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Girl Talk

  • Sex Life After Forty

    Posted on Monday, April 25, 2011

    Love (and intimacy!) for Life

    My newly single friend inspired me to write this blog.  

    Intimacy is what separates lovers from friends and keeps the spark of love alive over time (amongst other efforts of course). A recent study conducted by the University of Chicago found that old age doesn't necessarily mean diminished libido.

    It's generally been assumed that as we reach middle age, our need for physical love is not as great, and therefore we cool our jets, or hand up the saddle, so to speak.  But the University of Chicago's study indicates that age itself does not eliminate sex drive and sexual activity.  

    According to the findings, many couples still have "good quality" sex into their sunset years, men more interested and active than women, as is the norm.  It turns out that physical health is the main factor contributing to frequency, desire and capability when it comes to having sex.  Poor health in all respects will undoubtedly diminish interest and frequency of sex, men responding more dramatically than women.

    This study brings up an important issue during a crucial point in time; this year many baby boomers will reach their mid-60's and based on these findings, they will continue to be relatively sexually active as long as their health permits.  This should encourage changes in the health industry to understand the needs of older adults in the area of sexually transmitted diseases, function and pleasure.  Regretfully, even during middle age, STDs are still something to be very concerned about.

    Some other findings from the study indicated that women were much more likely to be interested in sex later in life if they had a steady partner, and that nearly half of men retain a healthy sex drive into their seventies and eighties, whereas less than twenty percent of women do.  

    When life does not turn out with the happy ending you signed up for at the alter and now you're 47 and single, it's good to know there is evidence supporting the fact that you still can get back in the dating game and optimistically expect to find some romance again.  Physical intimacy is a part of life that continues after menopause and graying hair, and in this day an age, social networking sites and online dating services are helping connect people of all ages and stages of life, making love a lifetime possibility. BUT, as usual, I'm here to remind you that before you start connecting online through any kind of social media, PLEASE be careful. Know that everything you post on the net is searchable, and can come back to haunt you, and claiming ignorance isn't going to save you.

    Eating right, exercising and taking care of yourself, will keep you in great shape and finding the love of your love will keep you sexy and desirable.

    21 Replies
  • Thriving or Surviving? THE Update

    Posted on Tuesday, March 22, 2011

    Thriving or Surviving? That's the question I ask myself daily.

    Since I've been diagnosed with breast cancer, my life has taken a turn in a different direction. All of a sudden I had to stop taking care of everyone and start taking care of me.  My days are now filled with things I need to do for me.  Between juicing, food preparation, doctor's appointments, therapies, etc., there's no time for anything else.  

    I always believed that a good home can't prosper without a healthy wife and mother. But I never thought that one day I would have to learn to practice what I preach. Let me assure you that taking care of yourself is a full-time job, and one that I'm not enjoying doing.

    Old habits are hard to break. A dedicated type "A," I was always doing, going, worrying and planning. Now I have to take a deep breath to keep myself from screaming when I hear how important it is for me to stay calm and stress-free. I try to stay cool and composed while spending endless hours on the phone with all my family and friends (who I LOVE DEARLY), reciting the latest healing progress. But my boob has now become everyone's business, and it gets old very quickly.  

    Don't get me wrong. I feel loved and blessed having all the people in my life take the time to constantly check up on me. But when I hear my kids' friends discussing my "boob situation" with a concerned look on their faces, I don't know whether to laugh hysterically or cry uncontrollably.

    Thank GOD I still have my sense of humor!  So for all of you (my virtual friends), here is the latest update on my "condition":

    My day begins with juicing. What was fun and delicious at first now makes me want to puke at the thought of any vegetables.

    I'm supposed to plan my meals and eat everything that's good for me, which consists of just about everything I really don't like. I eat constantly but don't enjoy much of it. And to make it worse, I've gained few pounds.

    I argue with all of my doctors, and negotiate everything. After spending a tremendous amount of time researching and consulting with doctors who are not involved in my treatment but have full understanding of what kind of tumor I had and can explain it to me in terms that I can understand rather than words I can't pronounce, I've decided not to have chemotherapy or take hormone blockers. I did sign up for radiation, but without tattoos.  

    This, too, has to be negotiated and resolved. My oncologist said to me, "Most of our patients come in, get the prescribed treatment, and follow it to accordingly. You come in, refuse everything we offer, and back it up with data that makes sense to us. So we have to go back and think of what to prescribe for you to be happy and us to be satisfied that you're getting the treatment you need." Between us girls, I'm not their favorite patient. ☺
    I'm seeing a medical doctor that practices alternative medicine and doing things that regular doctors do not believe in. Such as restricted diet, along with ozone therapy, acupuncture, vitamins, etc.  I can tell you that my psoriatic arthritis has been completely reversed.  

