August 2, 2008

Admit it, we’ve all been guilty of thinking that men are stupid on more than one occasion.  But, the reality is that men are wonderful creatures who simply are different than women.  Different is not right or wrong, value judgment only muddies the waters and disempowers everyone.  Different is just different.  We‘re wired differently and so we behave differently. Understanding and acceptance can help empower us to create harmonious relationships.

Both men and women certainly have characteristics commonly described as masculine and feminine.  But, in general what motivates us is distinct.  This terrain is vast, but for now let’s look at one of the source distinctions that differentiate men from women instinctively.

Imagine, for the sake of argument, that men are the hunters and that women are the gatherers.  Let’s look at how men and women think, process information and communicate.

Hunters are typically single focused.  Their objective is to produce a desired result, for instance, catching a buffalo or some other animal.  Their focus is linear, aimed at producing result after result after result.  Hunters are internally motivated, deciding on what to produce and then producing that result.  These characteristics coalesce as the ability to track moving objects.

Contrastingly, Gatherers possess diffuse awareness, the ability to focus in multiple directions at once.  Their objective is to complete many tasks in no particular order.  Motivation is most often external, resulting in the experience of being drawn to everything in the environment which requires a response.  These characteristics fuse into the ability to quickly scan a wide area and gather information.

Think about the last time you sent a man into a room to bring back an item that was in plain view yet surrounded by other things and he came back with the report that the item was not there.  You followed him and of course, the item was right where you said it was.  You concluded that he just didn’t look.  And he didn’t look just to get on your nerves or alternatively, he was just too stupid and careless to see what was right in front of him.

Or what about the last time you tried to get a guy to focus on you while he was watching his favorite television show?  You think he was watching the game and ignoring you.  In reality, he is just watching the game.  Ignoring you would be doing a second thing.

So, what’s the point?  The point is that this is but one of the ways that we are different from men, but it is a key difference which causes many communication breakdowns.  We naturally view things from our own perspective; everyone does.  But in order to interact harmoniously, we have to step back and see things from another vantage point.

What male behavior can you view from another vantage point?  

Your comments are always welcome.  Email them to me at Chat (@) relationship-recruiters.com.  I’ll write back as time permits.