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The Fabulously40 community is made up of a special kind of reader.  The Fabulously40 readers "get it."  They understand the point and have a clear sense of right and wrong. Unfortunately, this is not the case for some of the sites where we post our blogs and articles.  

We have been clearly amazed at the reaction of some to our recent blogs discussing the "infidelity" of Arnold Schwarzenegger.  The former Governor of California had a 25-year marriage with Maria Shriver.  In our article, we pointed out how our three-decades of research on successful marriage on six continents of the world clearly supported this simple notion – infidelity in a marriage or relationship is rarely forgiven – infidelity is, for the most part, an unpardonable act.

We included in our post the following three very important paragraphs because, believe it or not, there are liars and cheats amongst us who believe that infidelity is forgivable and excusable.  Some who wrote us even said it was "normal," "encouraged" and "acceptable" in some parts of the world.

We responded to those who are morally bankrupt with the following three paragraphs:

"And to those “doubting Thomas's” who believe that cheating on your spouse—engaging  in acts of infidelity with the one you purport to love more than life itself—doesn't matter, well, we have several questions for you.  

Do you have someone in your life that you trust completely and unequivocally?  Do you have a friend who trusts you back just the same?  Is there someone in your life that you would lay down your life for?  Is there someone in your life that would do the same for you?  

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, then ask yourself this one final question—if either my trustworthy friend or I violated the aforementioned trust before us, would I still say that infidelity is okay?  If you say 'yes' then you are a person without principle—person someone else cannot trust.  Tell us infidelity doesn’t matter!"  

Let's take a further look at this notion by asking the following additional questions that we think will prove our point.  Here goes.

Ask yourself this question – "Do I have a best friend?"  If the answer is "Yes" ask yourself this second question – "Would I ever betray my friend and consider such action an acceptable act?"  

How about these?  Have you ever completed a deal with a handshake, made a promise to someone you intended to keep, entered into a contract that you were morally and legally bound to uphold?  

We would offer the following – if your answer is "yes" to any of the questions we have asked, then we ask you this – why is a marriage you have entered into not worthy of the same consideration?  Why would you tell someone you love them, make promises to them, enter into a contract with them, and then betray them by engaging in infidelity?

Those who wrote us and suggested that infidelity is AOK and acceptable – we say to you – you are a hypocrite!  If you would violate the relationship you have with another person you purport to love, then you are guilty of betrayal.  There are no if's, and's, and but's, about it.  

Be honest with yourself and with others.  If you believe that infidelity with your spouse or lover is acceptable, then you also believe that a "handshake" doesn't matter, that a commitment is just a bunch of meaningless words, that friends can be betrayed with impunity, and that a written contract is worth no more than the paper it is written on.

The bottom line is this – those who believe that lying, cheating, and engaging in acts of infidelity are okay is a person who is morally bankrupt.  Such a person has a worthless handshake.  And the truth is this – do not expect such a person to honor a commitment.  One cannot cheat on a spouse and then rationalize that such an act is okay and that just because some do, it is acceptable.

Please, spare us the hypocrisy.

By Dr. Charles D. and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

**For [Link Removed]  .

Doctors, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.

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Member Comments

    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tracy Lynn Brown wrote Jun 4, 2011
    • We happen to be going thru something as a family, well my son is anyhow. And yeah i would say you are right on the money, to me once you have done that then the contract you entered into with a spouse is void.  And the trust is almost impossilbe to get back, great article

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda L wrote Jun 5, 2011
    • My ex rationalized that it was OK to have a honey when we were separated.  He said that to divorce is not a big deal, that alot of people do it.  His honey told me that since we were separated, the marriage is over anyway and my then husband wants her not me. The pain I went through to know that he and his gal lived together at his mom’s place was unbearable.  It hurted so much when my daughter (then 5) had contact with this woman during his visitations.  Two months after the divorce was finalized he married her.

      Fortunately, they both live in another state.  I’m happy that I’ll never see him!

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Jun 5, 2011
    • Great article, Thanks!  

      I don’t care how “they” try to rationalize it, there’s no pardoning cheating, be it a contract or a marriage. Trust that is broken can’t be glued back together.  


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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Godrescuedgirl wrote Jun 8, 2011
    • Once the trust is broken, I don’t believe you can ever get it back. Nothing is ever the same again.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kathy Holmes wrote Jun 10, 2011
    • So very true! Fidelity, loyalty, honesty - all tops for me and my soulmate. It’s the only way to have a true, intimate relationship with another person.


      Kathy Holmes, Author
      Real Women Wear Red
      The Tom Jones Club
      Viva Las Vegas, A Shaker of Margaritas: Hot Flash Mommas anthology
      Cougars in Cabo, A Shaker of Margaritas: Cougars on the Prowl  anthology

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