We have heard many suggestions on how to be successful. Believe in yourself, persist, get up every time you fall down, understand there is no failure only feedback, learn from mistakes, reach for the stars and walk toward your goals. All this is true, plus for any career or trade you choose there is a set of skills that you must master if you are to be successful.  

We understand this when it comes to career, however when it comes to building loving relationships we tend to think it should just happen. Successful loving relationships also require vision, persistence, learning from mistakes and developing skills; they don't happen by accident.  

First question to consider is, "Where does your relationship fit on your priority list?" If the answer is that your relationship gets what is left over after you have met your work, personal, social and volunteer commitments then it is quite possible that your relationship is suffering from atrophy.  

When it comes to physical activity, our muscles gain strength through use and if we are inactive for more than two weeks they start to atrophy or waste away and weaken. Our relationships are strengthened through time and attention and they will waste away if they are at the bottom of our priority list.

Making our relationship a priority is the place to start. To build successful loving relationships the following are some important relationship skills to learn and practice:  

?Self-responsibility ? you and only you are responsible for your thoughts, words and actions
?Ability to appreciate differences ? remember your partner is different not wrong
?Listen to understand ? become open minded and open hearted
?Hang on to self ? take a deep breath and count to ten, learn to sooth your own hurts and disappointments to reduce over reactions
?Empathy ? ability to see things from your partner's perspective
?Supporting ? ability to be there for your partner
?Maturity ? choose to behave like an adult in your relationship
?Negotiation ? think win win, rather than having to be right
?Holding your tongue ? don't say the things you will wish you could take back later
?Fighting fair ? be able to disagree without being disagreeable
?Stay in the present ? practice dealing with what is rather than being stuck in the past or worrying about the future

Just like any other area of our life where we have or want to have success, relationships require time, skills and persistence to be successful.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course  

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Are you where you want to be in your life? Are you fulfilled and content? If not; why not? Pause and consider the answer to this question. Pay attention to what you are telling yourself about why you are not where you want to be. Now just imagine, what might happen if you were willing to give up your excuses.  

I have a Garfield cartoon that I have enlarged and keep as a reminder. It shows Garfield and Odie racing and finishing on a tree limb. Jon then says, "Odie! Dogs can't climb trees!" In the next frame Garfield thinks, "It's amazing what one can accomplish when one doesn't know what one can't do." There is profound wisdom in this concept. It is amazing what we are capable of when we stop telling ourselves that we can't do it.

Turn the "I can't," into a question "How can I move toward what I want?" What would be your first step in that direction. You may not be able to walk a thousand miles today, but you could walk a thousand miles, one mile a day for a thousand days. Chances are that you would be able to walk a little further each day, and the closer you came to your goal the faster you would approach it.  

As we move toward our goals, our ability to reach them increases. Not only do we strengthen ourselves by moving toward our goals, but having that commitment to reach our goals actually seems to draw our goals closer to us. You will find that the more positive and consistent you are as you reach for your dreams, the more things will fall into place and the easier it will become.  

We are either moving toward our hopes and dreams or we are walking away from them. Excuses keep us walking away. We don't even have to know how we are going to do it. We just have to make up our minds and start taking steps toward our dream. In time we will find ourselves where we want to be rather than complaining that it is impossible to get there.  

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course  

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine