experienced and compassionate instructor, you can produce results that go far beyond merely alleviating stress.

3. Maintain a healthy diet, rich in fruits and vegetables and moderate in fat. Research has shown that keeping track of what you eat, and why, is one of the most powerful tools in a weight change program. If you are significantly overweight, you have a greater risk of developing many diseases including high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, stroke and some forms of cancer. Reaching and maintaining a healthier weight, or even losing a few pounds or preventing further weight gain, has considerable health benefits.

4. Recognize how you deal with tension related to money. Financial pressure can lead to unhealthy activities like smoking and drinking. If these behaviors are causing problems for you, try to find healthier approaches to managing anxiety. There are 12-step and behavior modification programs that provide the guidance and support that you need.  

There is now no doubt that this financial crisis will be deep and go on for a long time. You may have already suffered a loss of faith, trust or confidence. Fear and uncertainty contribute to the failure of conventional wisdom in tough times. But the human spirit is resilient. And the best antidote to stress is taking care of yourself. What lessons have you learned from these difficult circumstances, and can now put to good use? Begin to believe that you have control over your life. If you choose to live a healthier lifestyle, you could save a lot of money and perhaps even lower your taxes.

? Her Mentor Center, 2008

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. & Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are co-founders of http://HerMentorCenter.com , a website for midlife women and http://NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com , a blog for the sandwich generation.  They are authors of a forthcoming book about family relationships and publish a free newsletter, Stepping Stones, through their website.  As psychotherapists, they have over 40 years of collective private practice experience.

By Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. & Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

A perfect marriage would be free of financial controversy. But during this economic crisis, the reality is that couples need to learn new money management skills and face tough financial decisions ? while at the same time making their relationship work. Not an easy task. When you use these five practical tips, you’ll give yourself and your marriage a better chance:

1.Keep the lines of communication with your partner wide open. In stressful times, incidences of anxiety, depression and suicide ideation increase and rates of marital satisfaction decrease. Research indicates that close to half of all partners who cheat are trying to fill some emotional need. Job loss and financial instability can put tremendous pressure on traditional family life. But trust counters fear. So talk about what's going on and what you can do about it ? you'll feel less helpless and ready to start the ball rolling.  

2.Try to access your money script, which is governed by a process outside consciousness in the part of the brain called the amygdale. By understanding how your family of origin dealt with money, and your emotional reaction, you'll gain insight into your own financial strategies. This alone can help alleviate some stress, especially if you're feeling paralyzed or even just stuck. If you're focusing blame on your spouse, perhaps this process will allow you to look at the part you play in the present situation. You may decide to curb impulse spending if you realize that money and stuff are not necessarily a measure of power or self worth.  

3.In troubled times, share the chore of money management, regardless of who has been in charge of the finances in the past. This job may be more than one can handle and the support of putting two heads together can give you clarity about the issues. After listening to each other's input and being open to compromise, make your major money decisions together. Take small or large steps, depending on your particular circumstances. At this time, taking out new credit cards should be an option rarely used as this is, in essence, living beyond your means. And that contributed to the financial mess in the first place. As difficult as it may be, commit to a simpler lifestyle.

4.The most important money management skill is creating a budget, enumerating what needs to be saved and what can be spent. Set long term financial goals, as well as short term objectives that will take you in the direction of saving. Any deviations from the budget should be discussed and mutual decisions made. Conventional wisdom speaks to having an emergency cushion ? that is, enough savings for living about six months in the event of job loss or extended health problems.

5.As much as you want to help your children and parents, don't take your eye off the ball. If you‘re in the Sandwich Generation, you may be balancing college tuition, elder care housing and your own financial responsibilities. Continue to focus on your health, finances and retirement savings. Doing so will ensure that you have the wherewithal to be an active participant in your children and parents' lives while still saving for your own long-term needs. And the more your family does for themselves, the better they will feel about maintaining their independence.

Financial events shape how people act ? the great depression beginning in 1929 affected entire generations as they adapted to the change in their way of life. If the predictions come true and this is a slow economic recovery, everyone will have to adjust their mental attitudes and create new behaviors around spending. Yet there are hidden gifts in these shifts ? by nesting more, you have less stress, the chance to bond with family, more time with your partner.

These are tough times but you can draw on the strength of your relationships to get through. As banks are having a difficult time lending money, this is your chance to make an investment in your marriage - it can turn into a welcome source of security and comfort. And can you think of a better time than now?  

? Her Mentor Center, 2008

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. & Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are co-founders of http://HerMentorCenter.com , a website for midlife women and http://NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com , a blog for the sandwich generation.  They are authors of a forthcoming book about family relationships and publish a free newsletter, Stepping Stones, through their website.  As psychotherapists, they have over 40 years of collective private practice experience.