"My younger sister is engaged." The email somberly reported.  "Could we book a session?  I am a mess."

Why is it the lack of a ring on your finger can cause so much pain? Carole (not her real name) choked out her feelings.  "She is 9 years younger than me.  9.  Josh is crazy about her and he is so romantic it makes me sick.  My throat gets as tight as a knot.  Then I feel horrible.  I LOVE my sister.  I don't want to feel like this but I can't help it.  It should be me.  How can she get married first?"

Her story turned into sobs.  I sat silently on the phone and listened.  Like a spring storm, the sobbing subsided and blowing her nose, she sighed.  "What if it never happens for me?  What if I am a lonely bitter old woman with 100 cats?  I can't stand it.....and now I am going to have to be in HER wedding."  Sobs reignited....

********

Slowly but surely Carole and I turned the flow of her thoughts back into a better place and she recommitted to her own personal love attraction plan.  There is no question that the engagement of a younger sibling, brother or sister, is a painful thing for the long time single woman.

That naked left ring finger makes a public spectacle out of itself. There it is...out there for everyone to see....LOSER.   It takes a mighty strong woman to see this in herself, this branding from the lack of a ring.  It takes an even more magical woman to make the decision to do something about it.

Oprah and Goldie Hawn come to mind.  Two mega successful, beautiful, vibrant, talented and influential women who have naked left ring fingers.  What is it that separates them from other women who let frustration about their relationship status steal their happiness?

Can you control if you are single? Obviously not or you wouldn't be reading this article.  Can you control how much LOVE is in your life?  Absolutely.  THAT I can teach you.

I run my ideas by my husband (soon we will be celebrating our 5th anniversary back in Hawaii where we tied the knot...*sigh*) because, not being a guy, I just want to make sure that my theories make sense.  He is 100% in agreement on this particular Soul Mate Attraction Secret:

There is nothing more attractive than a happy, confident woman. Men cannot resist a genuine smile....the one that comes from deep inside.  That kind of smile works like magic.  Can you control how much true happiness is behind your smile?  Absolutely, I can teach you that too.

You are one tough cookie.  You have been on your own most of your life and you can take care of business.  If you are the women who contact me, you are also pretty darn tired of doing life by yourself.   Sound familiar?

One of these four characters holds the key to your Soul Mate Destiny.

If you are still single and not happy about it, take the time to skim this info.  You are manifesting a single life...like it or not, that is the truth of the matter.  The part of you that is making sure you stay single is your Inner Saboteur.

Ironically, your Saboteur thinks that the risk of New Love is way more painful than being alone.  What does that mean?  You either undermine every potential relationship before it has a chance to grow or you abandon the relationship before he abandons you.

So why Snow White, Rapunzel, Scarlett and Sleeping Beauty?  There are four Saboteur styles and I categorize them with imaginary characters to personalize them a bit.  This is not an evil force living inside you heart breaking your heart at every turn (even though it feels like that a lot of the time.)

No, this is a sensitive and caring part of you who just wants exactly what you want....TO BE LOVED AND FEEL HAPPY.  That’s it.  Your Saboteur can be won over and recruited to help you attract True Love.  Wouldn’t it be nice if your path to love was easier and more fun?

Once you know your Saboteur style, you can make a Soul Mate Attraction Plan with some real teeth.  Each style has it’s own preferences and strengths.  Heck, she has been manifesting your singleness all these years and KNOWS how to get what she wants.  Convince her to work with you instead of against you and some real magic will happen.

Tonight I am teaching about the Four Saboteur Styles, how you can recognize which you might be and how to convince your Saboteur that you really don’t want to be single anymore.  You have a strong inner concept of life as a single....it is all you have known for years.  What if your very self sabotage habits could lead to True Love?

It happened for me and I am sharing the tools I discovered on my way so you can attract True Love once and for all!

I lived with a Frozen Heart for years and years and I didn’t even know it.  All I knew is that I was achingly lonely....even and most poignantly when I was in relationships.

