For those of you who don’t know - I’ve been involved the past few months creating an online dating site (Over35Match.com). The biggest challenge, of course, has been getting the word out about the site.

Well - this coming Monday, August 2, I'm going to be the guest on the New York show Dating Help 911! It's a live call-in show where dating coach Tracey Steinberg answers questions from callers and discusses dating-related questions with the guest. We're going to be discussing the do's and don'ts of creating profiles for online dating sites.

For those not  in New York, the show is streamed live over the internet. For those who are in New York, we're also hosting a viewing party, followed by an After Party in New York.

If you‘re interested in watching the show or joining us at the party - just go to

[Link Removed] 

If you watch the show - I’ll be very interested in hearing your feedback!

-Tammy

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Just about anyone who has been single in the past decade has considered using online dating web sites. After all, we live in a digital society these days. Using the internet allows us to extend our search for the perfect mate far beyond the traditional sources of yesterday.

In the offline world, it’s difficult to decide where to go to find suitable singles. Is the local bar better than a dance club? Are you more likely to meet someone through church rather than through a sports or hobby club?

In the online world, we have similar questions. But, by far, the most common question is:

“Which online dating site is best?”

Obviously, if there was only one “best” for everyone, we would only need one site. The fact that there are hundreds to choose from just proves that there is no such thing as one-size-fits-all when it comes to dating sites.

Here’s a quick overview of some of the more popular sites to help you decide which one fits you best:

[Link Removed]
Cost: $34.95/month (lower priced plans available for long-term commitments)

Pros:  

• Large member database;  
• Serves 24 countries;
• Name recognition because of extensive advertising.

Cons:  

• Can view profiles for free, but only paying members can communicate;  
• Personal information is shared with third parties (Match.com is part of a large family of online advertisers - your email address will be shared with all of them);  
• Many members report trouble cancelling service - if you subscribe to the 6-month plan to save money, you are required to make 6 payments;  
• Members can “hide” behind a false profile and out-of-date photos,  you can spend a lot of time meeting people to sort through them. Many choose to talk offline before meeting, but this means giving out at least some personal information, such as a phone number;
• Banner advertising across the site is annoying;
• You can contact non-paying members, but they cannot reply to you, which wastes your time when you‘re searching. Since you don’t know who is a paying member and who isn’t, it can also leave you feeling rejected when you reach out to someone and they don’t respond.

[Link Removed]
Price: $50/month (lower priced plans available for long-term commitments)

Chemistry.com is owned by the same company as Match.com, except they provide a personality profile to generate matches for you. Otherwise, the Pros and Cons are essentially the same.

[Link Removed]
Cost: $60/month (lower priced plans available for long-term commitments)

Pros:

• The focus is on finding a mate rather than just a casual dating site (don’t apply if you‘re just interested in casual dating);
• Personality Profile provides you with matches to members who supposedly are a good fit for you.

Cons:

• Lengthy questionnaire process (it takes an hour or more to go through all of the questions);
• Many members report getting matched with people that are completely wrong for them;
• 4-step initial contact process requires you to answer a lot of guided questions back and forth before you can enter into a “real” conversation;
• Many people are rejected;
• Reports of unauthorized billing.

[Link Removed]
Cost: $29.95/month (lower priced plans available for long-term commitments)

Pros:

• Email notifications of members you might be interested in;
• One week free trial available.

Cons:

• Requires a Yahoo! email account which can attract a lot of SPAM;
• You can view non-paying members Profiles, but cannot contact them, which wastes your time when you‘re searching.

[Link Removed]
Cost: $14.95/month (pay-as-you-go, no long-term commitments)

Pros:

• Free trial available;
• Combination dating and social networking, not just one-on-one communication;  
• Through the chat room, you can have multi-person discussions so you can get a better idea of someone’s personality;
• Members can create and organize offline events to meet in a group setting while enjoying common interests, allowing members to meet and get to know many members at once;
• Deceptive profiles and photos get “outed” by other members because of the various social interaction methods;
• Optional private video chat feature allows you to see the other person live without setting up a first date - no extra cost;
• Members can upload videos;
• Each member can create his/her own blog;
• Members can submit blog entries to the community “magazine.”  

Cons:

• Search feature only works on standard Profile questions and member-created tags, doesn’t search the entire profile;
• Limited to those over 35;
• PayPal account required.

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We all do it. We all eat things we shouldn’t. Or we fail to get the amount of exercise we should. Often, we chalk it up to a lack of self-control - or to our genetic make-up. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. As Tony Robbins says - “in an instant, you can change your life forever.” All it takes is changing your thoughts.

