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When one of your children’s love life suddenly falls apart...what is a mother to do?  

Well, a piece of your own heart breaks a little too.  It is hard to watch your child have their heart broken by another.

Recently, my oldest daughter’s two year relationship with a boy we thought for sure she would end up marrying, came to an end....or at least we think it is the end....who knows with kids today.

They had been fighting quite a bit lately, but we had blown it off to the fact that she was in her final semester of college, dealing with finals and the reality that life starts after graduation day.  The stress and the bickering would end as soon as she made it past graduation day...but I guess this wasn’t so...Sunday night my first born came home on Mother’s Day in tears, saying that the boy she desperately loved wanted a break and was unsure that they would ever get back together.    

Her father and I immediately rallied for our girl, sitting with her as she cried and checking on her when she said she needed to be alone.  I believe we were just as numb as she was about the break up, as we didn’t expect it and SHE had really set this break up in motion by being a bit too critical of the boy and his inability to take his life seriously...or their life together seriously.

He had been graduated almost a year ago and only recently got a job as a waiter. My daughter, the first born, hard charger that she is, had it in her mind that they should get to seriously thinking about careers and life and told him so one night last week after she had had a drink or two.  She was not kind about it, she says...though I was not privy to their heated conversation..I have been at the center of one of my daughter’s tirades...they aren’t pretty and they can be mean...cutting...a characteristic she gets from her father.   I don’t believe he had ever been at the center of one of these “attacks” and it took him aback.  They spent a few days apart cooling down and on Sunday when they spoke...he had decided that he wanted a “Break“ Romance language...they were breaking up.heartbreak

So, here we are in day three...she spent yesterday in she is off to work at her events job and graduation day is this weekend, along with a party here at the house.  She told me she wants to cancel the party...she will go to graduation only because her Grandparents are flying in to see her graduate...but if she could she would skip it. here is where Mom and Dad, especially Mom gets mad!!

After all she did for this guy last year to celebrate HIS graduation (a party AND she paid for a surprise cruise with all his friends and herself), attending his graduation in another city which caused her to lose her waitress job because the idiot she got to cover her shift didn’t show up...PLUS being by his side for two years for all kinds of family situations (death, illness, celebrations etc.)...he hands her a break up for her graduation.  

I have to literally tell myself to mind my own business or I would pick up the phone or drive over to his house and tell him what a jerk he is...for breaking up with her now of all times...for telling him the truth about his life...for telling him he needed to get his act in to gear...okay, so she wasn’t nice about it...but it was the truth...she sees him as being able to do better then what he was doing. AURGH!!!  

But at the same time I am hurting for my daughter...I am also hurting for us because we let someone in to our home and family...they had become one of us...we loved him because he loved our girl.  It is truly like what she said to me through tears the other night...“Mom, it’s like some one has least when someone dies there is no chance of bumping into them is so is so empty it hurts.”  

...and I wish and I pray that I could fix it or take the hurt away from her... because all I want is love and happiness for  for my darling girl.

It’s not easy watching your children’s heart takes a piece of your heart too....yet, I also pray that God will turn this in to a blessing...a lesson learned...a reason for her to focus on her life and dreams without the distraction of a boy who doesn’t see the jewel he is giving up.

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote May 11, 2010
    • So sorry your daughter is going thru this, but it sounds like, no matter how hurt she is now, she’s better off without the bum.

      I know where you‘re at, watching her heart break.  I had to sit idly by for over a year watching my daughter’s heart break as her marriage broke up.  Nothing you can do but be there for a shoulder to cry on or a sounding board.  

      There are just some things moms can’t fix. frown

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote May 11, 2010
    • As a mom myself I know it is hard to sit by and not do anything.

      I don’t know if you are actually considering canceling her party but I wouldn’t. It’s not just a celebration for her but for those who helped her while she was in school. And besides she will really regret it when she is no longer in such pain.

      As moms sometimes our hardest job is to teach our children how to march on, how to do it with dignity and grace, and yes occasionally how to kick butt too!

      From my experience with my daughter (her advice) my role is to let her cry on my shoulder and whine whenever BUT TO NEVER to speak ill of the boy. (Again her words) Because Mom you never know.... we could get back together and it would just be weird!!!!

      But truely I am sorry for you both!  

      p.s. I do have an Uncle Guido!

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote May 11, 2010
    • Thank you for the comments...her Dad and I were working on her  with the moving on...don’t let this stop you from being the BEST that you are...we are celebrating YOU...not you and him anyways..speech!  We will probably have the party is still new to her and I don’t want to push.  She moved from shock to anger today, which to me is a good sign.  

      Thanks again...

      Vicki: your daughter is very wise...mine said the same thing to me...

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote May 12, 2010
    • Isn’t it scary when they are soooo wise at such a young age.....

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote May 12, 2010
    • I’m so sorry but I have this inner Mancunian mother and it outs itself when some boy has come home with Alice I have gently explained if he makes her cry - he will wail loudly and painfully .......  

      But my advice don’t bad mouth him as they could get back together ... it’s so hard being a mum at times like this

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Timbuktu wrote May 14, 2010
    • I can sympathise. My own daughter is struggling at the moment - her relationship has hit bit of a down patch too. Unfortunately it has co-incided with a difficult flat-mate and a new job that’s not going well, so I have an independent fiesty girl who is suddenly not quite so feisty and is needing her Mum.  

      Your daughter and mine sound a wee bit alike. Tell your girl we feel for her and she should have that party and enjoy it. After all she’s earned it, and I hope will look back and be glad she didn’t cancel it.  

      Mums meanwhile have to grin, bear it and hug!

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