For most of my life, I attracted the worst from the men in my life. Whether it was rudeness, lewdness, cruelty or sarcasm, each and every man hurt me in some way. At least that is what I always thought. That is until I found something that changed everything for me.

At 57 and married to my second soul mate, I still have my lonely moments and occasionally feel myself going back to old patterns of thinking.  Thoughts like “Here we go again, I knew I would get hurt.”  or “He isn’t even trying to understand, what’s the point.” or “We are losing our connection, just like before....what if he isn’t the one.”

Yes, nearly 5 years into my fantastic marriage, thoughts still pop into my head, uninvited, that shake my security.  What is different now is that I have specific tools I use to stop thinking scared thoughts before they take on a life of their own.  When I catch myself early enough, I can switch it around pretty quickly and stay in the flow of delicious Well-Being.

I see that I have the power to attract Larry’s highest and best and that is where I can put my confidence in our Love and keeping us together.  In my first marriage, I had such low regard for myself, I constantly attracted the lowest and least healthy of my man’s thoughts, habits and behavior.

Where are you in all of this?  Do you attract honor and respect from the men in your life?  Run an internal survey.  List all the men you have regular contact with and see how you feel reflecting on each one.  If you are I used to be, walking around with a slowly thawing heart inside, you may notice a theme of sarcasm or criticism in men within your inner circle.  Be curious about the patterns you see.

Since I started using these tools, my own Love Vibration has been turned on it’s ear.  Not did I bring in a man who was attracted to me a whole year before I knew it (a story I tell at a different time), I am still using these simple truths to keep growing my confidence as a wife and partner. If I can do this, so can you.

Noticed any self sabotage lately? Here is a sign that your Saboteur has been in action.  Since you have been reading this blog, a part of you has been tempted to take action and contact me.

But, there is another part of you who is resigned to the status quo and believes that change is too hard, too time consuming and ultimately a waste of time.

And yet, you keep reading the posts....

Meet your Saboteur.  Seeing herself as a super hero, she makes sure that you don’t take a chance and get hurt again.  She is good at her job, I bet you can’t remember a time when you were open to a man.  Maybe you’ve never trusted any one with your true heart.

And yet, you read on....

That inner tug of war is exhausting, isn’t it?  Well there is a very good reason for that.  Some of the battle with your Saboteur is physical...that’s right, physical.

When it comes to LOVE, your default vibrational setting is stuck in Fight or Flight.  Many of you feel weak knees, nausea and dry mouth even thinking about what you would do if a great looking guy approached you.  

How did that happen?  It is really quite simple.  As a little human being, you were impressed with what you saw around you and you took everything you saw and heard as gospel truth.  No wonder you feel intimidated by Love.  Some of the people who were supposed to show you what Love was like, didn’t have a clue themselves.

As always, when you get information like this, I hope it brings a lot of self compassion.  There is a very good reason why you are still single.  Once you understand that, you can make a plan and address these false impressions you have been carrying all of these years.

Here are three sure fire vibe shifting exercises you can do that will boost your confidence and lift your spirits:

1.  Go outside.  I tell this to all of my clients.  Just getting a breath of fresh air can really make a difference.  If you have any plants in the garden, bury your face in the leaves and breathe. Smell the life around you.

2.  Get a drink of water.  Most of you are dehydrated right now.  Squeeze a fresh lemon wedge into your glass or add a sprig of fresh rosemary.  Dress up your water and drink deeply.

3. Write 5 things you have accomplished that you are proud of.  Sometimes it is easier to see what is not working, who is not showing up in your life and how much Love is not here yet.  When in reality, you have had a great year so far.  You have been addressing your goals and moving forward.  Find the evidence and write it down.  Be your own cheerleader for a change!

The simplest ideas can shift your vibration and set your manifestations into hyper-drive.  Remember, True Love is pursuing YOU!  It is your destiny to be loved and to love deeply.  Never give up on your dreams!  

Curious how strong your Love Vibe is? You can get a free Love Magnet Reading by clicking right here:  [Link Removed]

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Gina never makes it past the second date.  Megan brags that she abandons him before he can abandon her.  Terri hasn’t had even an insignificant relationship in years.