Try this tactic...when there’s something you want that you know you shouldn’t have - play what I call the “Then What?” game.  

For example, let’s say there’s a donut in front of you. Right now, you‘re probably having an internal dialogue that sounds something like this: “I shouldn’t have that, it’s bad for me. But I want it! It’ll taste good and it’ll make me happy...oh, what the hell! I don’t have any self-control...I’m such a loser.”  

Instead of chastising yourself or beating yourself up, change the internal dialogue. It will become something like this: “Oh, that looks good. But, you know what...it really isn’t as good as I’m imagining it to be - I just want it because I know I shouldn’t have it. It’s loaded with bad stuff” (sugar, fat, empty carbs - whatever). “What will happen if I eat it? Then, I’ll feel guilty. Then I’ll be mad at myself. Then, it’ll probably make me crave other things with more bad stuff and I’ll feel even worse! Then I’ll gain more weight and have even less energy and feel like crap all the time. So it won’t really make me happy at all! You know what’ll really make me happy? If I do something good for myself - something that will give me energy and improve my health. If I do that, then I’ll probably do something ELSE that’s good for me and I’ll feel even better! THAT will make me happy!”

Then look at the food, make a face and stick your tongue out at it just like a defiant 2-year-old (seriously - it really does help).

I also make it a point to analyze the taste of “bad” foods. Because of this, I can no longer stand donuts. If I eat one, all I taste is grease (which I imagine clogging my arteries as I eat it). The nasty greasy taste lingers long after the last bite. Many of the things I once craved no longer interest me at all. Frankly, once I started looking for the negatives, I came to the realization that most foods don’t taste nearly as good as I imagine they will.

Similarly, I look for the “good” in healthy foods. Salads are wonderful for this - I load them with at least half a dozen vegetables and a lean protein (topped with salsa instead of salad dressing). With each bite, I am delighted by the variety of different tastes and how they taste combined with one another. Knowing that I’m strengthening my immune system, reducing the risk of life-threatening illnesses and keeping my weight in check is a particularly fun “Then What?” experience!

How about you? What does YOUR internal dialogue sound like?

I believe we can do almost anything for 10 minutes. OK, so I may not be able to hold my breath for 10 minutes or stick my hand over a flame for 10 minutes - but you know what I mean.

In 10 minutes, I can do any one of the following:

• make my bed and pick up any loose items lying around my bedroom
• vacuum a room
• empty the dishwasher
• wipe the sink and swish the toilet

If I do one of these things in the morning, another as soon as I get home, the third while I’m making dinner and the last one just before going to bed, my house can be presentable all the time. It may not be perfect, but it won’t embarrass me if someone drops by unexpectedly.

So, why not apply the same 10-Minute-Rule to weight loss? Here’s what else can be done in 10 minutes or less. I can:

• do ab exercises (3 sets of 10 reps each)
• walk briskly to burn a few calories (or use the elliptical that’s in my bedroom)
• walk up and down a flight of stairs a few times
• buy fresh produce from the grocery store
• prepare a salad large enough to get me through 2 or 3 meals
• prepare a pot of home-made soup that’s loaded with vegetables (then let it simmer while I’m doing other things)
• put the soup in single serving containers for the freezer

If you‘re asking where these 10-minute pockets of time come from, just consider your current daily schedule to see where you can make minor modifications. For example, getting up 10 minutes earlier isn’t very hard to do (in less than 15 minutes, you can do both the ab exercises AND make the bed).

Secondly, no matter how busy your workday is, you should be able to take a couple of 10 minute breaks. Numerous studies have shown that taking small breaks actually increases your alertness and mental clarity so you can get more accomplished in less time.  

If you pack your own lunch, you should be able to eat it and still have plenty of time to burn some calories (or pay some bills to free your evening).

Most television shows have commercial breaks that last 3-5 minutes. If you use this time to pick up around the house, you’ll be able to fit in some exercise before or after your favorite show. If the show is a re-run, just turn it off and commit to getting things done instead. You can even walk in place while watching!

Putting a small television in the kitchen will allow you to watch your favorite show while cooking healthy meals (hint - prepare tomorrow’s dinner today, then just re-heat and do the last-minute prep just before you eat).

Catch up with friends and family members from your cell phone while you‘re outside walking instead of sitting on the sofa. As a bonus, the conversation will be more up-beat because of the endorphins that are released while exercising.