    Can I share a secret with you? IT'S ALL ABOUT THE FOOD!

    As much as I hate to admit it, we dig our own graves with fork, spoon and knife. And until we embrace the fact that food is there for fuel and not for pleasure, we will continue to fight this battle.  When I figure out how to embrace this, I will write about it. Until then I just eat my lentils, pretending it's risotto with wild mushrooms in a cream sauce, and beginning to believe that my thoughts alone are making me fat.

    I'm slowly getting used to the idea that regardless of what I want, for the next week of seven weeks of radiation (that will be performed 5 days a week), I will have to stay put. Knowing that, I'm opening lines of communications. I'm announcing that I will be bitching and moaning, and sometimes I will be so tired that even that will be a chore.

    I beginning to understand that this business of "I'm a survivor" comes with strings attached. Now I owe it to everyone around me to be healthy and happy, and I owe it to myself that much more.

    I get's just that practicing what you preach is a lot more difficult.

    p.s. THANK YOU to all of you my virtual friends, for your wishes, prayers and blessings, and for giving me the place to vent.
    With Love and Gratitude.

    68 Replies
  • Social Networking For Sex? Survey Says…

    Posted on Thursday, March 3, 2011

    Much of social contact and communication is maintained virtually in this day and age. Many people prefer quickly texting by phone, messaging via Facebook + Twitter, and good ol’ fashion email.  

    In surveys conducted by Shape and Men’s Fitness magazines, a group of 1,200 men and women provided reports about their social and sex lives and how the two come together.  

    While texting remains the number one way lovers keep in touch, nearly 80 percent of women and 60 percent of men believe social media tools lead to sex much faster than more orthodox meet and greet mediums. When starting a new relationship, over 60 percent of both genders said they use Google and other online tools and search options to do a cursory background check on a new date.  It’s also become common practice to solicit dates and end relationships over text messaging or the web.  

    Many people report that after a relationship ends, they will remain Facebook friends with their ex and even check up on them frequently.

    Really? Why? Who would want to have their "X" lurking on them?

    Do you lurk and/or know you‘re being watched by an ex?

    23 Replies
  • 9 Best Dressed Women Over 40 On The Red Carpet

    Posted on Wednesday, March 2, 2011

    Women Over 40 Shine On The Red Carpet.


    Halle Berry

    This flawless goddess sparkled at the red carpet in a Marchesa gown complete with a tule train. I loved her gorgeous dress, but the best part were her 10-carat diamond earrings by Neil Lane.  


    Celine Dion              

    With her skin-tight ivory Giorgio Armani Prive gown and emerald pendant from Bulgari, it's hard to believe she just recently gave birth to twins!


    Sharon Stone

    Stone’s fitted black Armani Prive gown once again proves that she only gets better with age.

    Helen Mirren  

    Dressed in a Vivienne Westwood elegant silk gray gown, Mirren showed off her slim waistline while looking fabulous.  


    Sandra Bullock

    Bullock strutted a red hot Vera Wang gown and radiated with confidence and style.


    Marisa Tomei

    Tomei dazzled in a 1950 couture dress by Charles James from Lily et Cie.


    Cheryl Hines

    Her simple yet elegant sparkly black dress and casual updo made Hines look stunning.


    Annette Bening

    Bening’s elegant beaded gown with a V neckline was only missing one thing... an Oscar! Perhaps next year?



    Nicole Kidman

    What she lacked in this Dior Couture gown, she made up for with the help of a 150-carat diamond choker by Fred Leighton.

    Who was your favorite?

    20 Replies
  • Dr. Oz: Keeper of the Fountain of Youth?

    Posted on Wednesday, February 23, 2011

    Dr. Oz's Monday broadcast was a show not to be missed by ladies over the age of 40. The good doctor covered a variety of helpful tips on how to age gracefully, from keeping off weight to makeup tips.

    There were seven main points covered during the show, and point number one was getting sufficient sleep.  

    Ladies, we need our beauty rest and that is a bona fide medical fact.  For trouble sleeping Dr. Oz recommends trying Valerian Root.

    Point number two was to make time for intimacy with our significant others. Changes in hormones often make our partners seem less enticing, but taking a small dose of DHEA daily (no more than 25 mg.) can help to restore our hormonal balance.

    Thirdly, drink lots and lots of water; Dr. Oz recommends a full gallon daily.


    Eating iron-rich foods is also very important. Vegetables such as spinach and other leafy greens, as well as dried fruits including apricots, raisins and figs, are all great sources of iron, as well as the green drink that Dr. Oz recommends.

    Lean protein is also essential.  Dr. Oz recommends trying some non-meat proteins, such as quinoa, seitan and freekeh as opposed to the traditional chicken (although chicken is great, too).