What is going on?  Each of these women is beautiful, talented and powerful in certain parts of their lives.  Even though professionally they are admired for their achievements and leadership, when it comes to the choices they make in pursuit of True Love, you’d never know it.

This is where the Frozen Heart comes in.  When it comes to love, there is a part of your heart that refuses to be seen.  That hidden piece of your history is being guarded very well by your Inner Saboteur.  Some where you hold a belief that Love is disappointing, exquisitely painful and ultimately not worth it.  “Not me!” You might be thinking. “I am 100% sure I want to be married.”  Really...I don’t think so...

How do I know?

Is there a ring on your finger?

Your Inner Saboteur has one purpose.  She must keep your beliefs intact.  Especially beliefs about your safety and well-being.   With a part of your heart still frozen in time, believing that Love is painful, Your Saboteur believes she is protecting you by keeping that pain out of your view.  What does that have do to your Love life, or lack of?

The Inner Saboteur is running the show and you are the only one who can convince her to share the stage.  She is a Master Time Vampire.  She keeps you distracted and focused on mediocrity while time races right past you.  Check it out.  Exactly how long has it been since you have been head over heels in Love?

How do you know if your Inner Love Saboteur is activated?  Here are 5 signs to watch for:

1.  Procrastination.  No matter what your preferred style of sabotage, procrastination is always a major player.  A vicious cycle of perfectionism, unproductive busy-ness and poor planning result in a kind of quick sand.  You are pulled continually into a wasteland of excuses and inertia.  There is often a lot of self criticism that appears here and nothing drains your vibe like that inner critic.

2.  Distraction. Similar to procrastination but this one is more entertaining.  You know, you start one task in the kitchen and on your way to throw a load of laundry in, you notice the mail man is coming.  He is really friendly so you pop out to say hi and get the mail.  Then you remember you haven’t checked your email.  Then it is noon.  You get the idea.  It is said that Distraction is the number one obstacle in manifesting your dreams.

3.  Complaining.  A sure sign that your Love Saboteur is up and around.  Finding fault with other people, places and circumstances is one of her favorite activities.  Gossiping about the missteps of others can be entertaining.  Maybe you feel better after telling someone else’s sad story.  Go on a Complaint Fast.  Choose to stop complaining for one week.  Practice catching yourself and just stop. If you can’t say it in front of the person, just choose not to say it.  Practice Lovingness.

4. Indecisiveness.  This is the most common sign of sabotage among the singles I talk to.  99% of them are completely undecided when it comes to what they want from a soul mate.  Try it:  “Do you want to be married?”  Did you say some form of:  “Not necessarily, I mean, you know, if it ends up like that, I don’t mind, but I don’t really need marriage.”  This constant fudging about what you really want will ultimately put your manifesting into total stall zone.

5. Social Awkwardness or Anxiety  Many times, the part of the heart that is frozen is adolescent.  It breaks my heart to hear the stories of heartbreak in 6th through 12th grade.  Adult women, beautiful accomplished women, melt into little girls as they tell me the tale.  If you get overly shy or withdraw in social situations or under stress, The Saboteur goes into overdrive to protect you.  Just stepping outside and getting a breath of fresh air can be a life saver.  Simply remind yourself of another role in your life that reflects one of your strengths.  You can snap yourself out of it if you catch it early enough.

So what do you do?  First of all, don’t freak out!  Your Saboteur looks at herself as a super-hero.  She believes she is saving the day.  I have a picture of Cat Woman as my Facebook Avatar to remind me not to be too hard on that part of myself that indulges in sabotage.

Remember, Your Saboteur wants the same thing you do....to be loved and feel happy.  If you convince her that you want to take a risk on love again, you will have a powerful ally to help you manifest the Love of your Life.

How do I know this?  Think about it.  This part of you, Your Inner Saboteur, is an amazing manifester.  She has manifested singleness...overcoming all odds to make it happen.  She is brilliant and not only is completely under-appreciated, she is blamed for the unhappiness that is resulting.

