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I need your help ladies!!!!  Should I interfere?  

I was laying with my 10 year old before bed because he needed to talk to me...so he proceeds to tell me that his two best buddies have been messing with him at school, making fun of him calling him Ebert instead of Ethan along with other dumb comments. He said, “mom they make me so mad, I tried to ignore them but at this point I don’t care if I get suspended from school I’m gonna just punch them both in the face so they will get the picture not to mess with me.”  

First of all there is such a difference between boys and girls LOL..so my mommy mode kicks in and automatically I want to go to these boys moms who are my friends and get this taken care of but on the other hand they are boys so I need to let him handle this himself...we talked for about an hour about this so I know he is at the end of his patience and telling him to just walk away is tough for a little boy who has strong Irish/German blood flowing through his veins!!! LOL!  

This is my first mommy encounter like this so ladies I need your help, do I let him handle it himself and take the chance that he may get in a fight or should I jump in and talk to the other moms?




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • Well if you jump in then you must be planning on doing that for the rest of his life right?  

      I would say give him the tools he will need (confidence, love and trust)and let him figure it out. If you interfere you are setting him up for a long time of being bullied.  

      Now of course if it gets way out of hand I would go to the school principal.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • This is a tough one, my youngest was being bullied at school, he was being tormented with racial slurs. I called the school and let them know what was going on and that at this time my son didn’t want me to intervene. So I just asked them to keep an eye on the situation because if it escalated into anything physical then things were going to get ugly as I would then have to get involved. They did bring my son in to the counselors office and he gave up names and also expressed to them that he was uncomfortable with any intervention as he knew that he could be bullied more. In the end the school handled it by bringing in different groups in and talking to them about bullying and that they (the school) were aware of who some of the culprits were and were keeping an eye on them. I am happy to say he is no longer being harassed and glad the school handled it the way they did. Of course I was very clear that if any harm came to my son they would get to see me in person and I can be a handful when it comes to my babies.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coralee Flug wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • Please talk about it lots. In the last month we have had 2 kids one 8 and one 13 who committed suicide at school in communities close by because of being bullied.  

      Many times kids do have to make a a stand with friends and draw a line - now hitting never solves but making a strong stand to “his friends” may just solve the problem. The other thing is maybe he needs some new friends happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kathryn O'Hara wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • I had a situation with my 13 yr old son who was being intimidted verbally and physically and I ended the friendship outside of school.  And spoke with the principal about the situation,then checked back at least once a week.  Turns out the little bully was expelled the next year.  But,who needs a “friend” like that?  I tried talking to the kids mother, but she was clueless. So,I told my son that it was my responsibility to see that he is raised in safety and health and that was my first commitment, not his social standing.  I felt that it was more important to model strong boundaries and healthy choices than it was to accomodate his concerns about his standing with his peers.  At the time, it was hard for him.  Now that he is 23, I see him as a college student,making very good choices about who he hangs with and what he will tolerate in his life.  If we as parents do what is necessary to show our children how to live, they learn it by watching.  

      And, you know, tolerance is really over rated.  Kids need to know that they can walk away from unhealthy friends and that it is perfectly ok to do that.  As kids though, they don’t have the skills yet, so I always gave my kids permission to blame stuff on me or their dad.  “My mom will kill me” or “My dad will kick my ass” were two lines we gave our kids to use.  Parenting isn’t for pansies and I feel that we need to actually “do” what needs to be done for our kids and I don’t give a rip what their peers think about them or me.  

      My kids are now in their 20s and one son told me that he was glad I handled things the way I did, because it made him realize that his parents had more power in his life than any of his peers.  And at least he knew his parents loved him and peers, well, who know what peers really think or feel.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacey Clark wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • Thanks ladies you‘re fabulous!!  You all said what I was thinking but just not sure what direction to go in:)  I will keep you posted as to the outcome of all of this..




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • No mother likes to see her child bullied but it is part of growing up.  I would stay out of this since it’s not too serious.  Now, if it escalates then I would go to the school.  I think if you went to the other’s mother’s you’d offend them and make it worse.  For you and your son.  Good luck!happy




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • What you are describing is a form of bullying...whether it be friends or not...bullying is bullying...If it were me I would personally step in and say something...as mentioned above....bullying can lead to some terrible outcomes...if you are friends or acquaintances of the boys parents speak to the them...if they are doing this to your son...their friend...can you imagine who else they are doing it to....just some things to think about.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Msj wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • Vikki and Coralee I LOVE your answers!




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nathalie Girard wrote Apr 1, 2010
    • I agree with vikky and angelcart’s answers.




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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacey Clark wrote Apr 2, 2010
    • Mamapan that is excellent advice and thank you for your kind words:)  I have told my boys as long as they were big enough to understand this, “there is nothing in this world that you can do or say that will make me stop loving you, I will help you, believe in you, trust you, and lead you!”  They recently asked me a question that I knew would come one day, “mom did you and dad wait to have sex after you got married?”  If I am going to ask my kids to be honest with me I have to be honest with them no matter what.  I simply said, “No son I did not wait until I got married to have sex and I am not proud of some of the choices that I made before I married your dad but I have learned from every choice that I have made.”   I thought my husband would die when he heard me but I tell you my boys trust me completely and tell me everything and I hope and pray that our relationship will continue like this:)  Thank you for your thoughts, have a fabulous day and wonderful Easter:)




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