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As our readers know, we have studied successful marriage and relationships in 45 countries and on six continents of the world over the past three decades.  During that timeframe, our interviews with thousands of "couples in love" around the world have revealed to us much wisdom about the "secrets" of the best loving relationships.  We have endeavored over the years to honestly share what we have learned from our many interviews.

And since we have been successfully and happily married ourselves for 45 years ourselves, we consider our advice to you to be a validation of our enduring love for each other as well as a fulfillment of our commitment to you for honest, decent, and well-researched advice.

We sincerely appreciate your readership, but more importantly, we appreciate your trust in us – make no mistake about that.  It is a trust we do not take lightly.  

Frankly, we were really taken aback a couple of days ago when one of our loyal readers sent us a report that appeared in the June issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.    

The long and the short of this so-called research study was this –  "Men say I love you before women do."  

Our immediate response based on our own research on this subject is this – the research reported in this journal article is, in our humble and well-researched opinion, BUNK!  Here's why.

First of all, the authors of the aforementioned study have studied fewer than 200 young people, including "100 undergraduates and 47 heterosexual couples" and "45 students and other passersby at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology."

Here is the truth – there is NO credible scientific evidence that suggests that men say, "I love you" first in his relationship with a women.  This conclusion is nonsense.  

We have found no evidence in our three-decades of research to support this notion.  In fact, a man and a woman report their love for each other when they are ready – when they are willing to express that love.  This expression is not about being male or female – it is about being in love and having the willingness to express said love.

And here is the most humorous finding of all from this "so called" research report – women are more likely to "express love" after they have had sex.  Come on, give us a break!  What a ridiculous notion!  There is nothing in our nearly 30 years of research worldwide to suggest such nonsense.  Where does this stuff come from?  

The aforementioned study goes on to conclude that, "the bigger happiness boost comes when a woman confesses her love prior to the couple having sex."  Our conclusion – not so!  

Frankly, the research evidence we have garnered over these past three decades is clear and unequivocal – men and women tell each other early in their relationships, "I love you," randomly!  There is no male and female pattern to the expression of love for the first time.   Anyone who suggests otherwise is not being honest with you.

And to suggest that men tell women they love them first  more than 60% of the time is well, unsubstantiated by the available research on the subject.   To conclude that the expression of love is gender based is not supported by the available evidence.  It is simply ridiculous!

By Dr. Charles D. and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

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