Food for thought, no?

What would be possible for you if self sabotage was a thing of the past?

Curious? Check out the upcoming Complimentary Teleseminar:  How To Get The Perfect Man Into Your Bed: [Link Removed]

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$848,000,000 was spent on Shapewear by American women last year.$848 MILLION.

What if that very fashion accessory is KEEPING YOU SINGLE?

Today on the CBS Morning Show there was a feature on a segment of that market, the Booty Boosters.  Apparently, the Butt is the '"It" factor in sex appeal this summer...no kidding!  According to the report, Beyonce and Kim Kardashian are making big money showing off their full, curvy butts and women all over the country are buying butt pads to enhance their booties.

How is this hurting your soul mate search?

The problem is that at the end of the day, you will be taking off your faux butt, taking out your contacts, peeling off your Spanx, sponging off your eye makeup and in every way being your true physical self with your man.

If you want to attract True Love, there is only one way and that is to fully accept yourself....just the way you are, right now.  I don't know a single woman who doesn't dislike at least one part of their bodies.  How about you?

Are your teeth too yellow? This is my personal challenge.  Even tooth whitening doesn't help.  Yes, the treatment lifted my color two to three shades but that is not enough to please me.  It doesn't help that NOBODY on stage and screen has 'normal' colored teeth anymore.  Don't believe me?  Watch a movie from the 70′s and look at the smiles.

Maybe you wear glasses and over depend on your contacts for your sense of self worth.  Do you feel ugly with your glasses on?

Is your hair your challenge? Too curly, too straight, too frizzy, too little of it, too much of it?  Do you know that people spend over 2 trillion dollars on hair care products and services in one year?

Maybe it is your height that bothers you.  Is it near impossible to meet a man who is tall enough for your preferences?  Do you dislike being so short?

Maybe you hate your feet, your freckles or your facial hair.

The botox business is booming and don't get me started about plastic surgery.  Imagine how much travel you could pay for with the money you are spending to create an image you hope will attract Love and Connection.

What's a body to do?!?

There is nothing wrong with enhancing and preening and preparing yourself to be noticed. Illusion is fun and an important part of seduction and romance.  Women have been using cosmetics and jewelry for thousands of years to attract a man's attention.

The woman who get what she wants....a lasting relationship with a man who adores her, is the woman who knows the biggest secret of all.

She knows that the Truth of her attraction is her ability to accept herself...warts and all.  She knows that her external appearance is but a glimpse of her full Essence.  She understands that at the end of the day, a man wants to come home to someone who accepts him completely.

It is a humbling experience to feel deeply accepted by another human being....with no strings. When you know you can offer that to a man, you are irresistible.  The best way to practice this magical attraction tool is to use yourself as a test bunny.  Write a list of all of the things that you don't like about yourself.  How many do you come up with?

If you only have 1 or 2, yay!  You are a role model for others and you no doubt have many friends and colleagues who enrich your life right now.  Even if you are still single, you are probably pretty content with your status right now.

If you have 4 or 5 flaws that bother you, you are about average.  You may find support in 12 step groups or a Course in Miracles Class.  Make a plan to cut your list in half.  Make a conscious effort to accept yourself at a deeper level than you have.  Your loneliness and isolation are directly related to these aspects that are draining you.

If you have over 7 personal issues that you dislike about yourself, I suggest you find a mentor, coach or counselor.  It is exhausting to carry this much self-criticism.  Believe me, no one notices whether your freckles are getting darker or your feet have a strange shape.  What makes a man feel great with you is his CONNECTION to you.  If he feels like you "get him" he will adore you.  The few 'flaws' that you have and are trying to cover up are keeping True Love just out of your reach.

Next time you want to buy something new to enhance your Outer Look, look in the mirror and ask yourself..."Will this help me accept myself or hide myself?"  This simple question is a powerful step in tuning in to your true identity.  It is who you REALLY are that is irresistible to that special someone!

Is it your time?  Is your Love Vibe being muffled by your self concept?  For a no-cost Love Magnet Reading, click here:  [Link Removed]

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