Get creative - where else can you create small pockets of time in YOUR day?

Remember...We can do ANYTHING for 10 minutes!

In response to a question Darlene posted, Yana suggested I turn my response into a first blog post.

If you have visited my web site, you already know [Link Removed] ).

What is not included on my web site is how I found "the wonderful man who cherishes me for whom I am." I did that online. Besides being a bit of a computer geek, I work a lot of hours, so it just made the most sense for me.

It took over a year for me to find Michael. Along the way, I met a lot of men online. Here are the top 10 things I learned that I would pass on to anyone considering online dating:

10. Don't believe everything in his profile. It's only natural for all of us to point out our best attributes and to skip over our flaws. But some people outright lie (about their age, weight, income, education - you name it). Of course, be sure that you can’t be accused of the same thing (many men told me that a LOT of women either lie in their profiles or post very old photos).  

9. If you decide to meet someone, go in with the expectation that he is NOT going to be the right one. If you do, not only will you not be disappointed, but you will also be a lot more comfortable. Plan on meeting a LOT of “Mr. Not Rights.” About the time you think you won’t EVER meet the right man, he’ll come walking through the door.

8. If you do find a man who seems to be what you're looking for, TAKE IT SLOW. Make him chase you. No matter how comfortable it feels, don't call him - don't email him - don't be available every time he asks you out - let his call go to voice mail every now and then. Trust me, if you don't let him chase you, he'll be gone in a heartbeat. One way to help you slow down is to continue dating and meeting other men. I was steadily dating 2 other men for the first several months Michael and I were dating and I continued meeting new ones (I juggled as many as 5 at a time). They all knew I was dating others - as were they - no deceit. We just kept it casual and fun as we got to know each other better. Of course, you can’t say “I can’t go out on Friday because I have another date” - instead, just say “Friday’s not good for me” and leave it at that. Even if you DON‘T have another date, he will assume you do. For some reason, men seem to prefer dating those they have to compete for.

7. Don't reveal your flaws too early, but be sure to look for his starting with the first date. Major flaws will leave clues. Does he have a lot of negative things to say about his ex? Is he rude to the wait staff at the restaurant? Does he drink too much? Does he fail to make eye contact when you're talking? Does he LET you do some of the talking, but also contribute at least 50% to the discussion? Does he always call the shots, or is he willing to let you suggest things to do? Things like this are good "tells" about his real personality.

6. Obviously, take the recommended precautions about online dating (the web sites provide lists of dos and don'ts).

5. Don't take rejection personally. It's easy to get your feelings hurt if you think things went well, but he never calls you back. I would suggest reading the book [Link Removed] (Amazon link). The book goes into a lot better detail than the movie by the same name. The RIGHT man WILL be "into you" - forget about all those who are not.

4. Don't be afraid to be the one who does the rejecting. After meeting, it's a lot easier to send a quick email that says "I enjoyed meeting you, but I didn't really feel like things clicked" than it is to get a phone call later asking for another date and have to try to get out of it. Most of the time, you won’t even get a response (they just go on to the next woman). Sometimes, you’ll get an uncomfortable email in response - maybe even vicious. Just ignore it. He had his feelings hurt - he’ll get over it.

3. Never, ever forget that there are some psychos out there. If your gut tells you something's not right, listen to it - no matter how attractive, successful, charming, rich, etc. he may be.

2. ALWAYS offer to pay half of the check at your first meeting (or all of it). Any real gentleman wouldn't even consider accepting, but how he handles it will tell you a lot about him. (I learned this one the hard way -  after rejecting one man, he sent me a scathing email for not offering to pay for my $7 sandwich).

And my #1 suggestion? DO NOT SETTLE!!! I followed the Dr. Phil advice and actually wrote out a list of all the things I was looking for. The book is called [Link Removed] (Amazon link). He suggests that we create a list of the things we cannot tolerate in a man; a list of things we must have in a man; and a list of things we would like-to-have in a man. The Must-Haves and the Must-Not-Haves are the deal-breakers (for example, I would not date someone who smokes or has a drinking problem). Run from those who have these qualities. Then, look for someone who has at least 80 percent of your "like-to-have" list. NO ONE is going to be 100 percent perfect, so forget about finding him. (If you DID find someone you considered perfect, he would constantly make you feel inferior anyway, so why would you want that ?)  

Most importantly...HAVE FUN! Women who are relaxed, confident and full of laughter and joy are far more attractive than those who are scared, hesitant or still mad at their ex.

Best of luck!

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