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Benefits
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My husband and I were talking about our retirement last night when i asked him if he was looking forward to being able to do what we want, when we want, without judgment or comment from our children. He looked at me kind of puzzled and said, “I don’t take their comments as personally as you do.” This is one very true statement. Some of the comments my children make roll right off his back...why is it that i take exception to their judgments? Why do i care if they think i’m doing something “lame” or “gay” or that “makes no sense“? I’ve always been a relatively self-assured individual and i’ve rarely gotten too upset if someone doesn’t like what i’m doing or saying as long as my conscience was clear about not hurting anyone’s feelings or stepping on anyone’s toes. Now, i find myself getting upset with my children when they make negative comments. I’ve taken to calling my son (age 16) “RC” (Rain Cloud) because of his constant negative spin on pretty much any situation. My oldest daughter (19) thinks she has all the answers and not one of them are the same as mine. My younger daughter (almost 17) is the perpetual innocent one in her eyes...stating, “I didn’t do anything wrong” when she very clearly did say or do something “wrong“.
Now, instead of the constant demands on my time, being a parent is demanding a tremendous amount of self-control. I’m trying to “choose my battles” but constantly eating my words/thoughts is going to kill me, i swear. I’ve always been vocal with my kids, explaining things to them instead of letting things slide. My thinking has been to inform them so they understand. Now, i find myself “ignoring” behaviors. This also drives me crazy. This simply is not my style...never has been. I address situations as they arise. Battling with my oldest has caused me to learn a new approach and i do NOT like it. Change is difficult for me.
I’ve been pretty confident in my parenting over the years but it is now that i am questioning myself. If i did such a good job, why is my oldest so snotty, so impatient with my husband and i, and so hell-bent on being anywhere but home? I see my younger two children taking on the snarky disposition now, too. My oldest has caused a tremendous amount of dissention in our home. She wants to move out...and we want her to move out. How did that happen? I never saw that coming. I thought i’d dread the day my children left home. I guess when it’s time, it’s time.
When i think about it, who’s doing the growing around here? I don’t think it’s the kids anymore!
Ok I am going to comment on the section about your daughter being snotty.....
It’s because you raised an independent, strong, opinionated young woman who feels safe spreading her wings and trying her ideals out on her trust worthy parents.
I too have struggled with this with my kids but it all comes back to how I raised them. To be independant, a leader vs follower, strong, vocal, and confident. And while I don’t like the negative onslaught I do like that they trust me enough to share their “growing” with.
It’s just another level in life we must go thru.....
BTW I’m happy to see you here!
Ah, brooding teenagers - gotta love‘em. You and your husband have earned the retirement you are planning. Sometimes kids don’t get it - they think they should be entitled to what their parents are enjoying without the benefit of working for it. I don’t know if this is the case with your kids but I see it over here.
I am not a mother myself, but I’ve been around a lot of teenagers as I was a special education teacher for 14 years. And I have to agree with Vikki; sounds like you raised a very strong and independant daughter who feels secure enough about her opinion to just say it.
Teenagers in general have the impression they know everything from everything and that adults just didn’t get it. It’s phase. My guess is the attitude of your eldest will change once she leaves the nest and is out in the real world on her own.
I want to wish you “good courage” (a translation of “bon courage“) and hang in there, this is only temporary.
Thanks for your input, ladies. This blog took a much different direction than i expected when i began writing it. I often find that writing is a good way for me to find out what’s REALLY on my mind!
I have never considered my daughter’s belligerence to be an outward sign of her inner confidence. I admit, it’s an interesting point. Perhaps i will try to look at it that way instead of feeling insulted and offended. It’s going to take work...i’ve always told my children, “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.”
And yes...the attitude of entitlement with this generation is sometimes nauseating to me...then i sit and watch what the young people are watching on TV and i’m no long baffled where these outrageous ideas come from!
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