    Dr. Oz also offered a weight-loss tip, such as adding lemon into your diet.  The citric acid slows down your stomach's emptying speed and helps you feel fuller longer. Getting your trigger foods out of the house means putting them out of sight and out of mind. If you absolutely can't part with some certain snacks, put them in the freezer first, that way they won't be immediately available for eating, thereby slowing you down before eating.  

    Eating small meals throughout the day is also very helpful.  Some women find setting an alarm on their phone to go off every four hours is helpful to remind them to eat regularly.

    For those of us looking for more immediate gratification than the results of dieting success, a "makeup facelift" can be just the trick.  Dr. Oz recommends moisturizing your face from the inside out by taking fish oil and using natural oil-based moisturizers (olive oil, for example).   Using concealer to hide dark circles under the eyes and a cream blush instead of powder can also take a few years off your look in a matter of minutes.

    I raise a glass of green juice to your health.

    p.s. Since my diagnosis, I’ve added the “green drink” to my morning routine. Believe it or not, my Feratin level went up 4.1 points in just two weeks. I’ve always been iron deficient, and besides intravenous injections, I couldn’t keep my iron in, let alone get the numbers up. I’m now a believer. We are what we eat, but more on that in my upcoming blog.

    22 Replies
  • Breast Cancer? Me? Really?

    Posted on Monday, February 7, 2011

    Remember my fiasco with the doctor with:bad bedside manner ?

    I hadn't seen Dr. Sigall for probably ten years. As I walked into his office and embraced the doctor who 22 years ago delivered my baby girl, it felt like I'd never left. Quiet, patient and thorough, he reviewed the mammogram report and examined my breast. He explained that while the radiologist said that the findings were "probably benign," he wasn't comfortable waiting for six months to re-check. He referred me to a breast specialist and asked that I see him immediately.

    My new doctor was just as attentive and patient, but what was I doing in his office talking about a possibility -  even a slight one  - of breast cancer? This couldn't happen to me. This kind of thing always happens to someone else, right?

    As my husband and I sat in the doctor's office listening to my biopsy options, I had an uncomfortable feeling. The doctor didn't pressure me. But I could tell by his tone of voice and body language that he favored having the biopsy. As I walked out of his office, I decided that I couldn't afford to do nothing.

    I drove to Los Angeles to have both of my breasts biopsied, for different findings. I wasn't thrilled when only one biopsy was successful; the other had to be done surgically. As I left the hospital, my gut feeling told me that the news would be gloomy, yet I felt calm and composed.

    The call from the doctor came the next evening.  Forget the feeling in my stomach the day before, forget the signs and my earlier intuition, this was real! The voice on the other end of the phone softly said the words that nobody wants to hear - my biopsy came back positive, and there is cancer in that particular area of my breast.

    My son was standing two feet away, and I wasn't ready to tell him, so I took the phone upstairs, closed my bedroom door and activated the speaker. My husband had a look of horror on his face when he understood who I was talking to. Looking at him I knew I had to be strong, but how? As I struggled to pay attention to what the doctor was telling me, my mind was already trying to figure out the right thing to do.

    Going through the options, it became clear that the surgery had to be done immediately, which meant going in for more tests to get ready. I hung up the phone, more concerned for my hubby than me. He looked heartbroken and scared, while I felt a wave of shock wash over me. Instead of the "fun" being over, it just beginning.

    It took two days to get my head, heart and emotions back in alignment, but once they settled down I felt like my normal self again. I firmly believe that we are only dealt what we can handle, and whatever we go through in life happens for a reason. I'm virtually surrounded by all of you wonderful ladies, I have a voice, and I'm going to use it!

    DON'T wait if you have an abnormal mammogram, and don't listen to "probably benign" findings. "Probably" should never be part of our vocabulary when it comes to our health. Why bother getting early mammograms if we are not going to act on them?

    DON'T settle for doctors with bad bedside manners. You are special, and you deserve so much more.

    DON'T postpone any kind of tests, as they sometimes save lives.

    As for me, I'm scheduled for surgery, and will post this blog after it's done. I don't want to alarm my parents or the kids until it's all over and they can look at me without worrying about what the doctor will find when he operates.  

    I will make it my mission in life to tell every woman I know that biopsy is YOUR choice and should be exercised if there is ANY doubt.  

    I will make more time to live in the NOW, and not when I have time.  

    My publicist once told me that Fabulously40 couldn't get much recognition because while the concept is good, I didn't have a wild, exciting or traumatic story that people can relate too. Well, now there are no excuses. I'm a cancer survivor (and forever will be because I'm just getting started), and my publicist better get Fabulously40 the coverage we deserve!
    Here's to your health and mine.


    89 Replies