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Biggest Dating Blunder When Looking For Mr. Right

By Debra Berndt

If you want to attract the love of your life, you need to make sure that all of your behaviors are congruent with that desire. Most singles find a man to fill in the void while they wait for Mr. Right to show up. I did this for years, hanging around Mr. Right Now's convincing myself it was alright...for now. Little did I know that I was unconsciously sabotaging my efforts, sending a strong message to my subconscious that I was satisfied with uncommitted relationship. I witness this conduct with single people all the time. They say they want a partner but still have sex with guys that do not want any commitment. Your mind is confused as to what you really want and reads more of your actions than your thoughts.

Many clients complain to me that they cannot find the right person but their attention is split. A part of them is still attached to an old flame that is still in the picture, or they are enjoying the companionship of a person that they know isn't leading anywhere just to avoid being alone. I had plenty of those fun guys on speed dial in case I needed a date. They were not bad guys, just ones that did not want a commitment. We had lots of fun together, but a part of my confidence was stripped away after each encounter. My actions reinforced the doubt in myself that I could actually attract real love.

It takes courage to step out and state what you want. Being clear in your mind of what you truly desire brings it to you. It wasn't until I finally broke through this pattern that made room for my real love to appear. I just told the guy I was seeing casually that I did not want to see him anymore because I wanted a real, committed relationship. Two weeks later, I met the love of my life. Maybe it was coincidence, but maybe the universe was just waiting for me to finally make up my mind of what I really wanted.

Think about what you really want. Do your actions support that desire? If not, think about what you can do to change your life to set the stage for your true love.

Author's Bio

Debra Berndt, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Dating Expert and creator of The Dating Makeover. is the fastest growing provider of self-hypnosis products. Debra has appeared internationally on radio and television promoting the power of the subconscious and self-hypnosis to attract true love. See her dating products at

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Member Comments

    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Jgirl1331 wrote Dec 30, 2008
    • I am sooooo happy I just read this!  I have been dating a noncommittal man for almost 6 months. Right now, I am at the point where I am getting ready to walk away, since I know he is not capable of a monogamous committed relationship.  I have been having second thoughts, but reading this caused me to sit back and take another look...Yep..I’m outta here!estatic

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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Wendy Williams wrote Aug 22, 2009
    • I get what you are saying but letting go of the wrong one in hopes of finding the right one is not always as easy as one would think.  I mean the wrong one looks amazing, he makes me laugh and giggle, he shows up for me during the bad times and enjoys celebrating the good times with me. He encourages me to do constructive things for myself and will sit and listen when some of those things don’t work smoothly all the time.  We laugh and play together like two overgrown kids and have amazing sex like two hungry adults.  So tell me how do you walk away from that even if you know he may never want to live together or get married.  Ok well I never want to get married but the living together thing would be nice. I know I am the only one he sees romantically speaking so in some ways he is committed.  So I ask you again how do you walk away from that?

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